Relationships

Am I in the wrong for declining my bfs sexual advances?

I (25f) have been with my boyfriend (24m) for almost a year. Safe to say, its been a battle. And simply, just toxic.

Our issues would be down to a lot of name callings, accusations of infidelity due to past experiences, and just a lot of disrespect. And, threats of suicide if one was to leave. This is all from his end than mine. And he has not been understanding or respecting my need for space after such moments. I feel like I have been pleading for the same changes since last year and there has been no effort or consideration.

I do. But Truthfully, our relationship feels like a losing game. I've become someone I don’t recognise. I now give him what he gives me, hence why the arguments end up taking days because I just can't back down. I feel hurt and angry and sad. I feel traumatised. I was always someone who handled my emotions maturely, but that just flew out the window after being with him. And I tried to end things once, to which he told me his dead body will be my responsibility. Im really tired, everyone.

As a result of the distress and emotional decline, my libido has been down. I do not crave to be sexual, while we’re dealing with such hard issues. And I simply can’t. Sex is an emotional thing for me. And I do not feel like I can give that to him now. However, he gets really angry because of it and we end up having an argument, because he thinks its a sign that I dont love him. And I’m getting tired of repeating the same things over and over. I can’t expect him to not have his needs, and I dont blame him for it. I even explained that to him. But given how bad things are between us, the constant conflict, I can’t feel that. And I wish he understood how bad things are, instead of getting angry. But am I truly in the wrong, for not wanting sex? How would you take it given the context?

Am I in the wrong for declining my bfs sexual advances?
Post Opinion