Girls, do you ever feel guilty rejecting a guy?

[dx021]

I was at Panera Bread fri before work getting my breakfast and a girl (customer, not employee) blatantly hit on me. It wasn't like the discreet "I like you" show I'm use to, but a *very* direct come-on that just came out of left field

She wasn't my type, so I rejected her. It made me feel like absolute sh*t, especially when (as I was driving off to work after) I thought about how much it takes for a girl to put herself out there.

Do you girls (Who obviously are the approached 95% of the time) ever reflect on the guys you reject like this? or do you just become jaded to it

[Anonymous]

Not guilty, but just uncomfortable to think that someone would feel the negative feelings you feel after being rejected, because of an encounter with me.There's no guilt, because I rarely say nasty things to guys I "reject."

I do appreciate how difficult it is to put yourself out there. I struggle with that myself, I think its really hard to do. It also sucks when I'm just chicken sh*t about things (I usually am when it comes to dating and relationships, I act like a 14 year old girl, its sad) and I know this person could be interesting to be with or a good match. But I just back out because I suck, I'm insecure. But you can't tell them that, but its like, don't feel bad, I have my own sh*t going on, nothing to do with you.

Its very uncomfortable though. Especially if its someone you see often. Its better if you never make contact again or not frequently. One guy at school did it at the end of the year, and the next time I saw him I waved hello and he gave me this "bitch, please" look lol Another time, I worked this sh*tty summer job and this guy always came over to have small chats with me. First of all, he waited until night to ask me out so I'd be alone -.- Then after I said no, I noticed he started coming by the place I worked through a different entrance...so he wouldn't have to see me. I didn't see him again for 2 weeks. After he came there everyday almost. I really didn't like knowing I made him feel that way. Or maybe he hated my guts, either way, not a good feeling.

[Lauren2410]

Yes ,I do feel guilty.I've rejected 4 guys in the last 2 years,but they simply weren't my type. I feel so bad and it remains stuck in my mind for a while,and I hope to never run into them again on the street. But for a girl is worse,like you said. And especially if the girl is shy or insecure,like I am. 2 years ago my crush rejected me and it simply destroyed my self-esteem,which is low even today.But the good part is I lost 19lbs after that. ^^ (I was kinda fat,still am chubby). We all feel bad when rejecting,but we can't just accept every guy/girl who likes us as bf/gf.

[kangaru]

see ger you are not ugly :)

[Lauren2410]

it's my opinion of myself,but thank you :)

[Nana_4]

Yes, I feel VERY badly. I know it takes guts to tel someone how you feel. I thought about lying, or giving someone a chance, even if I feel nothing, but that would be a huge mess. The truth always comes out.

[Nana_4]

Thanks for the BA!

[dx021]

for sure

[bloodmountain1990]

Honestly, I think it's best to be honest that you don't like a person that way but you still respect them because like you said if you gave them a chance and you had no feelings for them, it'd be only worse for them. Some people could get very depressed, suicidal, or even get revenge in extreme cases. If I'm not interested in someone, honesty is the best way because if you lead someone on, you won't know how they handle it. I understand rejecting someone is tough though.

[Nana_4]

Oh yeah, totally. I agree with you. It's hard to hurt others, but it's better than playing mind games and stringing someone along. I know how it feels to be played, so I def wouldn't want to have anyone experience the same thing.

[bloodmountain1990]

Agreed. This is sorta off topic, but it seems like some people that get heartbroken end up doing their share of heartbreaking to the next person which is very wrong and selfish to do. It's like they wanna get even with their ex, but the person who's heart they break is innocent and could have had genuine feelings. If you're gonna get revenge, do it the ones who actually did you wrong, not take it out on someone innocent.

[Nana_4]

No, that's on topic, it pertains to this whole rejection thing. Exactly! I feel like so many people do that, and it's just wrong. I usually care all too much about others feelings, so I would never be able to do such a thing. I mean, it's kind of the reason I haven't dated or had a boyfriend, which is pretty silly, but I don't think life's all about that stuff. People rush into relationships, marrying and all that too fast imo. I think we all should just stop and smell the flowers, live life, ya know?

[bloodmountain1990]

Wow wouldn't have guessed, you're very attractive. There's nothing wrong with that. I've had hookups and flings but no real relationships. Not that I'm some manwhore, but that's all I've been able to get. The one girl I thought I was gonna date just used me as a rebound. She had gotten out of an abusive relationship and seemed super into me but once I returned the feelings, she ditched me without an explanation and went to the ex she complained to me about. Is that being led on?

[Nana_4]

Haha aww, well thanks. That's really nice of you. (:

I don't see anything wrong with that, either. Ya gotta do what makes you happy Wow, really? I'm sorry; that probably didn't feel too good. Hopefully you're over her now. I definitely see that as as being led on. I had something similar happen. I hung out with a guy who showed interest in me first, we never even dated or were serious ya know. Just hung out once, then he just vanished. It's kind of why I'm a bit hesitant about relationships.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah also, don't you think it's weird that this girl also asked to go to my house on the first date, scoped out family photos when they werent out in the open, then asked about my brothers. She was willing to come back to my house, knowing my parents lived there but when I told her my parents would like to meet her, she's like that's kinda soon and then it went downhill from there. I mean usually don't do that, but her doing that already made it seem like she was comfortable with meeting family.

[Nana_4]

Haha wow, really? That is very strange! She sounds very unsure, flaky and iffy. It's good things ended the way they did if you think of it in that sense. I really don't get people haha.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yes, even the day after our first date, she talked about going places in the future, asked for a 2nd date and was like I wanna make out again. Can't say I've had a girl text me about making out. So I got this feeling that she was really into me when she initiated a lot of the stuff. I mean yeah I was better off most likely but it hurt because I felt like I did everything wrong but didn't know and that even when I find a woman I have a lot in common with, I still mess up one way or the other.

[bloodmountain1990]

I mean I'm not saying I shouldn't take responsibility for my own actions, but it's incredibly frustrating when a girl or even a male friend leaves you and you can't even think about what you did wrong and they won't even tell you. It leads to a lot of overanalyzing and even more frustration, but I guess it would have been worse had I dated this girl longer only for her to leave me then.

[Nana_4]

YES, EXACTLY. No one could have put it in better words! You think the Golden Rule would be used more often, but I guess people just treat others however they please. For though, things happen for a reason and it's a good things they did. Who knows how things would've turned out if you did date her? Could've been hurt far more bad.

[Nana_4]

*For sure though

Btw, you're a pretty cool guy! Not to mention, very understanding.

[bloodmountain1990]

Thanks. Another thing that's frustrating is when people lead you on and you make the most subtle move whether it's asking their number, asking to get lunch, etc and then they flip out, treat you like you're a psycho and never talk to you again. It's like if you're gonna lead someone on, don't be surprised if they actually end up liking you.

[Nana_4]

You're welcome!

Yes, exactly! People can be so hazy when it comes to that kind of stuff. I just don't get being led on, at least let someone know where you stand, even if a date goes wrong. It's rude to walk out with a goodbye.

Man, why can't more people be like us? Haha

[bloodmountain1990]

Takes different strokes to move the world I guess. Sad but true.

[bloodmountain1990]

About the rebounder though, one thing that pissed me off was how she told me I was sweet and then a few weeks after leaving me she complained why she couldn't find a sweet guy. Now I'm not one of those self-proclaimed nice guys who feels like I'm owed anything. If anything, I felt like I owed it to her because of all the interest she gave. I just thought of it as give and take. I feel no sympathy for her either. The thing is I would have been OK with just a casual relationship, but if that;s the

[bloodmountain1990]

thing where they want just a casual relationship, don't make it seem like you're wanting something serious. Like she said she wanted to take it slow, but did quite the opposite. As the old saying goes, actions speak louder than words.

[Nana_4]

Wow, I can see how that could be quite frustrating. I really don't get why people can't just be honest in the first place..she should have told you the beginning instead of seeming so interested.That probably messed with your head. Do you still speak with her?

[bloodmountain1990]

No, I don't speak with her but she's still friends with me on Facebook. I just figured if she wants to talk to me, she'll do it herself. I've done all I could. I sent a casual text a few days after she flaked on a day that she arranged to hang out, got no response. Waited a few days later and texted her asking why I haven't heard from her, still got none. I figured if I try to talk to her or message her on Facebook, she'll think I'm stalking her which I don't want.

[bloodmountain1990]

It's weird though because I thought she would delete me and cut me out of her life completely. Maybe she's afraid she'll hurt me by telling me the real reason she left, but I found it more frustrating that I got no explanation at all. I mean I'm sure it would have sucked no matter what the reason was, but it's better knowing why then trying to figure out everything yourself and worrying you'll make the same mistakes again when you're not sure what you did wrong. You know what I mean?

[Nana_4]

That's true. At least you don't keep on chasing her because that would be exhausting and frustrating with her giving no signs. I see so many people make that mistake. They chase the person, wasting so much time and emotional + physical energy. Then the person they are chasing usually doesn't even end up with them and they're shocked and even more saddened. It's like if you just did your own thing and let them come to you, you'd be less hurt.

I think it is very weird that she hasn't deleted

[Nana_4]

cont'd

deleted you yet. I can see that though, she probably is afraid of hurting you, but it is a lot more hurtful to be left hanging and confused than to be rejected. Rejection is easier to get over than always wondering in the back of your mind, where that person stands. I know exactly what you mean though. I have had something similar happen and it's hard, especially when you never even dated/were bf-gf, cause you're like 'what did I do wrong?'

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie I've made that mistake when I was in middle school where I kept on chasing after a girl that rejected me, hoping that she'd like me one day. Needless to say, that didn't work lol. It just made the girl more annoyed and hate me even more. To be fair, I wasn't aware of what I was doing. Anyways another thing that was frustrating was when I vented about being rebounded, some people thought I was being desperate and needy. I mean it wasn't like I showed a ton of interest and

[bloodmountain1990]

she was being unresponsive. It'd be a whole different story if that was the case. I mean I'm not trying to slag the female gender as a whole but it seems like there's a major double standard like if a girl complains about a guy doing her wrong, she's just venting and trying to reach out but if a guy does it and he did nothing wrong, he's told to man up and get over it otherwise he's being desperate and needy. Like I said because there were emotions involved and she initiated a lot of stuff

[bloodmountain1990]

like asking for my number, dates, etc, it made me feel like she was genuinely interested and I think the fact that I haven't had a real relationship yet and really wanted one made it even worse.

[Nana_4]

Well that's good that you learned from your middle school mistake haha. It's better sooner, than later. God, I know that double-standard. I see it a LOT on this site, these "macho" guys will tell a guy to "get over it" or "man-up" and it's so fkin annoying. Fk, guys are humans too, they have the same feelings females have. Of course that would be tough, and hard to get over when the person is the one who initiated things. I had something just like that happen this summer and it is why

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah I think that explains why men are most likely to commit suicide. Not that I've ever been suicidal by any means, but if a man isn't supposed to get help with his depression for whatever the cause or vent it out to his friends and close ones then depending on the individual, he might have a very hard time dealing with it himself. About the girl though, technically I initiated it by messaging her first on the dating site, but she initiated the rest. Didn't expect to her come on that strong.

[Nana_4]

I totally agree. It's sad. I hate that whole macho thing. Kurt Cobain was all against that. He said he never really got along with guys cause of how macho and rock-like they were. I love that man haha. Well, I hope that isn't your case, cause if you need to vent it out, I'm.here to talk. I enjoy listening to people, and people usually do vent to me, so I'm used to it.

Anyways, that still is ride. If someone is pretending to be interested, then just leaves without an explanation, it's fk'd up.

[bloodmountain1990]

A little off topic, but speaking about Kurt Cobain. Did he really kill himself or did Courtney Love kill him and make it look like a suicide? I know that debate has been up in the air for awhile.

Yeah, well I know the girl was obviously physically attracted to me at least, but yeah the whole emotional aspect was fake or maybe she did have emotional feelings in the beginning but then eventually lost em.

[Nana_4]

The age old controversial debate haha. I mean, he was very suicidal if you read his published journals and lyrics you can see that. When he was younger he always talked about it and tried.it a few times before he did it, but after he had Frances (his baby), he seemed happier. Kurt was thinking of divorcing Courtney in an interview just before he died. A guy even said Courtney paid him to kill Kurt, but he declined and supposedly he knows the guy that did it. So, I mean, who knows? It's hard to

[Nana_4]

Tell because I wouldn't see why he'd do it since he thought the world of his daughter and said he'd never leave her side because of how hard it was when his parents split, but then again when you're depressed, you don't think thoroughly. The crime scene seemed very fishy, so who knows.

Yeah I mean she obviously was if she continued to talk to you.she could have lost feelings, had a past lover come back in her life, who knows? There's so many reasons, it's just not fair of her to leave like that.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah I guess it's one of those things we'll never know. You ever see the documentary Kurt and Courtney?

Yeah I don't know the real reason she left. A few people thought it was because I brought up the parents thing too soon despite that she asked to go to my house on the first date and looked at family photos. I mean I don't have much experience with women, but she's the only girl that's done it that soon so she shouldn't talk. I mean what's the big deal about meeting parents anyways, they're just

[bloodmountain1990]

people like you and me. I mean my parents knew she wasn't my girlfriend and just someone I was seeing at the time, but her doing that and my parents asking me to bring her over on the 2nd date gave me that vibe. I really didn't think much of it and she probably thought I was trying to rush her into some relationship, when actually I thought she was trying to do that with me. It's like her moving a little fast caused me to move fast if that makes sense? Who knows the real reason though.

[Anonymous]

I've rejected tons of girls I wasn't into on dating sites and a few in real life and I don't feel guilty about it at all and I don't think girls should feel guilty about it either. Rejection itself isn't the issue. It's how it's done. If a girl says, sorry I'm not interested but if you politely ask a girl out and they're like ewww, get away from me you pyscho when you did nothing to warrant that, then I'd say they feel guilty. I mean I've had some very unattractive girls message me on dating sites, but I'm not going to attack them for being interested when I'm not.

I mean I don't have the most luck with women, but I'm not just gonna settle just because a female is interested. That'd be unfair to the girl.

The only times I've been hurt or depressed is when a girl I like leads me on only to find out they were just using me or messing with my head. That's worse to do because you're messing with someone's emotions. If you're rejected off the bat, then you go onto another one.

[jamesma87]

A friend of mine who's a girl just started online dating, she gets a ton of messages and said she feels bad not replying to all of them

[GoGoDancer]

What a cam whore lol. Yeah that's what pisses me off is that girls can get tons of messages a day on a dating site, while guys only get a few.

[jamesma87]

lol there's no cams man it's just a profile :P

Well it's just supply and demand. A hot girl puts up a picture, she gets 30 messages an hour so there's no need to scout out guys. Even an average looking girl will get a lot of messages

[GoGoDancer]

I know and that what pisses me off. In fact I asked a question the other day about doing an experiment about good looking vs me in other words, I'm gonna sign up to a dating site using my real pic vs a good looking guy and see what happens.

[Ponsuke]

When I go out in the city and I wear something eye catching, like a dress with a low cut, or it's short, sometimes I get approached 3 times in 20 minutes. Some days I've been approached to the value of double digits, and I ALWAYS feel guilty. All my friends think that I must feel triumphant all the time because of all the reassurance but in reality, it upsets me that I've probably made them feel bad about themselves.

HOWEVER, if a guy is acting like D*CK about it, really pushing me, or acting like he's "entitled" to me, or even calling me a "bitch", just because I dared to not be attracted to him, then f*** it, I'll say it like it is. Tell him "sorry, I'm not interested. But know that it's only because you're a complete loser"

[Anonymous]

as a teen yes, but now I'm better at it. I used to be overally nice to guys and lead them on then be cold to reject them. now I'm better at communicating and don't need to please others but am still flattered if they like me and try to let them down easily.

[Opinion Owner]

but then sometimes I feel guilty like I made the wrong choice and I start to like him afterwards... but either lost contact or am too embarrassed to talk to him again...:/

[dx021]

ya I hear you. I guess the best things develop over time. its funny because as you get older as a guy, its pretty easy to spot which girl wants you to talk to her, so rejections are few

[lumos]

I don't feel guilty, I just feel a bit sad and a little uncomfortable. It really isn't easy to reject someone. I know I can't help the fact that I don't like him back, so I never guilt-trip myself. I just feel sad because I know it's difficult to approach people and ask them out, and that rejection generally does hurt your ego quite a bit. I just try to be as nice and upfront (meaning no wishy-washy answers) as possible.

[Anonymous]

yah I hate doing it I try to be as nice as possible. I just always say your very sweet but I have a boyfriend. (which I do) I don't just blanetly reject someone unless they come up and act like an idiot. I understand it takes a lot to aproach someone so I wan to be respectful and aknoledge the sweetness still make it clear I have a boyfriend.

[GoGoDancer]

I can picture it now a ugly guy comes up to u. UG=Ugly Guy GLD=Good Looking guy

UG Wanna go out?

U Hell no get a way from me you creep

UG oh OK sorry I asked goes hangs himself

Good Looking guy Wanna go out?

You yes I would love too

LOL.

[Opinion Owner]

NOPE ,not at all.

[GoGoDancer]

So your saying there's a chance?

[Opinion Owner]

of what?

[GoGoDancer]

There's a chance you like the opposite of what I wrote ha ha ha.

[RedSmartie]

It depends on his approach. If he approaches disrespectfully or vulgarly, I don't give a damn about his wounded ego. But if it's obviously very hard for him to do, then I'll feel bad for rejecting him. But I'll mostly feel uncomfortable no matter what kind of guy asks me out.

[ColdFeet]

Yes you feel bad every time but you have no choice really. It's probably one of the only times I'll freely lie in order to say "I have a boyfriend". I try to get the impression across that I think he's a real catch and it would be a definite yes otherwise.

[Nana_4]

I just am afraid of getting in a relationship. I don't want to be played, and I don't like people messing with my head/feelings. Fk man, I am so glad I can say I have never lead anyone on. It's an a**hole move.

[gialuan]

I feel bad if he's a nice guy who genuinely likes me. If he's some a**hole who's been throwing innuendos and just being a jerk, then no, I don't feel bad.

[Kelly34]

They love attention from men. Whether they want to have sex with the particular guy or not is irrelevant. So no, they wouldn't feel guilty.

[Brookeelise]

no I don't because it would be wrong to lead someone on

[bloodmountain1990]

Thank you!

[GoGoDancer]

I would say no because they want that perfect guy why do you think they reject the average and slightly below average looking guys? I'm always getting rejected because I don't have that perfect body or face.

[AD5866]

So you expect a girl to want to be with you even if she doesn't find you attractive? What's wrong with wanting someone you're attracted to?

[GoGoDancer]

Nothing is wrong with being with someone you find attractive I'm not attracted. Hence why I said they (women) only seem to want the good looking perfected guys over me. I can have all the confidence in the world but I would still get turned down because I don't look like ChanningTatum. I hear and read one thing women want and they turn around to date the opposite they want.

[jenni_ms]

I don't feel bad because I don't ever do it in a rude or hurtful way

[misunderstood_1]

I do feel bad most of the time. Especially if we were just friends before he said he liked me.

[bloodmountain1990]

I think girls and guys should only feel guilty if they lead someone on.

[bloodmountain1990]

If a girl rejects me then it's like OK, good to know from the start that I had no shot anyway but I tried, onto the next one. If they lead me on and I like them, they waste my time and theirs and then they toy with my emotions and it makes me skeptical on if a girl really likes me or not.

[Anonymous]

Yes! I hate how some guys think girls get some sort of sick pleasure out of rejecting guys. We actually feel pretty bad about it and its pretty awkward and uncomfortable for us.

[GoGoDancer]

I doubt girls would have a sick pleasure rejecting a good looking guy oh wait they don't get rejected. I wouldn't know I've never been approached but have been rejected more times then I can count.

[Opinion Owner]

Girls don't get rejected? HA! I can assure you I've been rejected multiple times before.

[GoGoDancer]

I wouldn't know I never had a girl ask me out before so, I have no clue if they get rejected? But I can imagine its a very very small percentage over the guys?

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah that actually might be true. Some girls just sit around and wait to get approached, but others don't. Guys are usually the main approachers.

[GoGoDancer]

That was my point lol.

[whiteknight01]

I've rejected several girls for not being my type. I felt bad about it for a while but started thinking about other things.

[Anonymous]

I don't feel bad. I only felt bad once because I actually liked the guy and still do. Well it's too late now :(

[Anonymous]

No I don't. Because there's always other guys that approach me.

[washize]

No.

[kangaru]

No I don't ..

[kangaru]

because I don't want to lead the person on