You dump her, call her, and her number has been changed?

[Anonymous]

Hey guys. You loved your girl, the relationship isn't working due to differences, (no cheating or anything) you dump your girl. Tell her you wanna be friends, she agrees with it. She cries and tells you how much she loves you. Months past and you decide to call her. But her cell number is no longer in service (if it was an emergency you have her email and phone at her work). What are your thoughts? What would you being thinking or wanting to do?

Updates

+1 y

Please let me know what the respectable answer as to what the best response she could give you that will help you understand why she did this. It isn't about resentment or payback. I'm not saying I don't love the guy, I'm saying I love him too much.

Updates

+1 y

What happen to put yourself first? Guys tell the girls that have been "dumped" to put their happiness ahead of his and that "she" owes him nothing... Now, all the responses are saying these actions to put your happiness first are selfish?

Updates

+1 y

I have asked him to reconsider the break up, the response I got was no. Also, please keep in mind that the ex has the direct line to her work and her email is sent to her phone anyways. There are other ways of contacting her if it was an emergency.

[Middleman]

Personally I would think it is a bit rude (and selfish) to be honest. You promised to remain friends and now you suddenly decided to change your number...just when he most needed you. But then again I understand your feelings (of having gone through such pain)...

It depends on which viewpoint you stand on...and I see that both parties are both right, and both wrong. I call this Cause and Effect...because it really is. One party decided to 'dump' the other one, and the other (because they felt hurt and betrayed from this experience) could not develop the strength or patience anymore to hold onto the potential hope that an out-of-the-blue call may bring.

One thing I believe our society makes really big things out of (and which causes a huge amount of hurt, resentment and unhappiness), is the word 'dump'. The truth is, it was not a 'dump' but rather a letting go. You came together because you felt a mutual sense of affection and attraction. The logic should be that should you leave (because of incompatibility issues), it should also be mutual. But this does not happen. Why? Because we hold onto the little things too much...we have become so embroiled and infatuated with this other person (thinking we may never find another one like them) that we forget why we got together in the first place.

So, if we want to create long-lasting relationships, (even if we have separated with our ex), we should resist the temptation to delete them off the phone, and allow them to be there should the need ever arise that they may contact us again. Because its not only the right thing to do, it is the most wisest and loving thing to do.

Nobody ever deserves to be 'dumped', only to be loved or made friends with.

[CubanRaftRider]

I haven't ever dumped a girl (but I have been dumped) and I think I would just kinda be like "screw it" personally. Besides she has my number if she wanted to contact me. I've always found that talking to an ex (or even a girl I am interested in but it never went anywhere) just prolongs that "getting over it" stage so I don't ever mess with it.

[frinsinteen]

Honestly, you dumped her when she was at her most fragile phase. She loved you and I'm sure she was deeply scarred by that (oh lord of heaven! =_=) and she doesn't want to be your friend, so you've got to stop being selfish (that's how she would see you if you ask me) and approach your other friends if you want to talk to someone. She wouldn't be the only close person to you, right?

[shenholds09]

i would say, you changed your number because you are trying to cut him off, and you probably deleted him outta ur phone book to right? ya ur trying to get over him by making it so that you won't think of talking to him

[l-hedoniste]

E-mail: "Did you change your number and not tell me...on purpose?"

[Asker]

What if the answer was this;

I changed my phone number for my own benefit. This is about what I need to do, to be happy with myself that his time. I'm sorry, I'd rather not do this anymore...

[themastaplan]

Then if I was teh guy id say F***KKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU because obvioulsy its important enough for him to go out of his way to try and talk to you....he contacted you because of an EMERGENCY, be respectful, mature and nice...hes obvioulsy vulnerable about something and feels ur the only one who can help him...why the phuck would you say that...honestly stop being selfish....

[Asker]

Now, what would be the more compassionate answer as to what you expected to hear? What can make the situation better? Please tell me.

[Asker]

Just to add. The question is that you dumped her...

I honestly would like to know what is the best answer this she can give you when she is hurting and felt like this was the only way to move on. Everytime the phone rings, she wishes it was you. Has even asked you, if you would ever reconsider... You said, No.

[l-hedoniste]

No more replies. He's trying to send you a message--"go away"--and he'll become steadily more firm until you get it.

I'm sorry, but this is quite completely over.

[Asker]

I know its over. I never asked you if he would come back, I asked what I could say to him to make him understand that I have feelings too and they are hurt...

[l-hedoniste]

Nothing.

[britisbusy]

Nothing, you dumped her, let her move on.