Guys where do you like to touch a woman when flirting with her?

[Anonymous]

Where and how would you touch to flirt and why?

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

I like to start with really safe touching, so hand, arm, shoulder. As she gets more comfortable, waist and lower back.

It kind of depends upon the girl. If she seems like the shy type and/or really inexperienced, I'll either keep touch to really safe areas, or I'll start safe and ramp up. If a girl is really outgoing or seems experienced, I'll get to more intimate touching pretty fast, sometimes even just starting there if I really think she can handle it (but I don't usually do that--the girls who like this respond REALLY well, but if I'm wrong, they don't respond well AT ALL--which is why I typically start safer, just to avoid messing things up/not get slapped).

It also depends where we are. If somewhere or with someone where there's a chance she'll get embarrassed or look bad, I keep touching pretty safe. Sexual touch (breasts, ass, etc) I personally reserve for the bedroom only--some guys don't, but I think it is too heavy too early.

So general rule of thumb: start light/safe and work your way up, and be mindful not to embarrass her or make her look bad.

[Asker]

How do you like her to touch you to show she is ok with it?

[creativeusername101]

if the woman happens ti be the very shy/inexperienced type and get noticeably nervous after moving onto the waist, lower back do you go back to the safer touches for a while or assume she's not interested in you and completly give up?

[Asker]

Just what I was wondering. I want to make sure I'm telling him... Go for it... not back off.. Lol!

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

I am basically always initiating touching--if I wait for her to touch me first, it may never happen. The guy has to lead and show his interest. But do it naturally.

Let's say we meet while walking down the street, and there are a lot of people still walking. I might say "let's step aside so they don't run us over." If she agrees, as we start walking, I'll gently rest my hand on her arm to guide her to wear we can speak, just a few feet away. Just very natural. Not gripping or anything, just the same way you'd scoot a child to the side so they don't get bumped by someone walking around a corner.

Or I might put my hand out to say hello, and when she holds my hand, just continue to hold hers. Or I'd say those are beautiful earrings and reach out and very gently move her, just a little, to get a look and then take my hand back.

All touching just has to make natural sense. If it makes sense in context of the interaction, it usually isn't a big deal.

[Asker]

So a guy who has never initiated anything other than a handshake and then puts his hand on the lady's back while they are walking and later puts his hand on her shoulder while talking? Good? And what response is he looking for? A touch back? Smile? Shiver?

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

Now, her initiating is pretty rare--you usually have to be moving too slow for a girl to do that. It's kind of her way of saying "I like you, dummy, get the clue and make something happen!"

More aggressive girls may initiate touch though. Let's say she's really spirited, she may playfully slap me on the arm or a gentle push if I'm teasing her. Or some girls *really* like facial hair, haha, so you invite them to go ahead and touch the beard, lol.

Other ways it may happen naturally is if you're sitting, you tell a joke, and she reaches and lightly touches your arm or leg while laughing or something like that. This is pretty natural.

Sometimes, I may even just put her hand on me--let's say I'm still holding her hand and we're being playfully romantic; I may bring her hand to my face and fake "cuddle" it in a joking display of affection, etc.

Honestly, it's all about what is contextually relevant and natural.

If you want to initiate, laugh and touch is pretty safe.

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

Whoa, all those responses came while I was typing, didn't know they were there. Let me see if I can answer them.

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

If a girl seems nervous when it's more intimate touching, I don't just give up (that's lame, lol); I simply go back to safer touching--if she's ok with that, it just means I need to build more rapport. Or that I've misjudged the environment, so we should go somewhere else where she'll be more comfortable with that kind of touch.

If you want him to go *further* than he is, mirror the kind of touching he's doing--start touching him too. Then maybe playfully push his chest (if he doesn't start touching you more, he's clueless! this one is VERY potent), run your fingers through your own hair, grab his hand, etc., playful slaps on the arm if he's teasing you and you're both laughing, etc.

Maybe look for something he's wearing, mention it, and touch it at the same time (I like to do that with jewelry).

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

"So a guy who has never initiated... Smile? Shiver?"

Typically, if a guy has his hands on you, it's good--he likes you. What is the response he's looking for? That you are comfortable with his touch--because it assures him you like him too. If you touch him back in just about any way, it's assuring.

I'm not necessarily looking for a particular thing. Largely, I just want to find out if we both are in agreement about liking each other--I don't need you to shiver, haha

Now if you did shiver, I would IMMEDIATELY gauge if that shiver was because you were uncomfortable with my touch, or if you really liked it, and I would do that by looking to your eyes and lips. If uncomfortable, I would back off to safe touch (also checking to see if my hands are cold, lol). If you were shivering because you liked the touch (based on your facial expressions), I would waste no time getting you home--you probably want to have sex with me right now, and I would hate to disappoint you! ;)

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

And smiling is always inviting--If I touch and you smile, I'm just going to keep trying to go further.

Hope that helps ;)

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

@creativeusername101 @asker

Specifically about giving up... the guy may just be inexperienced if he does. A lot of guys do not know how to touch--this is a big area of mystery for a lot of men. I feel like I could keep going on this topic, but I also feel a bit disconnected while talking at the moment. It's something that I kind of just do and don't think about much while actually speaking to a girl--it really just has to become natural.

So the point is, if a guy was touching you and then suddenly stops after say/do something, he may not know it isn't a rejection, but that he just needs to take a step back. So touching him again while joking may encourage him to try again.

[Asker]

Thanks! I didn't jerk back or anything and I certainly allowed it... But I don't think I smiled at him either. We was at big sorting event with tons of people milling about and I hadn't slept good so was tired. I saw him 2 months later and he didn't speak to me... Just hung around nervously for while... So I think I messed up. I plan to see him this week so want to fix it before he thinks I have no interest.

[TadCurious]

On the hand, the forearm (hell, I guess the entire arm), and the shoulder and back. But let's take a hypothetical: Let's say it's summertime and she's wearing a crop top and low cut shorts. Let's say there was a loose thread (I'm reaching here, I know) on her exposed belly, right around her belly button. It would be great to be able to say "Oh, let me get that" and brush it off really lightly.

[renogaza]

if they touch me then i'll go phobia mode and tremble like crazy so.. ill just walk away before that happens..

[justbeinghonest]

Her lower back or waist. Her hand if they are just starting to flirt now.

[PiuBelloAmante]

Her waist it is very intimate with out being overly sexual.

[MisterSirMan]

Waist if they're shyer or low back if they're more confident (an it's a more social setting)

[maccgeorge]

i like to touch her by putting my arm around her shoulder
or just wak and hold her hand

[syd48]

On the upper arm or wrist.

[AlwaysBelieving]

I don't. Filler filler