Why do some girls act aloof?

[sonic241928]

And kind of "b*tch-like", for lack of better words. Like they'll look at at guy showing the slightest bit of interest, maybe not even a romantic/sexual interest but just a friendly interest, and turn up their noses, or laugh at him, or just shrug at him, as if the guy is supposed to know how the hell to respond to that.

What is it, some sophisticated style of flirting or flipping you off? Is the guy supposed to be super witty and original to pass the test? Whatever it is, it's confusing and it's a complete and utter turn-off for me. Why are some girls like this? Are there any easygoing, straightforward girls out there?

(i.e., girls that aren't boring, just know how to communicate on a freakin' comprehensible and normal level?)

[jdcpa]

It's insecurity, causing someone to develop mannerisms that mimic confident behavior; in order to mask their insecurity.

On the conscious level, those girls just don't want the world to see how uncertain and insecure they are about their own self. They get comfortable playing the part of the person who is very valuable and special, and deserves a lot, and wouldn't settle for just anyone, because whoever she chooses to give herself to would benefit greatly from being with her.

In truth, unless she's minting money, her delusions of grandure and supposed value she has to add to a man's life is purely imaginary. You will more often be the one who has more to offer her than she has to offer you, but even if she realizes this, she'll just deny it and try to convince herself otherwise.

And such girls do this because on an unconscious level, her motivation for behaving this way is to gauge your emotional intelligence. If you are insecure and lack confidence yourself, you'll be too busy taking her behavior towards you personally. But if you're secure and confident, you're able to observe her behavior in an almost "third-person-POV". You're unaffected, dispassionate, and not taking it personally. More importantly, you're able to recognize why she's behaving this way, more that she herself is aware of why she's behaving this way.

What does she expect you to do?

Consciously, to see that you're not bothered by her lack of attention, affection and interest towards you. It communicates that you're not waiting on her or looking to her for her approval, which establishes that she has no emotional control over you. From that point on, after that's been established, she'll unconsciously rationalize that you're confident, secure, and emotionally intelligent.

That will create attraction towards you, because it allows her to feel "comfortable" and "safe" next to you. A man who isn't looking for her attention, approval, interest; who she has no control over and is completely in control of himself, but nevertheless is still choosing by his own free will to be around her and try to comfort those insecurities of hers. When she finally feels comfortable and safe enough around you, believe me, she'll stop acting this way. But if she never feels comfortable or safe around you, she'll continue to act "aloof", because in the beginning, she was just nervous, scared and uncomfortable; but if you've reacted in a way that communicates to her that she has some emotional control/power over you and that you're insecure yourself, then you're not a man she can feel comfortable and safe around, and that's not a man she wants to be with; romantically or sexually.

So depending how far down the rabbit hole you go, and which path you choose to stay on, will determine if the is how she behaves towards you permanently or only temporarily.

[sonic241928]

Thanks dude for taking the time to answer in such detail; I really appreciate it. Very insightful. I doubt though that I'd pursue a girl who puts up this kind of front initially; I'd have to see something extra special in her to even contemplate putting in that much effort. Girls like that usually make me feel like an idiot, but you gave me some ideas on how to respond before walking away. I suppose I'm more attracted to secure and confident, yet easygoing girls and I just can't help it.

[Lei-get]

@sonic241928: I disagree with some of what jdcpa says. I don't put much stock in what a person may subconsciously be doing. But I do agree with not taking it personal. It's her. And if you feel bad because people are like that over and over, it only makes sense. Women have felt the same.

I can tell you that I some women I've talked to have been aloof, then I didn't take it personal, and then she still acts aloof, so I believe that many women are simply that way because there is something wrong with them. I've met pretty attractive women who just talk to me like a normal human being. Also, some areas, even in the same country or state, or different than others. I live in SW Missouri, USA, and many people have said that the people here are friggin' weird: they don't want friends, they don't want to do anything, they don't say much, etc. EVERYBODY I asked says this. On the other side, I had a hispanic guy say that girls in Cali are more outgoing. So uh... many people are just messed up.

[Anonymous]

Ok, coming from a girl who does this from time to time let me just say people saying that this behavior shows that the girl is a bitch is just ignorant. I do it out of insecurity and because I am SHY. jdcpa gave an almost perfect answer except when he said these girls won't just settle for anyone etc.

I don't think half these girls think they're gods gift to man (myself included). Sometimes guys do things to try to impress girls that put them in an uncomfortable position. I've had guys run up behind me in the street and make conversation that was pretty forward and it just throws me off my element. I don't know how to respond. It's not always that I don't want to, it's often I'm so uncomfortable in the situation I don't know how to react. Or I'm intimidated by the guy. I've been sitting down at a cafe trying to quickly eat my lunch during a work break to have a guy come invite himself to sit down with me and make small talk. I was late, this guys a stranger, etc. So always make sure the girl is comfortable when approaching or else you might get a nose turned up from the shy ones (not necessarily controlling, bitchy, or even rude people).

[sonic241928]

That makes sense. Honestly if I were to meet you I wouldn't think it's bitchy behaviour on your part, just shyness. I'm shy myself and I can appreciate and relate to shyness. But the girls I'm talking about DO act like they're God's gift--and I don't even approach them in a forward way. I don't even approach at all!! All I have to do is look their way and they bust out laughing. Maybe they see my own shyness and awkwardness.

[Lollypop7x7x7x]

Girls like that act the exact same way to girls, they are the bitchy type and you are better off not being friends with a girl like that, usually they are very insecure, controlling, high maintenance or just rude. What they are doing is not sophisticated in anyway whatsoever its just immature, also it's a way to get attention. No one likes being ignored or laughed at so they do it to get you to ask them what's up, hence getting your attention. Yes, there are easygoing girls I'm one :)

[sonic241928]

That's cool that you're easygoing--you're the type I'd rather talk to. I don't think I'd bother getting to know someone with the bitchy type of attitude. I do want to improve socially to where I at least know how to respond though.

[Lollypop7x7x7x]

If she is just shy ( you can always tell shy = just not talking to you or avoiding you, Bitchy = when she insults you.) you should try to talk to her one on one and not be too loud or rough, If she is just bitchy ignore her, that's all you can do..

[Anonymous]

i used do that because I'm shy. I don't wanna put myself out there too far and risk being rejected or humiliated so its better for me if I just act aloof like I don't care. not all girls act like that, I would say most of us don't ur just focusing on the wrong ones. and sometimes I do it if I'm just not interested at all and I don't want him to talk to me

[Anonymous]

why must a girl be considered a bitch just because she is not interested in you? it's not flirting, if a girl does that its likely she is not interested or attracted to the guy and doesn't want him to flirt with her. sadly, if a girl smiles at a guy or is nice to him, a lot of guys take that as her being interested. so some girls become hyperdefensive around men they aren't interested in and act aloof.

[sonic241928]

Thanks for your answer. A girl should NOT be considered a bitch just because she isn't interested in a guy. The question is more about why many girls send weird signals and act like they're "too cool" for an ordinary guy to talk to them.

[Opinion Owner]

Well some girls are snobby and really do think they are "too cool". (i've met some guys like that too) but then there are some girls who act like that as a defense mechanism so the guy will be less likely to hit on them

[Reeses-pieces777]

I do that sometimes because I don't want to have a relationship at that time or I'm not interested in the guy or I'll see if he approaches me. many reasons why this happens. what I've listed are a few

[sonic241928]

That makes sense, but why not just tell him straight out if you're not interested, or flirt back a little if you are? If I met you and you were to act like that I'd be turned off, even if I was interested to start out with.

[Mr-Blob]

You know aloof as fool-a backwards