Ahhh the joys of oversimplification.
More accurately...
1/
Yr look needs to be CONSISTENT with the rest of yr personality and general vibe.
2/
Women with certain personalities tend to be more attracted to some male looks, and less attracted to others. And of course vice versa.
__
These should be self-explanatory, but...
1/
Think about how you would type-cast characters for a Hollywood movie.
What would an action hero look like -- and what personality should an action hero have?
How about an in-yr-face bad guy?
How about a sneaky, behind-the-scenes bad guy?
How about a ruthless rich businessman? Etc etc.
Now... think about putting these characters into bodies (and/or clothes) that DON'T SUIT them... and thinking about how awkward the resulting portrayal would be.
You get me, right?
In fact, this is the essence of "creepy". The core of "creepy" is when someone's look and actual behavior don't match -- which makes us feel, on a deep gut level, like "whoa shit, this is an unstable [and so possibly dangerous] person".
A devilishly handsome boy with the body of an action hero, who’s also cripplingly shy and socially awkward... is FUCKING CREEPY.
Whereas the same awkwardness could be “endearing”, in a lanky coffeehouse denizen with a penchant for poetry slams.
The point is,
··•• if YOUR personality is TOO different from the stereotype / gut reaction created by yr look, then, YOU WILL DO VERY BADLY WITH WOMEN. ••··
Most notably, if you are to any extent shy or socially awkward, then, getting noticeably ripped / "buff" will almost certainly make you seem MORE CREEPY.
The same is true the other way around, too. (If a woman dresses like a stereotypical bimbo, but is actually a wallflower who’s terrified of strangers... that’s going to be offputting to just about everyone.)
On the other hand... the opposite sex is potentially dangerous to women, in a way that just doesn’t work in the other direction. (The average man could easily kill the average woman with his bare hands, if he really, really wanted to.)
Therefore, the whole notion of “creepy” — and hence these sorts of mismatches — are a MUCH bigger deal to women, and so guys need to think a lot harder about avoiding them.
And
2/
If yr dream girl is reserved, quiet, artsy, and has a personality that just isn't "intense" in general... well, she probably just ••won’t•• be attracted to boy bodies that scream "intensity!" and "hard-driving!" and “action!!”.
She might even find them... creepy.
Missed your answers 😘. There are defintiely infinite levels of it.
Defintiely get what you mean. A businessman who you expect to be machiavellian and supremely self-assured would come off as creepy if he wore ballcrushjng jeans and sockless guccis then never met your eyes or chatted to you.
Also good point about the physical threat, I’ve never thought that women walk around with that fear in the 21st century.
I guess a ripped handsome boy can be forward and confident in his approach, because that’s the stereotype assigned to him... But an obese boy with glasses and bad skin is not allowed to be confident right. (I can sorta understand that too, since passive and shy would mean you sit on your ass at home all day accumulating weight and never getting sun)
I've a friend who is >400 lbs., bespectacled, somewhat unkempt hair (that's improved since his marriage), Jesus-like beard (at times it looked more like Tom Hanks in Castaway), about 6'2", very morbidly obese. I'm curious what kind of vibe or mannerisms do you think it would take for him to not be deemed a creep? What personality would match his looks?
For the record, he's happily married and to the best of my knowledge never been labeled a creep. Yes, the overwhelming majority of women didn't find him physically attractive, but they never found him creepy (at leas the ones I'm friends with, including my wife)
I know it's a tall order. I'd provide you with a picture but I don't have his permission.
There's a movie, Earthquake, which I think kind of touched on what you're saying here, at least with one of the characters.
"But an obese boy with glasses and bad skin is not allowed to be confident right"
^^ Not so fast there. Bigger-than-life boys have plenty of options, when it comes to being "typecast" in confident roles.
including...
• Class clown (like a big bouncing baby who just never rlly grew up)
• "Gentle giant"
• Bull in a china shop / physically overwhelming dude... who also represents safety/security for lots of women (this is mostly a thing in lower-class parts of town, but... it's still a thing)
I know the "glasses + bad skin" stereotype of which you speak, and it rlly doesn't have anything to do with being overweight.
If someone looks like they just don't give the first shit about basic grooming or hygiene... that's going to preclude romantic relations regardless of that person's physical build. (Most of the dudes I've known who've fit that stereotype, by the way, were either skinny or "nerd-soft"/pasty.)
@Bluemax At a younger age... most likely one of the roles I just rattled off.
If he's ••our•• age (cringe...) or older? Just think of whatever the adjective "jolly" conjures in yr mind, and that's probably a good start.
Oh, and. If his wife is the type to express her love and devotion with sinfully rich baked goods and other comfort food... well... I know a few women like that, and let's just say they don't mind at all when their man puts on weight on account of their... ••love•• ahah. Even if it's lots and lots and lots and LOTS of weight.
He is our age. He still weighs over 400 lbs. His other less attractive habits have evaporated.
I dunno how much his wife indulges him with sinful foods. His wife is positively tiny. More so by comparison. When they hug, it reminds me of a white blood cell eating a much smaller bacteria.
No woman has ever called him creepy within earshot of me. Ever. Disgusting and unattractive, yes (often expressing lament that he's a good guy), but never a creep.
I was reminded of an acquaintance of mine, same physique, and every one found him a creep.
A tale of two Shreks... but more on that later.
@Bluemax Well, ok, but this mountain of a dude has done at least something to earn the estimable title of ••friend•• from YOU...
... so, assuming you don't just hand that title out like an oil-change coupon, the secret may lie (at least in part) therein.
Also... there are women who just happen to have a thing for "BHM"s, in the same way there are men who just happen to have a thing for "BBW"s. Maybe that, too, is at work here.
Who knows.
So, without further delay
A Tale of Two Shreks
The first is my aforementioned friend. We'll call him the Professor. He's brilliant and always has been. Solves for the area under a parabola for fun. Pretty good with physics, too (yet oddly knows nothing about machines). Giant man. Giant heart. Of the stereotypes you listed above, he most closely resembles the gentle giant. In high school, he was invisible to women. I think he had a "why bother?" attitude. He was painfully aware he wasn't physically attractive. He did have issues with personal hygiene (related to the "why bother?" attitude). Huge gamer geek (so was I), and I mean *COMPLICATED* games that ate up hundreds of hours (mostly WW II and Napoleonic Wars) with some role playing games thrown in for flights of fancy. Learned computer languages on a whim (in the days of Apple IIs). Loved by many friends, myself among them. I didn't know every girl in high school, but I never once heard them say he was a creep...
Unattractive (almost always with a "but he's sooooooo nice!" in a sincere voice), yes, but creepy, no way.
I love him to bits. My wife did, too.
Then there's The Troll. Same frame, same hygiene problems, but I think his sunken eyes made him a bit more menacing. Above average intelligence, but nowhere near the level of the Professor. I was two or three years ahead of him, but he had a weird entourage of geeks that followed him (all of them tiny). He pretended to know things about which he clearly knew nothing. He had a rather bizarre, fetish like attraction to two characters from laser disc video games (which were a new thing in the 80s), one from Dragon's Layer and the other from Space Ace. Keep in mind, these are CARTOONS. But oddest of all, he once came to school, (HIGH SCHOOL) bragging that he was descended from... ELVES!!! He acted like he believed it, too (I don't think he did believe it, but he tried to assure us he believed it). Also keep in mind...
... that aside from the nuttiness of claiming to have ELVES IN ONE'S ANCESTRY!!! that he looked much more like Shrek than Orlando Bloom. Needless to say, I kept my distance... and so did virtually every one else. And people thought he was creepy as fuck, though I tended to pity him more than be creeped out by him.
Now, Professor graduates, attends a UC school, gets his masters in math, goes on to teach advanced placement math in a charter school. While attending college, he got a job in the tutoring center at a community college. He realizes that he's got to comb his hair, take a shower, and make small talk to his students. He does this. He converts to Christianity, attends a church, meets several women there, falls in love with one of them, gets married, and has two kids and a fairly happy life (thus far... but his weight is catching up with him and he's experiencing health problems... this makes me sad 'cause I love him).
When he got married, I attended the ceremony and there were tons of women from his church saying how he deserves his wife, his wife is lucky, he's suuuuuuuch a sweet guy, etc. His students love him. His wife and kids love him. His friends love him. I love him. I've never heard ANYONE call him a creep, including those who found him very unattractive.
As an adult, I would say the Professor is, well, professorial. Wise, profound, and gentle.
Now, on to The Troll. After graduation, my friend told me he saw Troll in a 24 Hour Fitness. He hadn't lost a pound. He still looked like Shrek. And he was bragging to the girl next to him that he was going to be a Top Gun pilot (I've been in an F-20 cockpit. I am certain he couldn't fit into any fighter's cockpit... and I mean that literally). He is carrying Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer's combined weight in body fat. The girl he was bragging to was nodding politely and longing for him to shut up.
Through the miracle of Facebook, I recently found Troll. He has gained weight. His eyes are even more menacing. His smile is nonexistent. His hair is a greasy bird's nest. His friends are sparse. He is an aircraft mechanic, but photos around his apartment and pics of his car show he's struggling financially (some of his posts hint that, too). His posts are an endless stream of political rants. Not only has he failed with women, I'm sorry to say he's failed in life.
On one occasion in high school, I met Troll's parents. They have a very offputting vibe, too.
I enter them as exhibits A and B that what you're saying, while there are exceptions, is more or less correct.
This is the most I've written in months! Very cathartic! Thanks!
Sounds like it's the woman's fault. A hot "super hero" looking guy could just be insecure and shy, do nothing wrong, and still seem creepy.
C. Research shows that people are more apt to tolerate flirtation or sexual advances from someone that they find attractive.
There have been TONS of studies that show a correlation between perceiving someone as physically attractive and perceiving that same person as friendlier, more reliable, intelligent, and--perhaps most relevant to your question--SAFER. We simply feel more secure and at ease around people who are attractive than people who are visually displeasing.
There are a lot of theories on why that's the case, but there's one evolutionary psych theory that comes to mind. It's a bit of a nitty-gritty one. It applies mainly to women and the gist of it this: The reason that women are less likely to perceive an attractive man as creepy than one who is unattractive (holding their approach, behaviour, and script constant) is not because the better-looking guy is less "risky" from a physical danger perspective, but because it would simply be more reproductively advantageous to take the risk with him. His genetic material is of higher value, which means that he has more to offer her potential offspring. If a woman is to face an unwanted pregnancy (for whatever reason, it doesn't have to be the result of sexual assault; it could just be poor planning), it's simply more evolutionarily advantageous for it to be from the guy with the higher quality genetic material.
Love you.
I do wonder about the last bit, is that why so many women choose to keep the unplanned children of wasters without the prospect of providing for her and the child (butwho are admittedly attractive wasters)?
<3
That could definitely play a role in it, yup.
A little late... I’ve been MIA on here lol
But to answer your question honestly it’s true, biggest example would be Christian Grey lol if he was a ugly, old, working class man it would be creepy and he’d probably get arrested. Looks actually help people get away with a lot mainly because of something called the “halo effect” where because you find someone attractive you automatically think they’re a good person and associate all good things to that person, and even if they do bad you find excuses for that. It’s a sad truth tbh.
Missed you <3. MiA indeed, Hope you're well!
The halo effect is real yeah.
Awwh ☺️ thanks haha I’m good, how are you?
Yep it’s a real thing lol
Good good :) rammed full of work as usual, coursework and real work. Funny, GaG has been my only outlet during the brief breaks i'm taking for work. Kinda about to apply for another position at the moment so i've got to create a case study of my work to show them.
London is so dreary in winter, its depressing ;/
You can definitely still be creepy if you're hot, it's just a lot easier to pass the creepiness by being blinded by the cock. But the truth is, is if you look like you spend more hours in your mom's basements playing with Star Wars legos or playing WoW then yeah, you're probably gonna look creepier if you act awkward or out of line.
Hope the guys read this... the way to not be creepy is to whip out the D and blind the girl with it!
Exactly, show her that glorious cock and she'll fall to her knees.
It's true to a point but it's self-fulfilling.
People who get reject often enough either don't ask anymore or get angry about the "why" as if anyone owes them a chance.
Good looking, confident, and mostly successful people just don't have the same worries. They ask, if rejected, move on.
It's more about how he handles it then anything. The other way around is true as well. A super-hot woman coming over and saying, "hey want to grab a drink" gets a much different response then a 50 stone one who then gets angry if you say no.
I wouldn't say it's "only" creepy if the guy is ugly, but I definitely think guys are significantly more likely to be perceived as creepy if the girl thinks they are unnattractive. I also believe hot guys can push the boundary A LOT farther than average or ugly guys could before they start to be thought of as creepy.
It's also probably not a coincidence that if you do a google image search for "creepy guy" you won't see many conventionally attractive guys.
Opinion
15Opinion
In most cases, it's behavior that makes a man creepy.
However, these answers along the lines of "Well, attractive men can be creepy, too." don't really address the point. Just because you found a man physically attractive and creepy doesn't mean that you have less tolerance, overall, for less attractive people.
On the whole, more attractive people get treated better than their less attractive counterparts. That there are some exceptions doesn't disprove the overall rule.
Indeed, that’s my line of reasoning too, hence the third option.
Often times yes but not always. I've met some really creepy good looking guys, that being stalkerish behaviour and extreme persistence + groping. Some of these guys do way too much because they think they can get away with it because they're good looking. Nope. Still a creepy mf.
I don’t care how good looking you are. If you make a woman feel uncomfortable on purpose or stalk her or threaten her or generally behave like a creepy asshole... THEN YOU ARE A FUCKING CREEP.
No not stalking or threatening.
Making her feel uncomfortable *unintentionally*, the point where it goes from flattering to uncomfortable... wondering if that point shifts at all depending on who’s doing it.
I can understand why you hate people that deliberately make women uncomfortable creepy and know what they're doing is wrong.
But when are you calling people that are simply socially ignorant "evil"? Someone might be shy and have poor social skills, that doesn't make them a bad person so long as they respect your boundaries.
*why are you
@Uhhjsshshdh and how long do you expect that sorry excuse to work? If you’re still unable to relate to people in your 30s, you’re not ignorant. You’re just a fucking creep.
The issue is:
Socially awkward woman with poor social skills = ignorant and cute
Socially awkward man with poor social skills = creepy and evil
Neither of them have ill intentions.
@Uhhjsshshdh don’t avoid the question. How long do you expect “but I don’t know any better!” to be an acceptable excuse?
"I don't know any better" for what? For acting sexual towards someone before they indicate it's okay? It's never appropriate behaviour.
"I don't know any better" in terms of acting shy, stuttering, or being awkward and that somehow makes you uncomfortable? No age required. Social anxiety is a thing.
@Uhhjsshshdh it’s also not an excuse forever. If you have an issue that you refuse to work on or change, then it’s a crutch. Using a mental illness as a crutch is a conscious choice, and it is desperately inappropriate. One might even call it insidious, depending on the outcome.
Well I hope you're willing to accept the same ammount of criticism that you dish out to people with disabilities.
@Uhhjsshshdh I am disabled buddy. I just don’t use it as a get out of jail free card.
@Astoriana
Very well. I'll use my brother as an example. He has cerebral palsy. He's unable to walk without a cane, and even then he can only walk a few feet.
To ask him to walk a football field without his cane is absurd. He is literally incapable of doing that. He could no more do it than I could eat the sun.
Similarly, for some people to grab a clue, it's as if you asked my brother to get up and walk a football field without a cane. No, it's not a crutch. It's not some mere excuse. The person literally is incapable of doing it. There are people who have neurological problems that just disconnect them from reading things like body language, vocal inflections, etc. People who are profoundly autistic, or who were seriously abused, or for other reasons. In those cases, which granted are (thankfully) a precious few, then they could live 30 years and be unable to grab a clue. In fact, they could live 30,000 years and be unable to grab a clue.
Granted, those cases are extremely rare. Nevertheless they do exist (read Oliver Sacks if you're interested). But for them it's not a crutch. It's not an excuse. It's a serious problem.
I know you didn't pose the question to me, but in answer to, "How long do you expect 'but I don’t know any better!' to be an acceptable excuse," I would say it very much depends on the person's background, but on the whole I would say by the time they're your age, they should know better.
Now, a question to you. Are there *ANY* circumstances under which labeling someone a creep is unjust? Any circumstances whatsoever?
@Bluemax no. There aren’t. If you make someone uncomfortable, you’re a creep.
A mental illness is not a get out of jail free card. You can work on social anxiety - which isn’t actually pathological shyness or awkwardness anyway. It’s a fear of social interaction. Being anxious doesn’t excuse you from giving a woman who has never shown you any hint of her sexual or romantic interest in you lingerie. That’s still fucking creepy, will always be creepy and will never be acceptable.
Stammering a little when you speak is not creepy. Making people uncomfortable because you can’t be bothered to learn how to behave is.
And don’t insult autistic people by believing that they’re socially awkward monsters. They can learn how to interact with people and they often do. And someone whose autism is so severe that they CANNOT be taught to interact (ie someone non-verbal) is likely not going to be in this situation anyway.
So quit making excuses for shitty behaviour and be accountable for once.
As I work with autistic people, insulting them is the last thing I'd like to do. However, having worked with hundreds of them over a career that spans almost as long as you've been alive, I am aware that while most can learn social behavior, some absolutely cannot. They are the people I'm talking about, not idiots who send people lingerie who they don't know well or who they have no romantic connection to (this has happened to one of my colleagues, by the way, and it was from the father of her student!)
People with severe autism can and do interact with other people. They hold down jobs. And occasionally they make people uncomfortable. And I don't think they're creeps so much as those who are made uncomfortable are just ignorant. In replying "no. There aren't." to the question are there *any* circumstances under which labeling someone a creep is unjust, you're the one excusing bad behavior. You're the one saying a person, man or woman, has carte blanche to label someone a creep...
"No. There aren’t. If you make someone uncomfortable, you’re a creep"
So someone could just be walking down the street, being respectful minding his own business, and you think he looks "ugly or weird" you think he's a creep.
That's your fault, not his.
for *ANY* reason at all (that's why I said *any* circumstance), which is bad behavior.
"If you make someone uncomfortable, you’re a creep."
Always? No human in the history of humanity who has felt uncomfortable wasn't being just hypersensitive? Or they just misunderstood someone? People who label others creeps are *ALWAYS* right? In *every* circumstance?
As for making excuses for shitty behavior, I would say that's advice you ought to follow. But probably won't.
@Uhhjsshshdh you must have recently had a lobotomy because you are having a lot of trouble understanding words. Creepiness has nothing to do with looks. If you are often called creepy, it’s because of your overbearing intensity and your inability to accept another perspective.
Astriona: Hi, I'd like to buy some apples.
Cashier: Sure thing, that'll be $5 please.
Astriona: I don't like your voice, you're a fucking creep.
Who's at fault here?
*Astoriana, typing mistake, my bad
@Uhhjsshshdh wrong. You’re boring me now with your idiotic whining.
"It’s because of your overbearing intensity and your inability to accept another perspective." What? So if two people are debating they're creepy? We have politician A arguing one perspective, and politician B arguing another perspective. Because they don't come to an agreement they are creepy? By that logic, all people who debate are creepy.
There's a ring of truth today it, yes, but it's a generalization and doesn't apply to every woman.
Also, remember that men do this to women too. Barney Stinson's hot vs. crazy scale is one such example.
theartofcharm.com/.../...how-i-met-your-mother.jpg
I thought so until this pretty decent looking guy wouldn't leave my friend alone at a party. He kept trying to drag her to the floor and dance even though she said she doesn't dance. I think he was on something because his pupils remained huge all night.
The guy's girlfriend showed up and I tried to tell her he wouldn't leave my friend alone but she was a creep too. That evening some weird guy with a girlfriend tried to get at me too and kept making fun of my autistic friend because he thought he was my boyfriend. This guy wasn't really ugly either but both of their behavior was creepy for sure:/
The creepy girl was pretty attractive for a creepy girl.
Yeah it all comes down to attraction. But that doesn't mean an atrractive dude can't be crewpy, as you said there's a higher limit.
I, myself find it creepy to be approached by old dudes no matter how gentlemanly they are, obviously the girls who are attracted to older dudes don't mind.
There's still a limit, but it's higher for hotstuff.
I was surprised myself when I figured this one out too.
I presume this works both ways for the sexes though, i. e. a man will let a hot woman get away with a lot more than he would an average looking one.
Or should I say for lack of a better phrase, below average looking woman.
This is such an interesting question. There’s a limit but it is much higher for hotstuff.
I think this is of course a result of my attraction to them, but also they seem to have more confidence and will usually approach me as opposed to a “creepy” guy who just stares or something.
Well if a attractive woman were to approach you and say she wants to blow you. You would be down but if an unattractive woman came up to you and said that you wouldn’t be so thrilled. Yes looks play a big role but creepy is creepy regardless of looks most women know how to stop creeps
I don't know about that... I find aggressive flirting from any guy, attractive or not, to be a massive turn off.
Not neccessarily aggressive, sexual suggestive with a good dose of charming and genuine feeling for such a beautiful girl in a dress 😘
Like we say, she likes sex alright, just not with you.
The like attention unless they're not attracted, then he's a creep, or he's 'creepy'.
This term is used by young women and old alike - anything they're not sexually attracted to is 'creepy'. It's very adolescent.
Just look at the girl's replies... they're all about the 'creepy'. LOL
False. No matter the guy’s looks, I’ve always acted weirded out when approached by a guy. I don’t even mean to be rude, it’s just a reflex... Almost like, the fact that they’re confident enough to just go up to a complete stranger means they’re not genuinely good people.
So, I should approach women?
*shouldnt
Do whatever works for you, as I don’t know about other girls. I would say that it’s better to somehow make the meeting seem accidental... even if that can be hard to do.
@anon, are you from Seattle by chance?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seattle_Freeze
Why should approaching determine if someone is good or not? What matters is if they're respectful when approaching. All friends, partners, etc start off as strangers at one point.
There’s still a limit but it’s higher for hotstuff.
I wonder where you got the idea for this question lol. 😋
🙄🙄🙄🤫 I donoooo.
I have to admit the poll option let’s them express themselves truthfully lol.
Umm true.
Actually on top of looks I think status should be included too. If you're really popular or have a lot of money girls will be ok with it.
I've seen it in real life and in the media so... yup its true.
I think it's all the level of confidence the guy has I the approach. While I would agree with the statement made, I think a hot guy can be just as creepy as a not so hot guy
No.
I admit that the creepiest guy I know (so creepy I feel unsafe being around him and so completely cut contact) is attractive. Which doesn't change how uncomfortable he makes me feel.
As an ugly guy I definitely think that women find me creepy if I try to interact with them at all. Other guys can get away with all sorts of dehumanizing bullshit.
It is true a bit. But I think it's more because generally you get less creeped out by the people you're interested in. And people are more interested by good looking people.
It's the mannerisms that make a guy creepy, not the looks.
Generally anybody who acted creepy regardless of looks is going to be creepy
Its how men approach a girl, not the approaching itself that creeps us out
Women should try approaching guys they like
Not my thing@Uhhjsshshdh
He's creepy if he's creepy. Doesn't matter how attractive someone is, if they're creepy, they're creepy.
Girls will deny it, but i have found it to be true more often in my own experience
The shit is always creepy. But women may be willing to put up with it from a guy she sees as having more in his "win column". Its' still creepy and wrong, and men should have the morals not to do some of it.
Nah. Creepy is creepy to me. I've met good looking creeps.
Any guys can be creapy but more younger guys that do.
No, no, I don't agree... creepers come in all shapes and sizes...
Good looking guys can be creepy too
Thing is with unattractive ones, it s more annoying than creepy
It's almost always true. Although if a really hot guy tries too much it reads "player" and that is just as bad as creep in my book.
FALSE, if any guy tries to grope me I’m gonna fist his mouth and break a few teeth
true for the most part but people have different standards of creepy
So, I shouldn't try to flirt with girls or approach them because, Im ugly?
its deff true to a extent, the halo effect is very real.
Depends on how well you know him...
Not true. Creepy is creepy.
The limit is certainly higher for hot stuff.
He could be really handsome, but be a devil!!
Good looking people can still be creepy AF
If it comes to popular culture thats true.
It's obviously true
It's 100% true.
Mostly true
True
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