Why do girls not go for successful guys anymore, just confident jerks, who will be pathetic in life?

Question

I have a one friend in particular this applies to. I have a bachelors, a masters, and will make 75,000 out of school, I also have tons of talents and will be a great father and husband. I also am pretty good looking. Yet I'm 24 and never have had a girlfriend.

My friend still hasn't got a bachelors at 23, lives at home with his parents, is a completely jerk to women. Every girlfriend he has cheated on. Except he can get a girlfriend just because he has a great body.

Most Girls 18 to 24 I have found are completely ignorant to what guys they should go for. They go for jerks because they have a six pack. That is so stupid. Don't girls want to marry a successful guy anymore? Its just disappointing.

jdcpa · Accepted Answer

Why do guys go after hot girls,

But ignore the average or cute girls,

Who are actually doing something with their lives?

Easy..

Because when guys AND GIRLS are younger,

they're not interested so much in a person's financial future..

They just want to have fun & have great sex..

When girls are younger, they just want a guy that's going to be "exciting"!

If he's not stable, if he's not safe, if he's high risk to date.. guess what.. that just makes him more exciting & fun..

The guy that's successful & going places, at the moment, isn't investing his time in going to the gym, or his money in cars, vacations & nice stuff for her.. he's investing his time & money in his future.. which is utterly useless to her right now!

So while girls are younger, they'll go for the guys that can offer them fun & excitement..

As girls get older, and want to start a family & have kids.. they look for guys just like you!

Guys who were spending less time getting laid.. and more time becoming a better long-term provider..

So all it's going to take is some female attention & sex.. and they'll have a great husband & father.. sure.. he might not be the best looker.. or that much fun.. or that great in bed.. but they don't really value those things as much any more.. been there.. done that..

Now it's time to make babies.. find a guy that is financially secure & can pay all or most of the bills.. and help raise the kids so they don't grow up without a father..

Priorities change..

You're simply marketing to younger girls.. as if they were older women.. and wondering why your market isn't responding!

The issue is your marketing plan.. not your product.. nor your market..

markml · Accepted Answer

I think it has to do with marketing!

You see, people (and I think women especially) are not always rational when they make buying decisions. You see an ad and you rush out to buy something without thinking about whether it's a smart purchase or not, or you walk into the store and a salesperson convinces you to buy one product over another. Sometimes, you even walk out of the store having bought something you never intended to buy in the first place...

The only real way to avoid this is to always do your research and look at the objective criteria of what you're trying to buy, but few people take the time to do this carefully and nobody does it all the time. The more uncertain you are about what you're looking for, the more vulnerable you are to the powers of persuasion.

Conversely, sometimes there's a great product that's at an extremely good price, and yet it doesn't sell well because it's been marketed poorly!

I think that this reasoning doesn't just apply to commercial products, but also to the dating world.

While you were getting your education, your friend was perfecting his salespitch. He may also be a bit more naturally talented at it.

The good news is that I don't think there's anything that he has that you don't have. Your friend may indeed be an inferior product, but if he knows how to sell that product, that's all that matters.

This is coming from someone who always came in last place during sales fundraisers, but I still believe that's what it really boils down to...

greeneyedgal1 · Accepted Answer

Yes, there are females who desire a successful man who is mature, level headed, intelligent and is goal oriented. I had the same problem as you when I was in this age bracket, however the guys had a tendency to only want to party and get laid. Moreover, when I did meet some guys that had the same background as you, they were extremely snobby because they came from money. Whereas, my family did well but we were never rich but I still wasn't up to par. Now, please understand that I am NOT saying this applies to you in anyway because I don't know you.

The girls you are encountering are not as mature and goal oriented as you. They are still in a mode of partying, focusing on a guy's looks and aren't focused on what truly matters. As you date more, mature and see what is out there then you assess what truly matters and surmise what you want and need. Girls will reach this point eventually just as guys do.

I WISH I met someone like you when I was younger. I have always sought after a guy who is mature, educated, goal oriented, knows what he want professionally and personally and will treat a lady right. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack at that time.

If you get anything from my response, please remember this: You are a rare find. You have a lot to be desired. Don't be deterred. When the time is right, you will encounter a female who will stop dead in her tracks to meet you. When she does, make sure she earns your respect and your heart as they shouldn't be given freely. Don't change yourself, put yourself out there to find her.

Best of luck.

geanuine · Accepted Answer

I think it depends on a lot of different factors that maybe you are not aware of. I'm sure you have to be telling the girls you meet about you academic successes and maybe the way you say it comes off as an arrogant "jerk". Or maybe you are too busy trying to explain away your accomplishment that you forget to leave room for her to speak and maybe tell you some of hers as well.

I also think that people need a balance in life and if you seem like you make all this time for work, she might see it like you don't make time for other important thing such as relationships, or health or enjoyment. They might look at you and think "I wouldn't want to end up in a relationship with a ghost boyfriend or even worse, husband". Obviously there are an abundance of women that are attracted to successful men but I think the smart ones look at not just success but someone that can make balances in their own life.

Last of all and I think most importantly is its really true what they say about loving yourself before you can properly love anyone else. You really have to be content with being who you are without being with someone else. When you can stand to be alone with yourself then for long periods of time then someone else is bound to also.

Find some balance, learn to love yourself and don't stress how successful you are.

sandyyyy · Accepted Answer

Uhm, I think this data is not very accurate, as it only addresses a certain pool of women. In reality, I broke up with my ex because he did not have enough ambition to become successful. Then again, I am not in the least interested in relationships. This is because, I am focused in medicine, piano, golf, horseback riding and many languages. Most of my girl friends do not have a boyfriend either. I think they are all too picky, and...they are very hard to get. Then again, my friends mostly study medicine, and before we are done with medicine, we can't really take relationships seriously, or even consider because, we will probably change countries or state for our specialty.

PS: I love guys who are dedicated, have a passion and plans for his future. Someone who isn't just playing around. Confidence is good, but not overconfidence. Personally, I am more interested in smart, shy guys.

wildfire5288 · Answer

Um I do, but successful guys are to find.  I'm assuming I won't even really run into successful guys, or guys who want to be successful, until I go to graduate school.  A lot of guys are just content with being average which is fine but I don't want to be with someone who's content with being average.  I feel like it would always bother me if I had a masters degree and the guy I was with didn't, especially if I was at a company and getting promoted and he was stuck in the middle and OK with it.  But sometimes it doesn't hurt to hit the gym because I'm just as bothered by someone who avoids the gym like the plague as I am by someone whose content being average.

Mande1985 · Answer

Well, personally... I probably would have gone after a guy like that when I was younger. But as I've gotten older.. I go after guys who are successful. I like to give the terms "smart, geeky guys". They treat girls better and will be the better husband/father in the future. I have lots of love to give and they tend to be the ones who will receive it and give it back 100x more in return. Attention is a must for me and they also give more attention in the way of kisses, hugs and saying sweet things. I think why girls in that age bracket usually go after guys like the one your friend is... is because they aren't thinking about marriage. Not looking at the long term... but short term. If I knew you, I would be excited about getting to know you... you sound like a good guy. =)

CuddlyCarla · Answer

Just because you have a Masters and will make a nice salary one day doesn't mean you are destined for a life that isn't pathetic or that you will be a guaranteed success. No offense, but that's a little presumptuous, especially in this economy. I have a Masters too and I don't walk around like the world owes me something. Also, you don't have a nice salary yet so I don't see how that factors into the equation, not like a nice salary even should factor in much. I guarantee your friend has dated a lot of women who are losers, a quality woman won't put up with that. It sounds like you are full of superficial judgments of what women are and thus if I could take a guess as to why you are having bad luck, it seems your perspective and attitude may have something to do with that.

purple4ever · Answer

In pure honesty, you have been hanging around the wrong people, because there is many of us who love to be in part of and find someone successful, independent, and goal oriented just like you, especially at 24 years of age? Are you kidding me? At your age there's not one person I've met that thinks close to finding someone special. Thanks for giving us hope and finally to answer you question, this generation is all about sex and looking good/materialistic, pregnancies and divorces. But no worries, for your not the only one confused.

Keep your hopes up,

Samantha

Anonymous · Answer

You are a little ignorant for saying this, to be honest. For starters, my guess is that when you say "girls" you mean why are the Lindsey lohan/Megan fox whatever look alike NOT attracted to me? You're only judging them for their looks too...You obviously don't actually know the girls that well. They probably have low self esteem or are just really immature and only care about looks. Or else the guys they date are actually exceptionally good to them. There are plenty of legitimately attractive girls out there who like nice guys.You have to be reasonable as far as looks are concerned, generally people date people on their same level of attractiveness: meaning, stay within your league. Also, if you're going out to clubs or to bars to meet women that's probably not the best place to meet them. You should be trying to get to know women you work with, or friends of friends they'll likely have closer ideals to yours.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm college-educated. . .and when I graduate, I will be making 60,000 right out of school.

I've found that all the guys who have their degrees are somewhat cocky about it. . which is really annoying when they're talking sh*t about the school I go to or the degree I'm getting. . .(*I think an associate's that makes me 60,000 is quite awesome).

I don't go for guys who have a six pack. . .i go for guys who make me feel comfortable, who understand my sense of bitchy humor, who respect me, and who I would spend my life with. . .that's what I look for. . .I figure that if a guy wants to be something, he will be. . .especially if I start making 60,000 and my boyfriend is making much less, maybe he'll feel inferior or want to go back to school to do better. . .

Though it'd be nice to find the "one" who had a college degree, I have yet to find that guy. . .the guy I'm with right now is awesome anyways.

Anonymous · Answer

Should a bachelors/masters really be your determining factor in success or getting girls? I love how you are presenting your arguments why you are so awesome yet I fail to see why. What have you done to ask a girl out? Or to chase a girl or do stuff that girls like to find you attractive? The truth is the attitude of who you are is more important than the crap around you like a measely 75K/year job or blah education or blah travels or talents.

You join the class of men who always aspire to be but never become what they want.

Anonymous · Answer

Ur confusing marriage with dating...dont think about using your education and money to woo a girl..do that after. for now, use that money to improve yourself. the way you dress..commit to a gym, shape up and learn to approach women.. trick to getting them to date you is to be witty...go look it up. as for marriage..you're still young, you'll meet more settled women later...but don't wait too long, or them jerks will make them bitter. if worst comes to the worst, go for people who were raised with marriage values already...word on the street is those are latinos, indians and africans...good luck

Anonymous · Answer

I think it has to do with girls wanting a commitment free relationship (Not like FWB but a relationship with a jerk)

Girl's like this because they can have their fun and when they are done having their fun they can leave the jerk because they will then come to the realization that hey deserve better e.g. a guy like you.

So I would look for girls who are looking for a commitment relationship and forget about your friend. Let him live his shallow short lived life, while you will be much more successful. I'm sure a girl will turn up in your future.

Anonymous · Answer

Whatever you people think, this modern culture (which is catch fast to "my" culture), is a failure and a ruin to society. Nothing works better than marriage arranged by parents or at least by will of parents. Allow the guy and the girl to get "socially" comfortable with each other and that is as much of dating as they should do. Nobody makes a better decision than your parents. They know you best and they want the best for you. Unfortunately in the modern culture "who cares what parents say".

You may date someone; its ok. But don't have a long affair with the will to marry.

toulouse · Answer

"Don't girls want to marry a successful guy anymore? Its just disappointing."

>> maybe they are not planning on getting married? I'm not - not that I go for jerks but if I get involved it is to have an experience, not to prepare for my future as 'mummy dearest '

but hey masters at 24 that's pretty hot lol What degree/s did you earn?

WayTooPopular · Answer

Most girls like badboys or at least a guy who is somewhat of a jackass until the late 20's early 30's, and some actually never get past liking them.  If you want to actually know all the bad reasons why, it's been answered over and over again on this site and there's a search bar up there somewhere.

socalgamehater2006 · Answer

I feel you, girls have it so much easier, a girl can mope around, be bitchty, whiny, not be successful in life, whether it is money-wise or social status wise, pretty much it's okay for a girl to get her validation from having a boyfriend but it's not okay for us guys to get validation from having a girlfriend. A girl can have no life and be boring, not exciting to be around but guys will still like her

goatxr · Answer

Most girls that age don't know what makes a real man OR are looking JUST for fun. Or giving away fun thinking that's going to hook thier man. lol

But maybe you're looking for your match in too young a pool of women. Look for a woman a couple years older than you. Maybe 26 and she'll likely be able to appreciate and match your maturity as well as support a man such as yourself.

the_cheshire_cat · Answer

Dont generalise all women like that. You just haven't met the right ones. Many guys in your position are complaining about finding nothing but gold diggers lol

You may need to broaden your scope for more mature women who have been around enough to know what life really is about and be able to properly appreciate you.

heyitslinda · Answer

Personally, I like my guys skinny with out a nasty six-pack like the Situation. But most girls are attracted to that. And no we do want to marry successful guys, so maybe your going at it the wrong way? Girls in clubs generally want a juice head to grind on, but say go to a coffee shop and you'll probably get some girls. It's hard to really say why since we don't have a picture as a reference.

lucky_charmed · Answer

maybe ur friend has that swagger/confidence that women are looking for.  you sound like an amazing catch, but maybe the reason why you aren't attracting any girls is because you don't feel like you can?  just be yourself, be funny, kind, charming and smart.  you will definitely find the girl you been looking for!  don't be so pessimistic!  every girl just wants a guy who will love and accept her for who she is, show those type of qualities and women will be drawn to you like a magnet! :)

Anonymous · Answer

omg. I would neverrrr go for a guy who wasn't successful or attempted to be. I was veryyy picky when I met my boyfriend. he's my frist boyfriend but he had all the things I looked for. he was smart, wanted to do something with  his life and he's veryyy nice and mature. if he wasn't I wouldve strayed away in the first place. I'm agreeing with you here. I don't get why girls are dumb enough to go for dumb guys. looks like you just need to find one as smart as you are:) hope this hgelps! becaus eobviously the girls ur talking about aren't the sharpest tools in the shed! sorry about the typos my keyboard acts up. lol.

darkknight1x · Answer

Now that you make a lot of money how are you going to know that your first girlfriend isn't after your money. What you should have done was work on getting women and then try being successful. Women know that life is short and they are young only once so they care about getting with good looking guys. After all why else do you think that there's the phrase "nice guys finish last".

BlackSuperman · Answer

it's always been that way. You dnt need to be wondering/whining over why girls dnt want you- focus on your career... trust me, I been thru it too... I realized it took time. And I did get the girl... so you just keep on keepin on (sorry to be cliched)... Again, quit worrying abt them gals who dnt want you.

Why do girls not go for successful guys anymore, just confident jerks, who will be pathetic in life?

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