My girlfriend left me for a loser. Why?

[Anonymous]

I was dating girl back home over the summer. Even though it really wasn't that long, it seemed like it because we spent every day together. The only problem is she still has a year of high school and I was starting my second year of college 8 hours away. Nevertheless we were very attached so we decided to continue our relationship with plans to visit one another every other week. However the second week away she simply said that things weren't working out and she couldn't do it right now. I figured that she was worried about the distance so I decided to be her friend and help her work through it which is what she wanted because I really care about her and I want us to be together. Anyway I've spent a month waiting for her to "figure things out" and I find out last night that she's been seriously talking to another guy for a while. Not someone even remotely cool, but a high school dropout with no job and nothing going for him. One thing she said is that she would never date a small town loser and this guy is the quintessential small town loser. Is she just that fake and desperate? Or is she really just a skank who wanted me as a summer hookup buddy and now that I'm not there all the time she's moved on to the easiest thing she can get. I'm just baffled and heartbroken at the same time. What should I think?

[bobair]

You're learning the hard lessons of "attraction" and "rapport."

Attraction is about tension, danger, romance, mystery and seduction. You were none of these things.

Instead you were trying to build "rapport" which is about being friends, sharing, story telling, and connecting. This only works when you are already IN a relationship... not living 8 hours away from each other.

She doesn't go home to sit in a hot bath of soapy water thinking about all the "nice" things you did for her (she knows you like her so she has no reason to think about you)... she thinks about that boy she 't isn't sure about... that guy who's mysterious and dangerous.

While I applaud your efforts to be her friend in an effort to help her out, your mistake was thinking this would "get you the girl." Your second mistake is getting upset at her ("is she fake and desperate?")

You can't blame her for wanting to be with a guy who's local, interesting, and fun. Why would she waste her time thinking about you when you live 8 hours away?

And why are you wasting your time even caring about this girl when she's not in your life anymore? Do you think she's going online to figure out why things didn't work out with you two? No. She's out having drinks with new guys.

Nothing makes an old girlfriend easier to forget than a new girl who's worth getting to know.

Get out there and meet some new women, and learn from this past mistake. I'd also recommend you get rid of this anger, and learn to appreciate how awesome your summer was with her. Life is temporary, and wasting time thinking about the past is a great way to miss the future.

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

[Anonymous]

She is genuine. She liked you, but she didn't like you enough to change your or her life for you two to be together so she moved on.

Women do this, its sad from a male perspective and many women seem to deny it, but they are basicly looking to be with "someone suitable" soon (probably because of the biological imperitive to have childen). Though, with each new person they tell themselves that the current person is unique and somehow made for them (until they either hit a big enough snag to damage the illusion or they meet someone nicer.. then they start again).

If you two had lived closer together, you might well have been the guy for her. Though, since she choose someone over you it migth well have been a difficult relationship.

[Anonymous]

I think she is 'young' and curious, while you seem more serious and in love than she is, especially since you guys are in two different 'levels' or maturity. She is still in high school and exploring while you seem to want a long distance relationship, etc.

I was in a somewhat (not really) similar situation with the distance. My boyfriend let me go finally because he will be leaving to the army. Now I think he is dating other women whom he claimed to not like... well I cannot do anything about it anymore. I am completely ignoring him if he ever comes back. What he did hurt. We were in two different stages of our lives. I wanted more and he is going away and sees no point in a long distance relationship, while I believe anything can work out if you love the person.

So for your ex to leave you for this loser, I think you should forget about her. She will realize she made a mistake (well if she thinks she did) by losing someone who loves her and has a good standing for his future. People do take people for granted sometimes. And it is possible she cannot take the distance and this dude is just around the corner to help her needs. Just realize if someone does truly love you and want to work out the relationship, they wouldn't drop you like a fly, especially if the person got along well and is a good provider. She would have waited on you and be committed to you. Same goes for my situation. If she comes back, there might be a chance she has a good head but right now she is focused on this guy. She is not worth it right now.

[cheergirl88]

honestly, its hard answering this because no one knows her or you personally. but a typical girl likes having attention. constant attention from a guy. you being 8 hours away doesn't put you in the position to give her everything you have. you're in college living the college life, I'm sure. high school is a totally different world. in college there are parties and plenty of college girls. she's still in highschool. probably has been with the same people all her life. she probably just wants someone there. girls are so insecure about relationships. give her time to think, and go have fun. give her space but not too much. if the summer you spent together meant something to her, she'll show it. maybe you are too mature for a senior in highschool. it sounds like you are ready for something more serious. maybe she just isn't ready yet.

[meplusabeemer]

She is not on the same maturity level as you. In addition, perhaps she has some self esteem issues. She doesn't think subconsciously that she deserves a good guy so she breaks it off and goes for what she "thinks" she deserves. This other guy could very well be how she perceives herself, in a negative light.

I know that this doesn't change your disappointment or hurt. But, I think the issue lays with her and not with you. I think she is in for a rude awakening with this other guy. Maybe she will take a good look in the mirror and realize that she had a big mistake.

I would stay in touch and be friends as you have been doing. Things may change and so if you're open to it, be there for her and maybe things will turn around for you both.

I wish you luck.

[sumina7]

Women with low self esteem and self image go for losers, players and other less desirable guys. They feel more secure with such people and get a feeling of self worth from such relationships. Many women, these days, are growing up with a lot of insecurity caused by broken homes, unrealistic images in media and the recession.

Stable and mature guys, such as yourself, make them feel insecure and unwanted. So, over time the relationship falls apart. But, believe me, you are better off with her going off like this without any major problems. Some times such women can be vicious towards their bfs and leave with bitterness all around.

[Tamikaze]

The number one reason why long distance relationships rarely work is that two people do need facetime and physical contact to keep the flames of romance burning. She is not a skank, fake or desperate. She is representative of the average person who needs attention and contact, some elements that are normally a part of being in a relationship. This isn't her being "worried" about the distance. She doesn't need to work this through. Logic will not fix this. She cannot handle the separation, that is not unusual.

You are hurt and sad and there isn't anything you can do to fix this. Barring quitting college and moving back home, you are stuck in a situation without a great solution. This happens to a lot of couples where one has to go off to college and the other is still back home finishing High School. I have compassion for how hard this must be, but she is not the bad person.

[roadkingp]

IF SHE REALLY LIKE YOU DISTANCE WOULD NEVER BE A PROBLEM. I can't accuse her for sure like this. But I think she just used you as a filler to take away her boredom. Such girls will keep on jumping from one guy to another. All they want is fun (at the cost of others). All the best for your recovery.

[Kenyon019]

I am asking why she left me for a loser with no car, is living homeless, and every now and then he lives with his parents and he carries a back pack. And is told if he leaves the house and comes back he has to stay in at 32! Didn't have a job at the time that I met him and thought he was the neighbor. (Until he told me his life story) he does heroin. Now tell me why she left me for him? I have a car, badass job and making my own business, as well as have really good looks. And I used to be an addict of bad drugs but 6 years clean and sober. I just want to know why? And if she ever will regret it? I was a saint to her, but until the day she started changing and lying to me when I would catch her... yeah I wasn't a saint after that...

[Littletad]

She probably likes him because his free time allows him to grow closer to her. He doesn't work so he gets to constantly communicate with her far more than you do. For this reason, she probably likes him more because he gives her more attention.

It's a crappy reason, but it's the only one I can think of.

[Reeses-pieces777]

if he's a loser, well she's gonna get her heart broken and learn her lesson the hard way.

for you, you might not be over him as much as you think.

so...i would just cut it off with her if I were the guy.

i'm sorry.

but don't be too cocky

guys who are drop out ssometimes go back to school

i'm a university student and I have dated a guy who didn't go to university, but anyways

just move on. she obviously doesn't seem to know what she wants or appreciates what she has.

[Anonymous]

i think that she is young and she doesn't want to feel tied down to someone yet. same for you you should go out an talk to new people. and if she really liked you distance wouldn't be a problem.

[Anonymous]

No she liked you man. Basically she's just asking for space for when she goes to college so she can get screwed over and hurt real bad by guys. In which case, she will be back.