Have I gone from friend to sexual prospect?

[Anonymous]

Okay, this guy and I became friends a couple months ago, and at the time he mostly asked me advice about how to ask out another girl that we both had class with. Not to down myself or anything, but I'm the kind of girl that gets friend-zoned by guys rather than the other way around. I'm just relatable, I guess, and not most guys' type. The other girl was my complete opposite as far as bodies go.

Lately, though, he's been saying things that are more and more sexual, like "take pictures of bath time for me," joking about meeting up for sex when we get back to campus, etc.

I know you guys say that you don't friend-zone girls, but you do. I am friend-zone girl. I thought once you were in the friend zone you stayed there. What's up with him?

[markml]

The best way to understand guys is that they have two completely separate dimensions. We can actually think of it as two variables:

X = sex drive

Y = feelings / whether a guy likes you / only wants to be a friend / etc

To the best of my understanding, women also have these variables, but the variables are tangled together. There's some very complex equation that correlates X with Y, which hardly any man would claim to fully understand.

A lot of women seem to make the mistake of assuming that men are also described by some complex equation, or that men are described by a ridiculously simple equation like Y=X. Neither is true.

With 99.99% of men: X is always a constant that doesn't change, where as Y varies quite freely. I would assume that Y is similar to how it is in women, except for the fact that it's not at all influenced by X.

I don't know of a single guy for whom that is false, although different guys are going to act in different ways.

Some guys will take any chance they can to get lucky, regardless of the consequences. Other guys who are little a bit more conscious of the decisions they make, will try to avoid indiscriminate sexual liaisons. Some guys do it because they have morals that say it's wrong, and other guys do it only because they're worried about being perceived as douche bags. Either way, the guy may slip up, or the judgment barriers may start to break down.

That's what's happening with your friend. I don't think he looks at you any differently than he did when he first met you, but since he's been spending a lot of time around you, it's occurred to him that he has a chance of having sex with you. And sex for a guy is like hunger. If he's hungry enough, he may not even be thinking about how sex might change his relationship with you. Or how even talking about sex is getting your hopes up.

I think that's a bit different than what people mean by the "friend zone". I think that with guys, our feelings may change over time, but it's not really the same as having a friend zone.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm. .. I hate to tell you but he might be looking for a confidence boosting POA (piece of ass) since his desires for the other girl obviously did not work out for him. It doesn't mean he doesn't value you as a person but yeah you should be careful what you do now, maybe just do what you can to be a comforting friend to him and ignore any sexual talk or flirting he brings up to you.

[Asker]

That's what I've been trying to do, just be a good friend, but I'm worried that when we get back to school he'll try something. I really don't want this to get ruined by a lapse in judgment.

[Opinion Owner]

So don't let yourself have a lapse in judgement then. It's hard but certain things make it easier like not drinking alcohol if you know you'll be around him and just always think of the big picture no matter what your hormones might be telling you at the time.

[shadowcat517]

People's feelings change over time, so friend-zone doesn't always last forever. I'd say he's hitting on you.

[sixstring]

If you're even semi-attractive, most guys just can't help but fantasize about you sexually. Most of your friends have.

[Asker]

So you're telling me you don't have even one female friend that you just don't think about sexually?

[sixstring]

The unattractive ones.

[yopyopyop]

Is he applying the advice you gave him, to you ?