How to get past surface conversation?

[Anonymous]

I have a hard time getting past surface conversation, and flirting with a woman the correct way. The biggest thing is I have no idea of where to start, or even doing it without coming off as awkward. Secondly, I tend to be oblivious to whether a woman really likes me, vs just wanting to be friends. I just tend to think that most women are being friendly, and so I don't make a move. This on top of my inability to really direct the conversation and steer things to a deeper conversation. Even with my lack of "Game," I try to make things happen, but the harder I try the more I seem to fail. I need some serious help.

[SamFromFL]

Something I learned is to stop being a reporter and start being a story teller. The instinct as guys is for us to ask 100 questions because we are curious and hear that women like to talk about themselves. But that puts pressure on them to carry the conversation and they can’t connect with us emotionally.


So instead pick a topic you are passionate about and be a story teller. It can be funny, emotional, philosophical… the idea is you are taking a risk by sharing your opinion or past with her. She can listen and decide what she connects with in your story and reply. Getting past the surface in most conversations is all about finding common connections in others. So boldly tell some stories and see how she responds.

[MedAsianGirl]

I'm a girl not feeling comfortable enough to get past surface conversation with a guy who seems to want to be serious with me. I'm skeptical because:

1. He keeps avoiding some of my certain important questions and topics. That tells me he is hiding things from me. I won't feel safe around him if he keeps avoiding.

2. He doesn't share much about himself. I've been telling a lot of my own personal stories but he barely does the same.

3. He says on his dating app profile that he is looking for hookups (and new friends). I didn't say I want hookups on my profile. I go back to the dating app sometimes and I keep seeing "hookup" on his profile. So I'm not sure if he just wants to hook up with me or actually wants a relationship, which is what I want with him.

Maybe that girl has other reasons but she can have some of my reasons above.

[kyleelyn199723]

Sounds like you are an introvert to me. I think you need to stop focusing on yourself and focus more on the women that entertain your small talk. I am an introvert myself and I definitely can’t help the way I pursue people, but I definitely get along better with the people that entertain my small talk and turn it into something deep.

[kaylealealea]

talk about your favourite thing, or ask questions about her family and friends and hobbies

[moviedude714]

Interactions make or break everything