Is it normal to see my dad’s parenting as outdated and feel misled?

[Anonymous]

The more I keep hearing my father's views about parenting the more ridiculous they sound for my nearly 1 year-old son. His views used to be at its highest all the way till the 90's; then it started declining and now it's not common anymore. I see them as too outdated and several other people are raising their children differently by now. We want the next generation to be better, not the same. He's too stuck on just one parenting style. Well I don't blame him. He was born in 1954 and raised me with the way he was raised. That's being a conformist (a follower; doing things just because your family did it); not thinking outside the box, not progressing.

By the time I started college, got involved with psychological concepts and learned more about parenting, something changed. Several of his concepts don't make sense by now. By now I see him as a close-minded man that's too embedded with his ideas. My son being born in 2025 would obviously have to be better than me. I'll continue updating myself with more new information. It wouldn't make sense to teach him things from the 90's, much less from the 60's.

[goaded]

What, exactly, is he suggesting that's wrong?

My advice would be to teach children empathy but warn them about people who don't have any (bullies, politicians, marketing people). The concept of consent. Try to introduce them to the natural world, wildlife, plants, etc.

I don't see anything wrong with teaching good manners, and that there should be a presumption of respect when meeting someone for the first time.

One thing: letting your child cry themselves to sleep has been shown to have worse outcomes than picking them up or otherwise comforting them.

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

This wreaks of gender studies and non-binary nonsense.

[Asker]

Not really. More people are not buying into the traditional way as the only single way to live your life or raise kids. Things don't remain fixated on the past (there wasn't enough science, technology nor knowledge back then) and instead will continue changing as more years passed by.

[jazzy34]

Unfortunately, your dad may be set in his ways. If you don't agree with him on his parenting style, perhaps you need to make other babysitting arrangements for your son.

[Mike_Hum]

lol, sounds like you're going to be a shitty mom.

[Asker]

So is treating a child with respect (do to others what you want to be done to you) and as a human being with their own personality, likes and dislikes instead of an obedient servant being a shitty mom?

[Mike_Hum]

Children don't have the same mental capacity as adults. Furthermore they're not your peers.

[Asker]

That's even more reason to be super patient and never take it out on them. Since they're not like adults and obviously are unable to regulate their emotions correctly, it's never ok to force obedience on them through outdated fear-based compliance.

[Mike_Hum]

Of course it is. Life is full of consequences that may not be ideal for poor decision making.

[Asker]

By forcing it on them through old-school authoritarian such as hitting with objects, yelling, slapping them, soap in mouth or giving them the cold shoulders for a week (not authoritative), you're expecting them to already be mature and ironically by taking it out on them and losing your cool you (as the adult) would be getting yourself to their level and it's you that can't regulate your emotions.

[Mike_Hum]

Right. It's best to get a child to point on a chart what they're feeling, lol.

[Asker]

Better than having a child that fears you

[Mike_Hum]

Literally isn’t.

[WhitneySnow]

I agree with you