For people who think verbal consent is “sexy”, is asking someone if they can make out with you genuinely attractive or cringe?

Question

consent is great, but to me it’s great to redirect someone or showing non-verbal signs. but peronally, if a guy i’m dating was in a romantic setting with me, and it’s obvious we both want to kiss eachother, him asking me “should we make out” completely ruins the mood and feels ‘transactional’ and unromantic.

romance, for me, is supposed to be in the moment, obvious attraction and signs. if anyone is uncomfortable (which would we odd regarding id expect someone to go in for a kiss when it looks obvious the other wants to), they should back away or stop it.

what do you think? would you want someone to ask, if the attraction is obvious?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It can easily be put in flirting or dirty talk. When you're already in relationship there's usually already rules set up and asking straight up for consent isn't as necessary (unless ur trying something new ofc) but it can still be sexy.

Like I know what situations my husband isn't okay with making out, and I know his cues to not do it or stop in situations where otherwise we're both into it. We don't call them "safewords" or "signals" or anything, but that's technically what they are. Doesn't mean I don't be a little flirty and ask him anyway to help the mood, or that I don't like it when he does either.

U start with explicit shit, then u set up/learn the rules, then u can just follow the rules and explicit consent is only needed if something changes or makes the situation not clearly consensual again.

Like if ur making out and they get distracted by something u would pause to make sure it's not something serious that rlly threw them off or makes them not be able to talk, like getting an important phone call. Not saying u can't get sexy during an important phone call, but that's a big enough change from regular making out that consent doesn't "carry over" u gotta take a second and get back on the same page—especially if one or both of u now have ur attention divided.

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

A guy can do it so romantically, though. It adds great tension, if done right. It's part of sexual communication, and it doesn't ruin the moment at all.

But I wouldn't expect much from a high school kid, he's just learning how to control his hormones. :)

RingOfFire · Accepted Answer

These problems have their roots in the late 1960s, 1970s with the "Women's Liberation Movement" which later became known as "feminism." (Which did everything BUT liberate women.)

That's when it started becoming popular to celebrate a fantasy view of gender, nature, and reality. Romance was replaced by this lunatic notion that there is no difference between men and women and biology doesn't exist.

By the time it got into the mid to late '80s and '90s you had to start bringing a lawyer with you when you went on a date to make sure you were triggering some crazy female who was indoctrinated with a head full of that feminism garbage.

And now -- as is evident from your question which never would have even been asked back when society was sane -- we have entire generations of people who are so confused about such a natural function that they can no longer enjoy a simple natural relationship without being pummeled by this woke claptrap about gender, "sexism" and "toxic masculinity."

I'm afraid to say it's going to be up to your generation to return America to sanity. In other words, to make America great again.

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

I've never asked for verbal or written consent. I've used physical and verbal cues. If I move in for a kiss, and she turns her head, she obviously doesn't want to be kissed, nor anything more. If we are kissing and my hands start to roam, her taking my hand and pushing it away is "hint" that she doesn't want more; if she moves my hand to a "nice" place, I know she's looking for more. And sometimes, she might just say. Let's not go any further." All of those "clues" are fine with me, and I never push it.

ShellyB · Answer

I don’t really like it tbh, I think it has good intentions, but to me it is more likely to kill the vibe than to make it better. I don’t like being put on the spot, I can let him know if it’s unwelcome without having to basically ask for it. JMO and I know people have different opinions.

Summeroflove · Answer

Well nobody is a mind reader and last thing a person wants to do is make the wrong assumption and some dude you’re not even halfway attracted to starts kissing you. Yucky!

But most of the time before I even consider kissing somebody. It’s not just a “spur of the moment” type of thing it’s someone I already have a deep connection with. So…. We would kinda have that agreement.

I’m not just kissing any snake in the dirt that will let me.

mandyfire98 · Answer

It's how it's done that matters. There's a way to ask without sounding like you're asking for legal permission lol.

Apple1996 · Answer

Yess consent is sexy and a huge turn on for me. I'm a bit shy and get weird about kissing or touching so it's best they ask first

HawkPerception · Answer

I'm ruining the mood every time. Asking for consent is the only way I'm doing things nowadays.

CalmUntilAbused · Answer

Well... If the world went back to being sane, I'd be all for being spontaneous (though I'd still wait until marriage, Commandments are Commandments).

As things stand now, though, I'm thinking of preparing a written form of consent for my potential partner to sign every single time. When all I need to have my life ruined is one false accusation, I want my alibi to be as solid as possible. It might even be necessary for the form to be signed in front of a lawyer.

Now, in my case, it's a bit over the top, since with my null popularity, I will never need such a form anyway, but if someone else borrowed my idea or if by some miraculous chance, I had an opportunity to use one myself... Sorry, not sorry. The women brought it on themselves. I'd love to be romantic, but since being romantic can be easily misinterpreted as being a rapist, there's no way I'm risking this much.

Darwin_n_chill · Answer

This whole people have to ask each other permission to do anything thing is ludicrous, it's just an excuse for people to not have to learn how to set their boundaries. All you have to be able to do is to say "No, I'm not comfortable," etc., in order to avoid the problem of someone doing something with you that you don't like. So basically, people are trying to change the rules of the entire process and make it super awkward simply because they can't learn how to set their damn boundaries. Ridiculous, grow up.

Keyboardkat · Answer

I remember being in a situation like that. I had brought the girl home from a date, and the timing and the need was obvious. So to play it "safe" I first leaned forward and kissed her nose. She said, "That was my nose," like I missed the target. So I corrected the mistake, and we were off! But I've kicked myself ever since, because I wasn't quick enough, when she said, "That was my nose," to say, "It WAS? And what is it now?" I'm sure it would have made her laugh, and she had an amazing laugh, which turned me into a lamp base! Then I would have kissed her and inhaled her!

Anonymous · Answer

I. Agree with you I mean you know just by the look in each other's eyes you know just by the energy that's flowing between you both and your wording it can't be paid you want to make out I mean it just LOL it can't be that way.

I can see taking her hand pulling her. Close against your body looking deep into her eyes and you know at that moment what's going to happen and you can either bring your lips right towards hers glide them across her cheek to her neck up to her ear and he could say I want to kiss you so bad not ask just say I want to kiss you so bad... Or even something like I'm going to kiss you so deep and just do it or not say any of the above I mean like I said you know it's going to happen right before it's going to happen and your eyes your body language everything is saying yes and just do it that's the best part about a kiss

Anonymous · Answer

You're excused to think this since you're only 16. But if you still think this way at 26 know that you did not mature. A man asking is RESPECTFUL. Sorry if that doesn't get your "romantic" juices flowing. But it's best you learn right now life is not a rom-com. 👍

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Verbal consent is good for things like can I hug you, hold your hand, kiss you etc. if there's anything further then enthusiasm is the consent. For example you kiss and continue kissing turning it into a make out, they don't pull away and are reciprocating enthusiastically. That is consent.

It would be a little odd if I was just asked if I wanted to makeout. Depends on how deep into the relationship it is.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Consent is actually really cute and sweet <3 I enjoy that they are actually taking the time to make sure I am okay with what they are doing.
Obviously once we have gone all the way I don't need it anymore but I would let them know that lol

DJB72 · Answer

Unfortunately, today's "culture" is a terrible thing where not even having consent written in triplicate, witnessed by the Pope himself and Three Wise Men (with gifts) from the East, isn't enough to be certain that in fifteen years the guy won't find himself in court facing harassment charges just for asking.

It's antisexy.

quickquesocheese · Answer

i had never been asked that before i meet the person i was dating until recently. okay, that made it seem like i was jumped or something, lol. No but you know, the first kiss, etc. But this latest year as i said where i have been dating someone i was asked about holding hands and i actually thought it was quite cute.

_piotr · Answer

Giving verbal\written\electronical (via special mobile app) consent is cringe and unromantic. It is wokeness. Normally, for thousands years, people felt whether the other side agrees or not. But nowadays feminist teach all men are evil rapists. And here we are. Soon you will need to a document from a notary office with stamps that you agree for your partner to kiss you.

msc545 · Answer

Women do not have to ask for consent since men do not accuse women of rape or sexual assault.

Women often do, and are virtuially always believed.

Men should are told ask for consent for everything although this will not really protect them from the accusations that women can make before, during, and after they act - if they even actually do.

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

Sure. Questions like, "can I kiss you?" yes, that will wake the butterflies in me. 🥰😂 I'd like consent on early stages of dating, and I also do the same.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

I've only ever really asked once. It was a party and me and a friend split a bed, we woke up cuddling then I slowly started kissing her neck and cheek then touching her and I asked her "is this okay are you okay" she nodded then we proceeded.

Unless it's some random circumstances like that I usually use verbal cues and will obviously pull back and immediately listen to any apprehension.

Breanna_nonbinary · Answer

I don’t know if you’ve ever misunderstood a sign, but I have. It’s embarrassing and awkward. It’s a blow to your ego and worst of all it’s sexual harassment. So asking is a must.

TheLovelyIntrovert · Answer

I would've seen my SO as weak if he asked before kissing me the first time. He knew I liked him romantically so it would hae ruined the moment. But then again I was never the type of woman to cereal date. Been with only 2 people in my life.

Rachey1986 · Answer

It should definitely feel spontaneous. For me personally I don't mind just letting things grow naturally but if I say stop thats it. If its trying something a bit different we've never tried before then maybe chat about it.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

To be perfectly honest, I've had enough weird mind-fucky things happen with women that expressly asking for consent for something like kissing is almost always a good idea.

ZS007 · Answer

Its cute the first times but if the same guy wants my permission after I've already established in previous dates that its okay then it might start to become tiring.

WhitneySnow · Answer

That’s a really tough one. But some people may not feel comfortable reading their partner’s non verbal cues, so they might feel more comfortable asking

Account · Answer

There is a better way to say it. Even I who I am terrible when it comes to expressing stuff can express it better than that.

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

For me it'd be fine either way. It's however we wish to communicate that stuff, and what works best.

Huntingnfishin · Answer

It's a bit cringe in my opinion. But I guess I'm ole fashioned. When the moments right it's right, if you don't feel it in the moment then let the moment pass

ICanSmellTheCosmos · Answer

There is a way to ask that could be sexy, but most men aren't that charming. (Not that women are either.) Also, having to constantly ask for permission at each step can really kill the mood.

fonduegirl · Answer

Genuinely attractive. Unless I don't want to, of course

DrPepper12 · Answer

No. Spontaneous is best even if it's not explicit consent BUT only if the mutual attraction is there. It's a read the room situation

Jltakk · Answer

Never been in the situation, but I wouldn't be able to go the non verbal cue route, I have great difficulty registering non verbal cues

Marathonmama · Answer

Ummm yes if my husband ever asked me if he could kiss me gross lol be a man

9in_Serpent · Answer

I think its mostly cringe but it can be sexy if done right that adds to the mood and you are not asking permission for every single thing

Pohjolan · Answer

See? Men can't win this. Either we are harassing or ruining the mood.

SmileyLady · Answer

Cringe unless it’s a friend you’re hitting on.

Iron_Man · Answer

That’s just something that happens naturally

Juxtapose · Answer

The signs are so obvious you don't need to verbally ask.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

This why men are screwed 😂

Inthelines · Answer

Extramarital affairs should be forbidden

LiamJHayden · Answer

It is legally wise.

In_Trance · Answer

Are you sure you're 16?

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's cute and funny.

Walksbehindtherows · Answer

Disgusting

derick01 · Answer

Cringe

For people who think verbal consent is “sexy”, is asking someone if they can make out with you genuinely attractive or cringe?

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For people who think verbal consent is “sexy”, is asking someone if they can make out with you genuinely attractive or cringe?

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