My girlfriend has slept with a lotof other guys. I on the other hand have not slep with many girls and she does not want to be physical with me?

[Zaguy]

So my story is, my girlfriend has slept with a lot of other guys. I have not slept with a lot of girls because I believe it has to be special. Not because I did not have the chance as there were a lot. What bothers me is that she does not want to be physical with me at all because she keeps saying she has "turned her life around". But a month before she started dating me she was physical with a random guy who she didn't even know? Now she keeps playing the Christian card and says she wants to do things right with me because she wants to marry me? I do not know what to make of this?

[Seinna]

Maybe it's true? Especially if she converted to Christianity.

I didn't sleep with many guys but I had long term boyfriends before and since I became a Christian I made the decision to not do it again until I'm married because it's a sin.

It doesn't mean she doesn't like you or wouldn't want to have sex with you. I mean, if could, but not necesserily. But if it bothers you so much then rather than pressuring her to have sex with you, break up with her so hopefully she can find a Christian who shares her values.

Just because she had a different lifestyle before doesn't mean she cannot change. So please don't make her chose between you and God.

[Zaguy]

Thank you for your comment. I think I must ellaborate a bit though...

I do not want her to have sex with me. I want to understand whats going on in her head. Because it just doesn't add up to me.

She gave her heart to Jesus completely about a year and half ago. That is when she made these decisions. And after that she was still physical with other guys. Now she is with me. (A big christian who literally only lost my virginity 2 years ago at the age of 29 because I always wanted to hold it for marraige as well).

But my point is why was she physical with them after that? But now with me I am not allowed to do anything except kiss? I just feel she is not telling me everything?

[Seinna]

Ohh I get you now... well I can only speak from my experience but I feel it's fairly similar to what she goes through. I'll write you a PM though because it will get a bit personal.

[Seinna]

You have to follow me though xd

[Zaguy]

Gonna give you a follow just now 🙂

[Anonymous]

Yeah you have got different opinions on sex and it can be. But while being with you why doesn’t she want to have sex with you? I don’t understand. Maybe she thought that if she had sex with you earlier, you would have thought that it is not special.

[Zaguy]

She says she is now living 100% for Jesus. Even though she said she has made that decision before the previous guy also. And it kind of makes me angry because I feel like she happily was willing to drop her standards for him in order to experience some intimicy?

[Zaguy]

Also thank you for your reply 🙂

[Opinion Owner]

We can not know how she feels inside. I can not say that she is a liar or she doesn’t want to turn her life around. You are right to be feel like this. How is her relationship with her family?

[Zaguy]

Thank you for being honest.

So she is close with her mother. doesn't talk to her brother at all and not really that close with her father. But she hasn't seen her in a long time because they say she is high risk with covid as she is a sales rep and sees lots of people every day. Dont know if this last part makes any difference. hasn't seen them for about 4 or 5 months now.

[Opinion Owner]

When you asked about the other guys she had sex with? Did she say she needed intimacy or just sex? If it is about intimacy rather than sex it can be about her family issues i think. You can talk with her to understand her fully. And you must say your needs clearly to her. And you are ready to have sex with her. So i think the right thing is talking everything clearly with each other. She wants to be with you so i think she tries to make you think that she will want live the sex in ‘’special’’ time as you stated. You can express your feelings and how she is special for you to her and mention your trust issues with her to solve this problem.

[Zaguy]

I really do appreciate your input 🙂. Thank you so much. I agree with you that I have to talk to her again about this I just dont know where to start because she really gets defensove when I start talking about this stuff with her and she feels like I am attacking her the whole time.

[Wester1967]

Gross. Leave dude. That’s awful. Some chud who doesn’t even respect her gets to smash but you have to wait? Run

[Zaguy]

Yeah I know. It sucks. I notice you are 54 though. Did you have similar experiences?

[Wester1967]

You bet. Before I figured it out. Do not accept second class treatment. Ghost. Block. Delete.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I know it can be hard I have the same thing happen to me

[Zaguy]

Thanks for letting me know I am not qlone on this.

So how did you go about?

[Opinion Owner]

I just ended up dating her without sex

[Opinion Owner]

Do you ever feel kind of jealous

[Zaguy]

Yes I do. Because sex is a special moment. And why did she want to have that moment with them and not me? I mean. Now even if we do get married and have sex then. I am just going to not feel as if it was special at all because she was willing to break her own boundaries with other guys but not me?

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah the waiting doesn't bother me at all it's knowing that she easily gave it to other guys but I have to wait for it

[Zaguy]

Also its not like I want her to have sex with ne. What bothers me is the fact that I do not even have the option when the other guys did. It just feels like she gave more of herself to them than me. You know what I mean?

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I do my girlfriend she's had a lot of casual sex partners but I don't get it until I marry her

[Zaguy]

I dont know man. It is really frustrating. How long have you been dating her for? And may I ask how pong before you two started dating was her last sexual encounter with another guy? Sorry for the personal questions but I see you are commenting as anonymous 🙂

[Opinion Owner]

A little over two years. Not long maybe a couple of weeks before we start dating

[IveGotNoName]

How long have you been together?

[Zaguy]

Hi there. We have been seeing each other seriously since Jan 2021 and we have been going out since March 2021

[IveGotNoName]

Well that's about 6 months you've been seeing each other more seriously, right? Seeing as she has had bad experiences with jumping into the physical side of a relationship too many times, maybe you should see it as a good thing that she wants to wait with you, kinda says that she feels differently about you than all those other guys

[Zaguy]

I really do appreciate a womans point of view on this.

So I feel like she was more than willing to drop all her values woth previous guys yes with me she took a firm stance and it just makes me feel like she was a lot more into them? Like she wanted to be intimate with them and not me? I am so confused as to how her head works at this point?

[IveGotNoName]

I understand how it looks from your point of view completely. But if I have to understand her side it's not because she was more into those guys, it was because she didn't actually care about those guys and there wasn't much feeling involved only the sexual part. She wants to do differently with you, because she feels differently for you than she has with any of those guys, and she herself says she wants to marry you one day, so it's undoubtedly a positive difference.

[Zaguy]

So what I am struggling to understand though... is that isn't sex a beautoful thing? Something you share with someone you love? Like she also dated them for 2 years etc. So she obviously had to have loved them? And they shared that beautiful intimacy. Thats wgats bothering me is the fact that they did it over and over but all those options are taken away from me? Like I am not allowed to do anything but kiss? So it really feels like she let them closer to her or trusted them more in order to be that intimate with them?

[IveGotNoName]

Yea, but those relationships ended, didn't they? So she decided to take a different approach with you. Not everyone sees sex as a beautiful or special thing, she might not always have seen it that way.

[Iron_Man]

Why didn’t you talk about this in the beginning

[Zaguy]

Hi Iron Man. So we did talk about this in the beginning. And I was happy not to be physical because I respected her beliefs and what she said. But when I found out abojt the guy she has been seeing like 15 days before me and I alsp found out she was physical with him it started to really bother me

[Iron_Man]

She didn’t put all of her cards out on the table. Sleep on this and follow your heart if it doesn’t work out then it’s meant to be that way

[Zaguy]

Thanks Iron man

[Iron_Man]

You’re very welcome my friend

[boggboss]

Sounds like you a fool for getting into a relationship with her then then not be happy with what she wants from the relationship

[Zaguy]

Your comment not helping at all.

[boggboss]

It does because hopefully it would make u think if this relationship is right for you as clearly u feel like she should have sex with you which you are not entitled to get if she wants to no longer have sex thats her choice the same way if u want to be in a sexless relationship thats your choice

[Zaguy]

You should just refrain from commenting. I do not feel she should have sex with me. As you will see in thebother comments I reapected ger decision but when the new evidence popped up It started bothering me.

[boggboss]

The only reason it would bother you is if you opinion to the matter has changed because she had sex a lot in the past and just before the relationship she should now no?

[Zaguy]

Yes my opinion has changed. And I feel like she literally just wanted to have fun woth those other guys. Which takes the speciqlity out of sex for me completely. And I can't help but think that even if we do get married and we have sex. Its just going to be another meaningless sex encounter for her. Which in turn turns me completely off from even wantong to be physical now. Thats why I posted my question.

[boggboss]

And thats my hole point if u feel this way she can't fix this as its somthing in your mindset the only fix is for you to change how u think or to leave that or stay and be unhappy are the only conclusions from this

[Nachowedgie]

Leave, she's wasting your time