How do I convince my girlfriend that even just sleeping in the same bed with other guys is bad?

[Anonymous]

hi so my girlfriend met up with an old friend today who's on leave from the military for two weeks and so she offered to let him stay over for three whole nights and when I asked where he was going to sleep she said her room, I asked her not to, to put him somewhere else but she insisted then when I asked her what was he going to sleep on she said her bed with her, but that it was just sleep, I begged her not to do that, not to sleep in the same bed as him since she has a boyfriend, me, but she didn't see what the big deal was, it was only sleep, when kept asking her she got mad because she thought I thought something was going to happen between them but I no that wont, I still don't want her sleeping in the same bed with him tho, help, how can I make her see even sleeping in the same bed as him is wrong?

Updates

+1 y

um from the rsponses I feel I should tell you guys this is a long distance relationship so going over there and sleeping there too is something I can't exactly do

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+1 y

ok so she slept with him last night but we talked this morning and she agreed not to do it anymore, not to sleep with any other guys in the same bed, but now she's pissed at me for not being OK with it, and thinks I'm selfish now

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+1 y

I officially don't like the friend now, while my girlfriend was in the shower he took her cell and texted me asking me to stop pissing her off, I tried to explain to him and asked him not to sleep in my gfs bed anymore but he replied no, if she lets him he's going2

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+1 y

he went on to say stuff like how he doesn't want to threaten me or argue with me he just wants me to stop doing stuff to make his stay there worse, somehow he's making me sound like the bad guy here, I don't like it

[Dblock679]

Alright kid, i know what you're going through because i've been through this. I was actually googling "is it gay for a man to sleep on another man's bedroom floor" when this came up, never did find my answer. How old are you? Because this happened to me with my first "girlfriend" when i was like 16 or 17. Whoever already commented saying she's playing you is right. That doesn't mean she doesn't like you, it might just mean that she currently likes the other guy more or that she just wants to "sleep" with the other guy really badly, and by sleep i mean sex. They probably had sex, just saying. And yes, girls are vile, cold and vicious, welcome to the world of women u'll learn a lot. Now the question is whether or not u will remain with her after she cheated on you. My advice is no, don't do that. But if you are 16 or 17 and anything like me when i was your age, i'm sure you will. Because the youth are hopeless romantics.

[Dblock679]

Ima just tell u what happened to me maybe it'll help u out but these cats are right save yourself the heart ache and just literally stop talking to this girl.. When i was 16 i was "dating" a girl from where i used to live in jersey when i then lived in maryland and we would say "i love you's" and we seemed perfect for each other, at the time of course. We were supposed to go to prom together up in jersey and then afterwards i was supposed to stay at her beach house for the after prom...

[Dblock679]

She had just broken up with her boyfriend who turned out to be gay evidentally who was a good friend of mine when i lived in jersey too. Well what ended up happening? Sumhow she ended up going to prom with Justin, her ex. I was blown. We were still supposed to do after prom together tho me and her, eventually that fell through too. Basically she played me like a fiddle to listen to how horrible her ex was just so she could get back with him, every time i think of her i think if her with him and mention

[Anonymous]

Yikes. I can't believe she thinks that's cool to do. I do agree the guy is on leave and he deserves a nice bed to sleep in for once.

But your girlfriend should then say she's cool sleeping on the couch. If she doesn't understand how you are feeling...wow, I'm just shocked.

She would never let you sleep in the same bed with another girl. Ever. You can try and get her to see it from your perspective...but she doesn't sound like she'd be able to.

Not saying anything's going to happen...but why did she offer three nights when he's home for two weeks? Of course, he's statying somewhere else the rest of the time, but why won't his other accomodations cover the three nights?

Sorry to be suspicious, man...but...yikes.

[Asker]

according to her he's going to spend three nights at her place then two at another firends and then she doesn't know where after that, he's going to visit his family for the second week ofhis leave tho, I'm not suspicious I trust her I just don't think she should sleep with any other guys even if its just sleeping when she has a boyfriend who she loves

[D-Rock]

first off, why would he not go see his family first? Being in the military you usually want to see your family first, unless your a guy and haven't had sex in awhile and maybe that's why he is with your woman...just saying dude, you said yourself long distance...I could be wrong but if I am let lighting strike me...she had sex with her so called "friend" leave that trick...and if she loved you truly she wouldn't do it anyways...without even having to ask you...she wouldn't do it...

[labratcreations]

I thinnk trusting the person you are dating is not only your responsabiity, but also theres. She is putting her self in a situation that makes you uncomfortable and that does lend its self to suspison. You also made it clear to her that you are not comfortable with her sharing a bed with another man even if they are just sleeping.

You can not make her do what you want, however you should not have to put up with her behavior thaat is unrespectful to your relationship.

I would honestly not waste time with her.

It seems odd that a guy who only gets a very short amount of time off every year would spend it with people besides his family or someone he is dating. honestly I would not be suprised if she was cheating on you if not physically at least emotionally

[Asker]

honestly the thought has occured to me, that possily she just wants a warm body in bed for a little bit

[labratcreations]

But if she just wanted a warm body, shouldn't that warm body be the person she is dating?

You need to sit down and discuss with her what is cheating in your relationship. If she can not follow what you two agree on than you should leave ehr

[Tigerbaby994]

First off, is he gay? I get how that can be weird. Definitely not good. If I were guy...well, I'm not a guy. I'm a girl, and I completely agree with you. Maybe you should stay there too, if you really feel that bad. You could try trusting her...but I think it's HIM that you don't trust, am I right? Maybe you could try talking to him, and explaining politely why his staying with her upsets you. If she really likes you though, she should respect at least not sleeping in the same bed. I think if he's in the military he can stand sleeping on the floor. Either keep trying to convince her and let her know that you won't be happy and that you expect more from a girlfriend, or try to talk to the guy staying there.

[Asker]

i tried telling her, I begged her not to sleep with him even if its just sleping in the same bed I even tried asking her to please not sleep in the same bed with him for me but no she refuses because she doesn't see how I could have a problem with it, and no I'm pretty sure he's not gay, and I do trust her not to do anything with him besides sleep, its him I don't like, today one of the first things he did, supposedly as a joke was say your boobs got biger and then grope her, I wasn't around unfortunatly

[danigurl56]

The fact that she is telling you about all of this is proof she doesn't plan on anything happening, but at the same time I def agree with you. She has a boyfriend she should not be sleeping with another guy in her bed. There is no reason he couldn't sleep on a floor or couch. I think she should have made him just to keep you happy. I'm sure she wouldn't have liked it if you slept in the same bed with a girl-friend...did you ever ask her that. I agree trust is a big part of a relationship, but I think that's drawing the line, sleeping with another guy,no matter who he is. I hope she figured things out, and slept elsewhere, and hopefully she got over being mad at you. Best Wishes!

[Asker]

lol yeah I tried the what if I did the same thing arguement but she just said that's fine I can sleepn with whoever I want, its just sleep, and she still doesn't get y but ya she won't be sleeping with any other guys even if its just sleep

[danigurl56]

Aw thanks for best answer! I'm glad things worked out! =)

[Tigerbaby994]

He did what! Just keep trying, I wouldn't trust him either. I don't know why she would let him stay. I say you just stay too. If she thinks you're being overprotective then just remind her that as her boyfriend you have every right to protect her. Don't give in, stand your ground. Show her you wear the pants and if she's not going to respect you then she doesn't deserve you. Don't let her push you around. She's old enough to know better than to let another guy sleep in the same bed. If it's because she wants him to sleep in a bed before going back, then she can sleep on the couch now can't she? Put your foot down.

[Anonymous]

Okay, breaking up with someone is so damn tough. But she does not respect you...at all.

She won't respect your wishes. He has other people he can stay with that don't have a bf.

I know you want so badly to trust her, (and trust is a great thing...when it's earned) and sorry to be so blunt, but they are probably not sleeping innocently.

If she told you that he grabbed her boobs and she laughed it off, come on...if she'll TELL you about that, what is she NOT telling you about.



He is also treating you with no respect when he talks to you, even though I'm sure she told him your wish is that he not sleep in her bed.

Please respect yourself enough to get out. I really hope I'm wrong, but all signs point to her having her **** and eating it too.

[Asker]

i no it sounds bad but keep in mind she didn't have to tell me any of this, not the boob thing and not the guy thing but she told me, I don't think she's leaving much out, and I do trust her, my problem is the whole principle of the thing, I just don't think a girl with a boyfriend she loves should sleep with other guys with her in bed even if its just sleep, but she finally agreed to not do that anymore, but she's mad at me for making her basically and for not just being OK with it in the first place

[minerva_milano]

SORRY, if you trust her, you shouldn't worry... he won't rape her, so anything that happen will be seeing as "with consent" since she invited him to sleep with her even after the BOOBS comment... I would say that you're wasting your time, but its okay, the time is yours...

[Asker]

like I said I'm not worried anything will happen between them, I trust her on that, its the implications that bother me, just the fact she'd let another guy into her bed with her even if it is just sleeping, and yesterday she told me she sleeps with all her friends when they sleep over, guy or girl because she has plenty of room in her bed and it would be rude to put them else where

[minerva_milano]

SHE'S PLAYING YOU, she likes to know that you're struggling your minds with "what ifs" maybe she thinks is hot to imagine you wondering what if her friend do this or that...

[Asker]

i don't believe that, I believe she honestly doesn't see anything wrong with it, and because she doesn't see anything wrong with it she's not going to stop just because for some reason it really bothers me, and that's what's bothering me the most that she won't not sleep with him just because for some reason I don't want her to, and to me that suggests she doesn't care about how I feel otherwise wouldn't she be able to do something as simple as not sleep in the same bed with another guy

[krazEkid]

so your relationship is long distance? she has a friend home on R&R for the miltary? and he is sleeping in the same bed as your gf? hmmm sorry but that sounds like they are going to have sex, I'm really sorry man, but you either need to leave this girl, or go over there and stand up for yourself. your girlfriend really sounds like she wants this guy in bed with her.

[Asker]

i no! it really seems like she badly wants to sleep with him, I even tried asking her as her boyfriend as the person she loves please don't sleep with him, but then she said it was not fair, I don't know y but at the time I tried to let it go and change the subject but now I really wish I knew what exactly she meant by that, I assume she meant its not fair that I can't sleep with my friend because you don't want me to but I don't know for sure if that's what she meant

[krazEkid]

she wants to have your permission to sleep with a guy in bed so she can have sex with him and not feel bad. she is playing you and controlling your feelings. you need to find someone that only wants YOU in their bed! drop this girl, I'm tellin you, if she has done it this time, I'm sure she has done it in the past without you knowing. good luck man! girls can be bitches

[Raider_Z]

Offer to buy him a motel or hotel room. If he doesn't have a car, offer cab money. If you don't have the money sell your stuff, or beg your parents and friends for loans. Ask her if you could spend the night on the couch. After all he is on military leave and deserves a nice bed to sleep in. Buy him/make him dinner and be his friend.

[Shadylemon]

Hahaha, oh boy. Bud, I'm still a young guy, you know, not much in the way of experience, but to me? This girl is cheating, with your permission. Not good. My girl suggested that she'd move in with a guy friend of hers for college, not sleep with him, but live with him for three damned years. During that time, I'll be in finishing my last senior high year, and go to Ontario to study...she lives in Alberta. She said she was sure he was gay, but I told her how uncomfortable it made me, and you know what? She told him it wasn't going to happen, and my friend, this may be the result of teenage testosterone, but I do not beg. Ever. We talked, she agreed, everyone is happy. All this to say, leave her, find someone worth your while, who'll respect you just as much as you respect her :) thanks for reading this far xD

[JustSayinn]

I think that you need to just explain to her so she can understand

where you are coming from. She might not be so mad if you take

the time and just lay it all out on the table. Tell her you trust her and

care about her, it just makes you uncomfortable and you would like

her to respect your feelings since you are in a relationship. That is

one of those things a relationship is about, respecting and understanding

each others' thoughts and feelings.

[shawnzyp]

start sleeping in bed with other girls, she'll get the idea really quick trust me, I've been in your shoes before, I did what I told you to do and she acted just like the way you acted about your girlfriend sleeping with other guys. and then she finally stopped sleeping with other guys without me even having to ask her...

[maxxi]

omg! to frankly tell you if a girl allowed a man sharing a bed with her, it means she like that guy or she's attracted to that guy, simple as that. a girl never allows a guy to sleep with her in her bed if she's not interested..OPEN UR EYES..

if the guy is his brother that's fine, but just a friend oh my... Just think of it and you have a long distance relationship, c'mon think think think why she's allowing her friend to share a bed with her...

[minerva_milano]

you CAN'T, but you can hope that he ask her to let him sleep in the couch just for being considerate with her boyfriend (You) my personal though? She is a bi*&^,sorry...

[Asker]

no I'm not going to bother hoping for that, I doubt he'll be a gentle for three nights while he's there

[Anonymous]

if she is in a committed relationship with you, she shouldn't have other guys in her bed, period. she should have enough respect for you to honor your wishes, and she should have enough respect for the other guy not to lead him on that way.

[inevitably_yours]

If she doesn't understand what's wrong with that, maybe you need to find someone who does.

[Anonymous]

Any updates on what happened? I'm guessing she cheated.

[Asker]

no, she did sleep with him the first night but only slept, and then the next day she finally agreed not to even just sleep in the same bed as other guys, so she made him sleep on the couch the last two nights

[minerva_milano]

tell HER