I apparently misread this situation but I don’t understand how?

[Anonymous]

I downloaded an app called pure, which is basically an anonymous hook up app. Its entire purpose is sex. I matched with this girl, and we ended up sexting the first night. I had told her to always let me know if she is ever uncomfortable or if it goes too far and we’ll dial it back or stop. She wanted to talk on the phone and maybe play some video games online to get to know each other first before we met. And I agreed, we get on and things seem to be going well. We are flirting and having fun, and she wants to switch games but I had to download it first and it was going to take an hour.

She says I’m not like what she expected off of that app. While waiting for the download, we had been talking sexual history and she asks “so what do we do now?” and I said “we could pass the time like we did the other night” and we are flirting back and forth and I start talking like I did when we were sexting and she abruptly says “we are not on the same page” and hangs up. I text her and ask if everything is okay and that I’m sorry if I made her uncomfortable. She said I didn’t make her uncomfortable, and she asked about the download. We ended up playing the new game that night. No more sex talk. And we had fun and she goes “I like your vibe…. so what next? I think we should meet up” and I agreed and she fell asleep on the phone.

She texts me good morning the next day, and I respond but she doesn’t respond at all after that. Hours later I ask how she’s doing and she says she’s having a mental breakdown and is not doing well. I ask if she needs anything or just needs time alone. And she says she’s sad. I ask why, and she says my tier system doesn’t work. At the time I didn’t know what that meant. And I asked what my tier system was. And she didn’t answer and just said “I’m out”. And I was so confused at this point, and we had a series of exchanges that was very bizarre. And she went to sleep. And I just don’t know where I went wrong, I thought we were on the same page?

Updates

1 y

I guess my tier system is broken because I was on there to hook up but I also was trying to comfort her? I’m not sure…

[Anonymous]

You didn't do anything wrong. She is dealing with her mental problems. She isn't mentally stable but having a very bad mental health at present. It can be tiring for you dealing with her. So my suggestion would be you should move away from her. But if you want to stay then I must tell you it's not going to be easy for you and it would be long struggle? Are you presently at this level to invest your time and energy on another person. Can you really do now? Ask yourself then decide. Also you don't know how bad is her situation now. She could be at suicidal level and even after you trying to help her she may try to kill herself or may kill herself in real this can also be possibility so ask yourself can you get over it without getting affected.

I won't say that you should go away only. Because sometimes for some people they feel like maybe this could be the best person for them and they work over it and then later they make a good couple. But still dealing with a person with mental health issue is really really tough. I was once like that so I know I understand. So choice is yours.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, dude, that sounds like a really confusing and frustrating situation. From what you've described, it seems like you and this girl were on totally different pages about what you both wanted from this interaction.

On one hand, you matched on a hookup app, so it makes sense that you were trying to keep things sexy and flirty. But then she wanted to take things slower, get to know you a bit first, and have more of a connection beyond just the physical stuff.

When you started reverting back to the more overtly sexual vibe, it seems like that's where things went sideways for her. She felt like you weren't on the same wavelength anymore, even though you thought you were just picking up where you left off.

As for this "tier system" she mentioned - I'm not totally sure what she meant by that, but it sounds like she felt like you were putting her in some kind of category or hierarchy that didn't work for her. Maybe she felt like you were just using her for a hookup, even though you were trying to be comforting.

Honestly, dude, it's a pretty complex situation without a clear right or wrong. You both clearly wanted different things, and had different expectations about where this was headed. Mixing the physical and the emotional can get really messy, especially on an app like that.

My advice would be to just let this one go. It's not worth stressing too much about where you went wrong. Sometimes connections just don't click, and that's okay. Focus your energy on finding someone who's on the same page as you, with the same goals in mind. Live and learn, you know?

Better luck next time, man. Don't be too hard on yourself over this one.

[MannMitAntworten]

Never done a hookup app before, but I have had intimate liaisons. Your tryst was crossing into the caring side which clouds a strictly sexual ‘thing’. Don’t do that. Keep it strictly ‘fun zoned’.

[Anonymous]

She has mental health issues and that’s why she’s on the app. She’s desperately trying to interact with people in the hopes of feeling better or being distracted feom her feelings. That’s the reason all women are on such apps by the way - mental health issues. Every single one. There is not a aingle woman on those apps who’s doesn’t have any mental health issues.

[Opinion Owner]

And I’m talking specifically about sex apps.

[itsannalee]

Move on, never take people from social media serious. Social media are just for fun. Get over it

[OneViewpoint]

Where did you go wrong? You're chatting with someone with severe mental problems. Move on.