Have you ever been misunderstood by someone you care about?

Question

If so, how did you deal with it?

Being misunderstood is something I am used to with people who just have not taken the time to get to know me. It doesn't bother me as much anymore.

What really bothers me, is when someone I've known and cared about for a long time... fails to interpret my words/actions... and find themselves struggling to believe my truth.

IslaTheWitch · Accepted Answer

I think it's something that happens quite often... just not everyone sees it as an issue...

and there are different levels and reasons of misunderstandings :D

if I say to my best friend, "come, visit me this weekend" he comes and stays until I literally kick him out :D I call it planned misunderstanding... he claims he misses me, so he is using every chance I give him, to pester me in my own home :D but he cooks and cleans... so I shouldn't complain too much :D

another kind of misunderstanding is when we care a lot... it happens between me and my sister from time to time... lately she was planning her flight and asked me if she could spend 2 days at our place so we could catch up... but the dates she gave me were exactly in the middle of Drama Queen's exams so I knew she wouldn't feel good with her auntie visiting, when she she is busy with the school stuff... so I told my sister, that it won't work because of DQ's exams and the next time we need to plan it earlier... my sister acknowledged... but I had this feeling that I rejected one of not so many chances of us spending time together... I reached out a few days later saying I'm so sorry and I will try to visit her asap... I felt like I made her feel rejected by her own sister... it was my understanding of her not writing me after this... the reality was, she was busy with work and planning of her trip... we talked and cleared everything...

there are misunderstandings based on things we think about but not verbalize, because they are obvious to us... I want a black car, you want a red one... but we talk about buying a car... it's good if we find out we think about different colors before buying that damn car :D

and there is a separate group of misunderstandings based on internal filters every of us develops during our lives... so almost every experience we faced, happy or traumatic adds something to the filters... look at me... call me names and in most cases I'm going wild... total and raw auto-pilot... when I was a kid, very unsure about how different I was from my peers... my father had a sick habit calling me "stupid" or "not enough" if I didn't do something as good as he wanted me to... it created this filter in me... this oversensitivity for "disrespect" or whatever I will understand as disrespectful... try to guess what it can be :D

so... misunderstandings rarely are directed against the other person... they are mostly an effect of not efficient communication, some assumptions and past experiences...

also... the more feelings involved... the more we care... the more we want to be understood correctly... the more fiery misunderstandings...

and no... knowing their place of origin is not making them more bearable :D

Account · Accepted Answer

Yes.
I used to have the tendency to over-explain every time I felt misunderstood, but I have noticed that it doesn't help much, in fact sometimes it makes things even worse and the communication gap got even wider.
Perhaps I can be partially blamed for that for not being able to articulate my thoughts and feelings in a way that the other person is able to understand/translate them properly.

ProbablyClueless · Accepted Answer

Ohhhh yes. And it's generally been by people who have seen exactly what kind of person I am and have repeatedly seen how I conduct myself. People who just instantly forget their history of interacting with me and paint me in the least charitable light possible.

I'm always a bit surprised by how easy it is for people to believe the worst of others... I've slowly come around to the belief that it's intentional. Like the person is projecting exactly who they are onto the situation.

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

yes, but sometimes they just don't care to understand that's when I move on

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Yeah my ex used to be annoying and I would try to argue my point across but then I realized he doesn't care to know the truth or my point so fuck it.. So after a few years whenever he misunderstood things I'd just agree with him because there was no point in arguing and I really didn't care anymore.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

Yes, I tried to be there for a friend who was getting cheated on and trying to empower her to love herself enough to leave and she misunderstood me and we hardly talk now. He started hitting her too and I had to distance myself because it hurt me to see her breaking down. I still keep her on social media to make sure she’s safe and occasionally text her but it’s distant.

lindeasy · Answer

Flip it around and yes I have miss understood very important (1 person extremely) figure in my life 16 years of my life has gone away because I didn’t understand this person until after they were gone and I couldn’t fix or even talk to this person now that I do see them in the right light

Life sucks sometimes

sage2021 · Answer

Yes!! My brother and we didn't speak to each other for several years because of him misunderstanding me. We're talkin' again now.

DishLady · Answer

Yeah of course. It happens to everyone. But some people are worth going to the mats for (to clear up the misunderstanding) and others aren’t.

AviatorTom · Answer

Many times. That's why communication and clarification are so important.

alice55 · Answer

Often, depend sometime I cry, scream or I tell them to not bother and ignore them

Kelly6 · Answer

@7phoenix7 yes me and my sister, because of this we stay apart for years, until this year started meeting each other and our families

Samuel75 · Answer

Yes,,
Even by my own brother many times.
But you just have to understand that it's part of human nature because even me at times I do misunderstand some people's words and actions but upon asking them to explain what they mean I will now have a better understanding about it.
So you just have to simplify your words ( I know you've already done that) but also understand their perspective also in other for you to relate more favourably with them.
Blessings!

Valdemort · Answer

Of course.  Some think they do, some choose not to and sometimes you just can't. For whatever reason.

ItWasShadow · Answer

Try to be concise and lean on your own emotional intelligence before having a big conversation. When they respond, ask them what they think you mean by what you said if it is off from your intention.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Yes i have and it's very very frustrating. Your tryin to talk to then and there literally twisting your words around 🙄🙄🙄🙄

elTAHAwy · Answer

These situations always happen and you should prepare and predict these situations

elizamichale1 · Answer

Yes n sometimes u r so helpless tht u can't really do anything about it even after telling them what u actually meant they just dont accept it

Zoe04 · Answer

Of Course hell, I confessed myself at times.

jahaims · Answer

Yeah, I just have to dumb it down to their level so they aren't confused. Allistics have alternative motives so they don't believe when others don't.

Alexa6 · Answer

A few times when coming out, or sometimes. I didn't understand myself.

PaleDale · Answer

Yeah, I think that goes for a lot of people

DrPepper12 · Answer

If you're human the answer is yes.

AydenHazor · Answer

This happens fairly regularly. I blame the autism

wkhan_87 · Answer

Actually people got misunderstood by me.

Miah06 · Answer

Yes.

fish5505_87 · Answer

Yup!

Manuelwe · Answer

Maybe all the women I know. Few men as well.

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

All the time. More than you probably know

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Every day

Have you ever been misunderstood by someone you care about?

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Have you ever been misunderstood by someone you care about?

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