1. Go for a beach walk and find cockles.
2. Clean over night in fresh saltwater until they spit out all the sand.
3. Meanwhile make oatcakes. Add water to oatflour to make a dough and roll very thin, cook on a bakestone.
4 boil the cockles a few minutes and discard shells. Note how that bucket full is now just a soup bowls worth.
5. Make scrambled eggs and toss in some cockles.
6. Arrange artistically upon the oatcake.
7. Slap anyone who calls it a prehistoric cockle taco.
8. Realise half way through eating you should have put two oatcakes on the plate, fetch another.
9. Have an epiphany one oatcake=2 bowls of porridge and you've just eaten more than Goldilocks.
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