How can I safely escape an abusive parent without abandoning my mom?

Question

My dad's abusive. On Tuesday he got drunk and got into an argument with me. He threatened me. I spat in his face, and he hit me so hard he broke my finger.

We had fights like this since I was young and I still live with him and my mom. I really want to get out but I don't want to leave my mom behind and I am worried I won't hold a stable job.

I hate my life.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

I can understand why you would get upset especially if he's drunk and verbally abusive loud obnoxious

Because you're never going to win If he's been drinking

It sounds like you've tried fighting back you tried mirroring him and that doesn't seem to work

So the next option would be when he starts his crap just stand there and look deep into his eyes don't say a word not one word

Maybe when he's finished renting and raving

You might say in a very calm gentle voice So this is How you would raise your son

Shake your head and walk away

So this is how you would want your son to treat his wife and children the way you're acting right now shake your head and walk away

Do you have a brother

You have to tell him he's old enough to do what he wants

But only to himself the woman that he says he loves she has no part in it and destroying his life him being angry all the time him drinking to escape whatever it is he's trying to escape from if he's unhappy he should walk away quit taking it out on your mother

Now everything that I've said here there's a time and a place for it not all at one time yelling and screaming and arguing with him isn't getting anybody anywhere except for getting him more pissed off and getting you more pissed off the calmer you are the more powerful your words are the calmer you are you will hear your words

There's a time and a place to save them the time and the places when he's calmed down a little bit you let all that negative energy out of your body out of your tone of voice because you cannot have a tone of voice you cannot have body language all you can have is eye contact and calm words so he hears what you're saying otherwise it's not worth saying to him if he cannot hear them if he's out of control you cannot hear them

No matter what's going on show him you have control By not opening your mouth Because he can't seem to close his probably And I contact his most important

The other thing is you might want to say to him so this is what I'm looking forward to

What happens when I get into a relationship I'm so used to hearing this listening and it's going through this what are the odds that I think a man just like you is going to be okay in my life when he's not okay in my life at the moment doing this to my mother

Look what you're teaching me you're telling me it's okay for a man to abuse His wife the person that he loves The person that he says he loves You're teaching me it's okay to have a man just like you

And it's not mom's choice but look what she is teaching me she's teaching me it's okay to stay with a fucking bully like you don't say fucking though sorry sorry sorry

So Dad father you're telling me it's okay to marry a man just like you

And it's not mom's choice but she's telling me it's okay to put up with a bullshit and they abuse

So dad father I would not want a man in my life that ever treated me like this and if a man was in my life and treated me like this would you protect me or would you tell him that a boy keep going

Remember you cannot lay all this on him at one time you have to pick and choose what you say to him but always be thinking 500 yards ahead do not argue do not debate say what you have to say and stop keep your mouth closed after that otherwise what you said goes in one ear and out the other

Coercion_Is_Trauma · Accepted Answer

Are joking with this now or not? How old is he? You said you have hit him too?  Is he one of the people involved with seducing minors? You could get him imprisoned to get rid of him.

_Jenny_ · Accepted Answer

You’re 37 years old and you still live with your mom?

melnc · Answer

I don't know how deep your issues go, but spitting in your dad's face? That's something you should've never done. Period

Staximus · Answer

Should’ve been worrying about this like 20 years ago

Iron_Man · Answer

Why don’t you go to family counseling and see how that goes?

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Leave and take you mom with you. You just have to be sure she wants to leave too cause if she isn't she'll just tell him where you guys are

Ariesman81Nshiiit · Answer

Maybe next time you'll keep your mouth shut

Cidknee · Answer

Change it.

How can I safely escape an abusive parent without abandoning my mom?

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How do I deal with a emotionally abusive mother who I cannot escape?

How can I safely escape an abusive parent without abandoning my mom?

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How do I deal with a emotionally abusive mother who I cannot escape?

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