28F, do I sound like that much of a turn off to the opposite sex?

[Anonymous]

I’m starting to realize that maybe men just don’t like me, I’m going to be 30 soon & never been in a proper relationship. I don’t want kids at least but I really don’t think I’m unattractive, I have self esteem issues so my opinion changes. But I’ve been on the dating apps for years on and off, my interest in them just became lesser over the years. Getting matches are never the issue it’s just it working out, always ghosting, fizzling out, etc. I’m told I’m cute/attractive, I never get asked out by guys in person, I can confidently say I’ve never been approached by a guy I found physically attractive. Back when I was 23 I dated someone briefly & I felt so offended by only being able to attract him it felt like settling I couldn’t be with him, I’ve been alone this whole time that shows you how men feel about me. When I was younger and around people my age more often I was told these guys found me attractive but they never did anything about it. The fact that beautiful people are always taken it makes me realize I’m maybe just not good enough. Isn’t it strange being as old as I am & still not meeting someone that I actually like? I’m not asking for a lot: good looks, taller than me (doesn’t have to be 6+ ft), educated, good sense of humor, not a cheater etc. I feel like I’ve genuinely become less interested in dating with my experience, I have a lower than average sex drive too I think

Yes

No

[kylee2437]

So from my experiences a lot of men that don’t want kids, don’t want commitment either. They want a fun life with no restriction. Many men get into relationships for the simple fact that they want kids and a family. Very rare that you will find a young man that wants commitment with no kids and I think it’s even harder to find that on a dating app per say. I think you should keep trying though, maybe try to figure out the common denominator on why these situations fizzle out and such

[SlothySlob]

I'd argue that the majority of people using dating apps aren't really looking for a serious relationship, but just sex. At least I'd argue that for men.

[kylee2437]

@SlothySlob very true with that, but that doesn’t mean their aren’t men on there that aren’t looking for relationships. I just find that men that don’t want kids/ want a family don’t want commitment either and that’s where she may have troubles as well especially when she is at an age where people typically have children. It definitely narrows down her options.

[kylee2437]

Are looking for relationships *

[SlothySlob]

@kylee2437, that's why I said majority. If she states in the bio, "I don't want kids" you lose the majority of serious guys. What you're then left with is guys who want to have sex for the sake of having a bigger body count, for the sake of having sex and those guys who think, "she's a good starter girl."

[kylee2437]

@SlothySlob I mean even bringing that up on conversation, most men that want relationships is because they want to start a family and pass off their genetics. There’s some rare men out there that want a relationship without those but it’s going to be hard to find.

[SlothySlob]

@kylee2437 I'd argue that those are usually in the 18 - 25 age bracket. In other words, kids who don't know who they are yet.

[kylee2437]

@SlothySlob or her age bracket as well too. Her age bracket is still young. If she dated someone in her 50s , she may have a better shot

[Anonymous]

"I can confidently say I’ve never been approached by a guy I found physically attractive."

"Back when I was 23 I dated someone briefly & I felt so offended by only being able to attract him it felt like settling"

You sound like many/most modern women... you have overestimated your own value as a woman and turned your nose up at men who were probably as good as you're going to be able to get. It never occurred to you that that guy who "offended" you may have been settling too. And at your age, now you finally are beginning to understand that you are not the woman most good men who you find attractive actually want.

Modern women in a nutshell.

[Anonymous]

'I’ve never been approached by a guy I found physically attractive. '

As is common to so many women. They have absolutely no idea of their 'true' level of attractiveness and think they are too good, or so much better than guys who are even considered above this. The issue is the same for many women and it won't change.

[AmeerX]

You have almost exact problem is mine. Same age. I feel like I am settling for someone less. Parents want arranged marriage.
I just don't get it. I want to settle down too. I am virgin and I declined fornication/hook up from two girls. Had break hearts.

I don't think you must be ugly. I am 99% positive you are actually beautiful. What you have been doing wrong is using apps.
You should go for a brides agency if you want to settle. It may seem desperate but it's the right way

[OddBeMe]

So what you’re postulating is that each gender has a certain joie de vivre and you got the short straw. Doesn’t seem plausible.

Most likely, you’re just like everyone else (no offense) and have self confidence issues as well as a bubble that you’re afraid to step out of.

[Twalli]

You aren't attractive, because guys have asked you out. You just haven't attracted the guys you are attracted to. I would make a list of everything you look for in a guy. Then find out the things you prefer and the things you need. Remove all the preferences and only look for needs. While you may prefer 6 feet tall at least with a nice car, house, and good job. Maybe all you need is a good job.

[SlothySlob]

A turn off? Maybe to some.
Honestly, I wouldn't really know why your relationships fall apart. Maybe it's how you carry yourself, maybe it's the way you talk to people, who knows.
I would kinda need to talk to you more to know.

[Berethor]

Lower than average sex drive and don’t want kids sounds bad, it dealbreaker to many men.

[CuriousMufuxka]

I think you're being too selective. It's not like you've haven't had chances of guys approaching, but more like not willing to really look around. Girls can ask guys out in person as well.

[Stevefiveo]

The low sex drive would be a deal breaker for me but the rest of you sounds good. Maybe just bad luck?

[Jamie05rhs]

Your problem is you're waiting for things to happen to you, instead of going out and getting what you want.

[Abc99]

You should wait for the right time you're still young so don't worry you'll find someone worth having a relationship with

[moviedude714]

How long was your longest relationship and what do you mean by proper relationship

[slatyb]

How many men do you greet by name?

[Anonymous]

No kids, is a no for me.