Been dating a girl for nearly 2 years and nearly no intimate situations including sex. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Hello! So I've been dating this girl for nearly two years now. I absolutely love her and would do anything for her and i love spending time with her. To start this off i want to point out she is a virgin, and she isn't religious or waiting to get married. Anyways, for the time we've been dating I've been nothing but supportive in taking our time to actually have sex. As of lately we had a talk about the relationship getting boring and how i just stopped doing cute date/lovey things and thats why we haven't moved forward on actually having sex. She then openly said she was feeling uncomfortable with the fact that i wanted to get into her pants every time we hung out (it was on my mind quite a bit). Basically i apologized that I've stopped trying to do those things because it wasn't getting me anywhere. No intimacy what so ever... But i said i was wrong and said i would try harder. In return she try to be more intimate with us, and she agreed. Then for the next week things did start to get better with dates and intimacy. The following week she left for a vacation for 2 weeks with her sisters and when she returned i had a romantic night planned and it led to no intimacy and i didn't even try to initiate just because i am scared for her to feel like i want to just get into her pants... Anyways I've been working very hard on coming up with spontaneous adventures and date nights and she's complimented me on it, but ever since the following week to our talk she hasn't had any interests in anything intimate.. I've even tried to lead into something but zero interest.. Not sure what to do at this point.. Should i ask her about it and bring it up? Or just break up with her?

Forgot to add she's a huge workaholic, and its hard to make time for each other between both of us working 6 days a week. Also we are both 25 and i am not a virgin.

[Poppykate]

Don't give up on her. Two years is a long time to maintain your interest in someone. I think you need to tell her why you want to have sex with her. Many girls think that the only reason you want to have sex with them is for your own pleasure. You know.. hit it and quit it. A girl doesn't want to be another notch on your bedpost. You need to make it more about her!. Explain to her that you love her, and want to take the relationship to the next level. (Or even get her thinking in that direction). Talk about wanting to have a future with her etc.

[Asker]

Funny thing is I've done that. I've made it all about her and i have from the start. Even explained to her that i want to move forward with everything but she doesn't know why she is like this. We have also talked about having kids and getting married. Part of her fear of sex is due to her having type 1 diabetes and complications with being pregnant.

[Poppykate]

Ok. Then maybe what you need to do is go to the doctor. Find out the implications of the two of you having children. Type 1 diabetes shouldn't stop you from having children. And it definitely shouldn't stop you have a real relationship.

[Mahaim123]

that's not right dude... every healthy relationship needs sex

[Asker]

Yeah i completely agree too. I've never had this issue in the past.. Its completely weird..

[Asker]

Forgot to add. We are very much emotionally attach, even more than any other past relationships. but physically.. its a no go..

[Mahaim123]

sit her down & tell her straight that to want sex to connect with her more doesn't mean you're tryna get in her pants or whatever else & tell her that it's an important aspect of every long term relationship I mean how else are y'all gonna have kids in the foreseeable? it sounds to me like she's friendzoning you but I don't know...

[JakeHess]

You need to sit down and explain to her the importance of this, you can't go years without filling your needs like that. Tell her that you understand her concern, but you feel it's a bit unfair, also explain how you feel your advances have been shut down entirely, and how that feels.

Oh, there's probably a deeper explaination than I'm not comfortable with it. If not, well I'd say she needs to find one, but yeah

[Asker]

We've talked about it before and she is just unsure whats wrong with her. Now that im doing everything she said was wrong with no change its on her at this point.

[JakeHess]

If she is entirely unwilling, you might think about casual sex with another women. With her knowledge naturally. Just take care if you pose that, for obvious reasons.