What comes first for you, your kids or your own life goals/dreams?

[DishLady]

I've always been raised with the notion that one's kids come before anything else and I've always stuck to that, but one of my kid's friends (VERY rich penthouse suite/trust fund baby type thanks to his dad) always comes around to our place looking like a homeless kid. he comes, eats, chats everyone up and goes home. He reminded me of a guy I knew in college who used to come over on our half days, bolt down whatever my mom had cooked for the day and chat everyone up.

• Both good guys from good families with dads who were well off and took GOOD care of them (financially), but remarried and really just fell off the proverbial grid.
• Both have GORGEOUS moms who became very flakey when their (one and only) son turned 17, running off to pursue really nutty dreams (like being on the cast of "survivor" or traveling all over the world and getting a shaman...), completely abandoning their "now grown" son.

Essentially, my kid's friend (just like my old college buddy) had to fend for himself. I'm trying to figure out if that's a mother-son thing or just a narcissist's parenting style. I'd never in a million years think to ditch my kid for some glamorous dream. I remember BOTH sat with MY family for graduations and other major milestones... (Why have kids if they were going to flake this way as parents?)

Personally, I'd rather be a good mom than a glamorous globe trotter any day of the week. There was time for that in the past... BEFORE I put the mom hat on. And it's not that I don't have dreams... but having my kid was part of that dream, you know? (And I still manage to be sort of a glamour puss, lol.)

Wouldn't you guys put your kid first? Why/why not?

[HawkPerception]

I feel like obviously, kids should come first in most things. If I have kids, I would make sure they have their necessities met. Food, shelter, a loving home environment. I'd listen to them always. And I'd try my best to give them the best opportunities in life that I can, as long as it's in the direction they want to go. But that doesn't mean I won't focus on my own goals and dreams. I'd still provide that for them while trying to accomplish what I want to in life and not using them as an excuse for not making it to where I want.

[worldscolide]

Right now it's my wife and my goals. When we have kids they will come first.

[DishLady]

You two are just good people, plain and simple. We're all blessed here to have you on G@G to balance out the lunacy, lol. <3

[worldscolide]

Thank you!

[MontBlanc]

If I have kids, they come first in responsibility but not at the cost of losing myself.

I don’t believe in abandoning your dreams for your children.

I believe in building a life where they see you living with purpose too.
That’s how you teach them balance.

[DishLady]

The thing is that if a gal is having kids... that should already be part of her dream.

Abandoning a kid in need of parenting to run off and join a commune or do a suicidal tv show isn't good parenting. (I'm not saying don't stop yourself from going to college or achieving a major milestone in work or life, but leaving a kid alone to go do this stuff... isn't reasonable.)

I agree that they see parents as role models so you DO need a life with purpose.

[MontBlanc]

I agree that choosing to have children means accepting a deep responsibility toward them.

My point wasn’t about neglecting that responsibility, but about not losing your sense of purpose as a person.

I believe children benefit from seeing their parents live meaningful lives while still being present and supportive.

That balance can teach them both responsibility and self worth.

[OlderAndWiser]

I don’t have children but i have a wife and i treat her needs as being equally as important as my needs.

[Spencer10]

If I actually had kids they would always come first... thats the commitment you have to make when you are a parent.

[MicahRaine]

My future children. Fortunately, the stars are aligned, and my children's future will be improved by my goals 😂

[exitseven]

My kids. To do the job right takes some sacrifices/

[Staximus]

I don't have kids, but if I did then everything I want would not be as important as them

[AgentG111]

That's a good question and to a degree adults at times have to have their things come first in order to provide for their children.

[DishLady]

Yeah but read the types of things these two parents did and tell me that's worth prioritizing over their own kids.