Should I ask her why she decline my Instagram follow request or just ignore it and move on?

[Anonymous]

My crush of almost 2 years doesn't seem to feel the same way apparently, and I'm lost, I'm over her but when I see her, feelings come back :/ and they're out of control. I haven't told her I like her during this time because I'm almost certain it's a dead end. She barely notices I exist sometimes.

Anyway, I requested to follow her on Instagram a while ago and she kept it pending, up until one day I noticed she declined it. I haven't asked her why she did that because I don't want to seem desperate, all I did is I ignored her. I acted like she doesn't exist. But my question is should I ask her why she declined it? or is it a bad idea?

Updates

+1 y

She was active there when I made the request and when it was pending. So she was ignoring it but I don't know why she decided to decline it.

[tarrycat]

I think you should ask her. Just treat her like a friend though - a distant friend... But be playful when you ask her... Say something like "I see you're too good to be my friend hey 😮😂". When she replies with "Why?". Just say "... well, because it seems like you don't want my Instagram friendship 😛, I'll remember that 😢". Just treat her like a friend. Even mention that you just want to be friends. Or you could say "I see you're too cool to be my friend on Instagram 😧🙈". If you keep it light, it removes the desperation effect that you may leave on her - especially mentioning the friend or friendship part. As soon as you make your intentions too well-known, i. e., HEAVY, she will want to run in the opposite direction. You don't want that.

[Asker]

It's a great idea, but I think I made up my mind now. Why should I bother? She never even bothered to go out of her way to talk to me not even once, which is what I think about every time I try to do something or make a move throughout this period. All she does is treat me in a mean way. I just feel like I don't exist to her most of the time.

[Asker]

So whatever her reasoning behind not paying me any attention and rejecting my Instagram request, it's her choice. I don't have to emphasize her not accepting it, I'm sure she knows very well I'm not pleased with her behavior.

[tarrycat]

There could be a reason behind her acting mean. Have you ever thought that she may actually be acting mean, because she just REALLY likes you? Has she ever flirted with you/shown any interest? Girls do stupid things. Trust me. If a girl is being an asshole towards you, you'll be able to tell the difference whether she's doing it because she likes you (it will be obvious), or if she's grossed out by you. There will be a hell of a difference in her body language & her tone of voice.

[tarrycat]

If she likes you, it's almost as if she tries too hard to be a bitch, but you can see right through it. If not, she's most probably not feeling it, hey. If shw tries too hard, she definitely likes you. It's the most foolish strategy for a woman to implement, because they actually just come off as desperate. Best is to be vulnerable & genuine. To be open, yet staying true to your boundaries, is the best strategy, i. e., reciprocating the interest.

[Asker]

In my case, no. She acts mean because she doesn't want anything to do with me. The only thing she did that I thought of as a sign of interest is that I caught her staring at me a few times. But looking into it, there's really nothing that shows me she's interested quite the opposite actually. Everything she ever did is simply mean by any standards. The last time I messaged her she replies with short answers and I had to end the conversation because she's making me look like a desperate fool, only I found out she deactivated the app next day. Have I done anything wrong? No. Besides, there are limits. So even if a girl is acting like this because she "likes a guy" she wouldn't reject him on social media. Anyhow, I'm tired of her and I'm gonna avoid her and any interactions with her if that what she wants. It's for my sake too.

[Asker]

I'm already doing it.

[tarrycat]

Yeah. I agree. If she treats you like the stool on her shoe, she's not worth it. Sometimes we do reject men we like. It all just depends on what the woman's circumstances are. I will reject men, because I'm busy with my studies. There may not be room for a relationship in her life. Men do this too. However, you shouldn't tolerate being treated ill. You seem like a decent guy; you deserve much better. I doubt you did something wrong then. Perhaps she's just not interested. Move on & find better. :)

[Asker]

Thanks a lot! At one point I said F*** it. If a person cares about you they WILL find a way to contact you and communicate with you. Not treat you like they don't even know you. I did my part and more.

[Wonderer89]

I'd say she doesn't feel the same way honey, and the request was left open in the hope you'd forget about it until declining it

[Asker]

I was thinking the same thing.

[Wonderer89]

2 years is a long time to have unreturned feelings, hopefully this frees you up to look for love elsewhere xo

[Asker]

But if she was trying to give me an impression that she doesn't like me back, why wouldn't she decline it from the very beginning? Whatever. She probably doesn't even want me as friend anymore and doesn't want anything to do with me but she's trying to make it in way that doesn't invalidate social standards. That's what I think.

[Wonderer89]

Maybe she knew how you felt and didn't want it to be a blatant rejection? I don't know her so I can't give a better answer sorry.
Turning someone down or not returning their feelings can be difficult, and instead of just getting it over with it seems like she's done the easiest thing for her

[Asker]

It's okay. Either way, it doesn't matter rejection is rejection. Even if I had questions in my mind that need answering, it doesn't matter. I was stuck in a version of her in my mind all this time that's just not reality.

[Anna96]

That was probably her way of telling you that feelings aren't mutual.

[Asker]

Okay.

[Anna96]

I'm really sorry though. That's childish on her behalf.

[Asker]

But you know what? to some degree she's kinda saving me some pain and trouble although I'd say almost to years is not saving anything by any means haha but it was just my mind that made it go for that long.

[Anna96]

But still. That's not a very nice way of treating somebody...

[Asker]

Very much I was in shock when I messaged her once and I found out she deactivated the app the next day. I was like whaaaa? This is extremely mean! Here's the thing, recently I heard she had a bad experience with someone a guy manipulated her or something he loved someone else that's what I've heard and she apparently doesn't want anyone anymore and this is experience is the only reason I could think of as to why she's being mean. She has been approached by guys before by the way. I indeed agree with you it's very childish of her which is why I'm currently trying to avoid her.

[Anna96]

That sucks. I hope everything gets better soon :)

[Asker]

Thank you.

[absguy773]

Just let it go and move on. I know it sucks and that it hurts but believe me - you won't feel this way forever. Anything you do beyond this point is only going to bring you more pain and sorrow. Focus on yourself. Find hobbies to keep yourself busy and learn to love an enjoy yourself. Have fun and when you seem busy and mysterious, girls will start coming your way but never invest too much too soon. Make THEM fight for you, not the other way around. A healthy lifestyle and a gym membership to get a better physique will definitely be of great help as well. Stay strong brother! We've all been there at some point.

[Asker]

Thanks bro! I indeed try to invest time for myself.

[Asker]

I do have hobbies that I involve myself into every now and then.

[absguy773]

Turn now and then into most of the time. Girls like it when guys are busy. If they know you're not, their fundamental need for security will have its play. Weird, I know. Try things you've never done before. Make sure you and your buddies discuss cool and exciting things when she's around. For example, how you're going to travel somewhere or plan to do bungee jumping or how some girl wants you to go to art class or a museum. This will help you build experience into teasing girls. If she's gonna be "too cool" to even acknowledge you as a friend, use her as an ego boost. Girls do it ALL the time. You know the "assholes" that get girls? They do it too. I've come to realise that you only need to show your softer and sweeter side to a girl only if she earns it. Be cold and distant but don't overdo it. Give her a glimpse of what she can expect from your nicer side then remind her that it's not hers to possess. Be in charge. And find a new girl that will truly appreciate you! Take care! :)

[Asker]

Thank you yeah, I totally agree with you. Not that she'd care or anything, but this is also general. I'm not gonna bother with her, I'm just gonna continue to avoid her and act cold. I won't interact with her. It's better this way. Surely it's painful but that's the way I see it.

[absguy773]

Good man! I'm proud of you. More guys need to know when to walk always. Where I come from, we have a saying: everything bad you go through in life is only a preparation for the good when it arrives, so that you could recognise and appreciate it.

[Asker]

Yes, that's for sure. Life is full of experiences and we need to learn from those experiences.

[GraveTruth]

You are just going to hurt yourself by asking. Move on or start trying years is far too long.

[Asker]

Yeah, indeed it is. I kept asking "what if" questions to myself attempting to give her every possible hint that I can think of that I like her, but I ended up getting nothing. I said I'm over her, but the fact is that when I see her, it goes down hill. So I'm trying to avoid her.

[ineedlatte]

Id say its clear she doesn't want to be friends, dont make it more painful, I know its hard but you most move on

[Asker]

Okay. I keep thinking about why she accepts some people and not me :/

[Asker]

This is even more painful.

[Anonymous]

you will look really clingy and desperate