Why do average looking girls have high standards?

[_Gerald_]

Why do average (or even below average) girls think they deserve a hot looking guy with a superb personality? Guys know if a girl is in their league or not, but girls don't seem to have the same intuition.

I don't understand. If you're not a hot girl, how do you have the balls to be so selective? The way I see it is I'm a student at a decent college, I'm 5"11 at 150 pounds. I have okay smarts and I'm not fat. Why aren't I guaranteed at least a fat or ugly girl?

[LilyBee]

This would make sense on the premise that everyone views attractiveness and "averageness" the same way, but they don't so ultimately its a futile question, but its different so I'll give you that. :)

Idk. I'm told I have a very pretty face, and I think I do as well, but I'm a fat chick and I'm black so I have super curly-kinky afro type hair. I never wear makeup, but it looks fun so I'm trying to get into that, maybe. Idk, overall I guess I'm average (or below average, however you see it lol) but people tend to stare at me a lot, which you know, is awkward sometimes. lol Could be my hair, my face, or my weight but I can't really be sure what turns every individual head. ha ha Anyway, why do I think I deserve a hot looking guy with a superb personality? lol hmm Well, I don't think I "deserve" anything. That's somewhat irrational if you consider that you are thinking within the conditions of what society and media have taught you about beauty, relationships, etc. but I digress. Like everyone, I don't deserve any specific type of guy or girl (im bi). I simply know what I want, and that's what I'll go for if I'm comfortable with it. It's pretty simple. I have pretty much avoided relationships all together because I'm not comfortable with my body, but I've had several hot guys hit on me, flirt with me, etc. Honestly, I haven't had too many so called "ugly" guys try to get with me. Well, it has happened and of course I pushed them away or tried to nicely convey that I'm not interested. This is why I'm trying to get in shape, because even though good looking guys ask me out, there have obviously been times when someone I like doesn't return the same kind of feelings or just flirts with me but won't try to take it further. I think weight has a lot to do with it.

Anyway my basic thing is I want the guy who I date to be attracted to me, but most importantly I want to think of myself as physically attractive and I don't at this point.

I'm getting rant-ish here. I hope you see my point. You don't know what someone's reasons for rejecting you are. Personally, I have body issues. I've had a hot guy tell me I have a sexy body to my face. I thought he was crazy. My mind honestly isn't trapped in this "leagues" nonsense. If I'm around someone I'm going to be myself and if they like it they'll like me and vice versa. If it's an unrequited thing on either end, cool, I'll just move on. it's really not that serious in the grand scheme of life to make me feel like I need to go after guys I don't want just because of some rule about them "being in my league." I don't think the fact that I'm not hot means I have to desperately accept any random guy. That's a set up for failure and misery.

No one should settle for something completely off the charts of what they want, within reason. you should see people as more than just looks (which is why I don't believe in leagues) but you shouldn't just date someone just because. what the hell is the point in that? lol

[_Gerald_]

Well, don't you feel horny? I mean if you go after the hot guys then you'll probably be single for a long time. Why don't you settle to reduce loneliness?

[LilyBee]

i don't "go after" anyone. at least not yet. I've had guys ask me out. plus I'm bisexual so I guess I have more options but no not really. I've flirted with guys before and got a positive response and if I was comfortable with myself I would ask the guys that I want out on dates. very simple. and I doubt id be single for a long time if I wanted to be in a relationship. I don't really feel lonely at all though I don't know lol I'm sorry that you're being rejected or whatever though. :/

[Anonymous]

I definitely feel the sense that guys are out of my league but I don't get to decide how someone else feels or what they think. Isn't it up to the guy is he likes me/finds me attractive or not? Its not really up to me? If I like someone I try to get to know them better, as myself and if they don't reciprocate that's disappointing sometimes heart-breaking, but if they do its wonderful. I realize its hard to be objective about ourselves I think I am a 5 on the look scale but it depends who you ask what I am, since beauty is quite subjective and personality really plays into it. If I sent you a picture for example and you rated it, it would just be on looks since we are strangers but if you knew me that score might go up or down depending on your impressions. I think its sort of silly the concept of league, I admit we are programmed to act within that hierarchy but I feel if you like someone its worth the risk and we're all just human, we all have the same insecurities and hang ups etc. In my case I am not so much interested in *hot* if they aren't pleasant too. I spent 2 years in a relationship with the most popular best-looking guy in school, I was like 1/2 his scale rating we had some great times and some very bad ones, but he was my first love. He was *hot* and that probably superficially sucked me in but he was funny as hell and an amazing listener, no one has ever cared so much about what I have to say. I have also dated people within my perceived range. I don't really want to say anyone is below my range that's horrible but I have liked guys who my friends were utterly stumped by. What difference does it make when I am 90 I doubt I will look over at the man I spent my life with and think hmmm your a 3 I am a 5 I should've aimed higher, I want someone I enjoy to spend my life with not just a pretty face because looks will fade.

[learningthegame16]

I think part of it is because of the media.

It seems (according to the media) that the only way for a girl to be hot & beautiful guys is to follow this recipe; 1) cake on the makeup 2) let your ass and boobs hang out & 3) get a tan.

So when a girl follows this they think they are instantly hot and can have any guy they want because every guy wants them, (I'm generalizing here). So they go for the best pick out of the guys (because hey in their deluded self-confidence, don't they deserve the best?).

They disregard the other aspects of beauty such as bone structure, fitness, etc for themselves but rely heavily on it when picking a mate.

I'm describing a specific type of girl here. Shy girls and girls that are grounded are not this deluded.

This is my two cents on it, I could be wrong but I'm not one of these girls so these are my observations from afar :)

[_Gerald_]

This makes sense. No amount of make-up can turn an average girl into a Jennifer Anniston.

[learningthegame16]

haha, I know that but they don't.

[Nachomomma]

It's called not being a slut. You need to get your head out of the clouds and wake up; NOBODY is ever guaranteed sex. If you keep thinking that you deserve a girl, even an ugly one, you'll never likely find any girl willing to stay within a mile of you. No lady deserves being with a guy who believes he was owed her, not that he earned her love, that right there is a sad and empty relationship.

You can't really say that the girls are being selective. Not only does the definition of beauty change from person to person, but there are more guys who are ugly in personality and/or appearance who believe they simply deserve to be screwed by every "hot" woman, only to get frustrated when reminded that no, they aren't owed anything.

If you really want a girl, loose the attitude that you deserve one. Then open your eyes a little wider and realize most girls aren't usually going for looks so much as humor, wit, and compassion, and that your view of them having 'higher standards' is being skewed just because you consider yourself to be some sort of prize, and not the actual incredibly low standard you're really being right now.

[Anonymous]

Girls are emotional not rational. Well, until late twenties that is. Then it hits them that they don't have all the time in the world and that prince charming isn't coming.

[gentlemanattbay]

Do ya think?

The culture of entitlement has done a very bad job of warping a lot of young girls minds.

[Twincapersred]

girls are constantly build up by their friends and family, which in a lot of ways is better than them feeling sorry for themselves and being depressed, but it means their egos are huge when maybe they should be more down to earth.

however in the same way- everyone wants the best- why should you feel like you settling.

you shouldn't be guaranteed anything, you need to get off your ass a get a girl.

there are plenty of beautiful women out there who aren't dating anyone because guys are too afraid to talk them.

[kiss_me_Kate]

The phrasing of the question especialy towards the end sounds shallow as hell.

You precieve yourself and them externally.

Even if you had a beautifull girl with a personality of a saint initialy interested in you, you would likely ruin it due to your outlook on "deserving".

I'm not going to lie, there is a scale of physical attractiveness and most people with unconciouslly date within their range or pick partners closer to their range. Everyone knows their possition on this scale subconciously, it's been proven through sociological and psychological group research.

HOWEVER.

Entitlement- is bs. You can only have high standards (boys and girls alike) when you find your faults, work through them, better yourself from the inside out and humble yourself. You would be suprised how high that can get you to "score" with the opposite sex. But when you reach that point, you want more then a pretty face and see real beauty and compatibility.

So, don't be like those girls.

[jesshkah]

LOL because a lot of girls are brought up with the "YOU KNOW YOU DESERVE BETTER" mindset, and whenever we go through a breakup our girlfriends tell us that we deserve a better guy and he wasn't great looking anyways. I feel like most people think they deserve more than they actually do anyways. not just in terms of relationships.. if you're not a hot girl and yet you still have the chance to be selective, that's where the power is. also because even fat and ugly girls have guys who appreciate them and not just see them as a fall-back or a guarantee

[Anonymous]

it may be your attitude of entitlement that makes these girls not want you. seriously, I see average/ugly girls dating guys who are equal or below them on the attraction scale so they aren't picky about looks. but if you have the attitude like they should want you because they can't do better so they might as well be with you, its gonna be a turn off. average girls may not be selecting YOU but that doesn't mean they overlook every average or ugly guy out there. it's just you

[Anonymous]

It's not ''intuition'' it's called idiotism, and you're right, most girls don't have it.