- +1 y
No, you are not. I agree with you and this is asking for trouble. Unless she is someone who is not at all physically attractive, the temptation is always there. All it takes is a few drinks and an intimate conversation of how lonely she is, or how great she thinks he is and so on. Then one thing leads to another. I can understand better about going to see a friend you have known for 20 years, but going through that and possibly risking your new relationship to visit a friend you have only know for a few years is different. This is the problem with people who have to remain friends with every single person they have met in life. You don't need to have 500 friends and visit each one all the time. Many people really do not put their SO very high on the social ladder. They end up about the same or even lower than their 500 other friends. This is why you aren't going. You still rank equal or lower compared to his friends. Don't cut yourself short either. 6 months into a relationship is a long time. I would be putting my foot down and telling him no. Either you go too, or he doesn't. If he has a problem, then why is she so important? What is he hiding? If she is just a casual friend, then it should be no problem to just call her and say hi, or see her some other time.
12 Reply- +1 y
So do you demand that your wife or girlfriend only spend time socially with other women? That she is limited to only female friendships? That she has you in her life and only you? Because no one can be trusted? If so, that's a very limited and secluded life you are asking her to live. If you can't trust your S/O to spend a weekend with friends, then what you are saying is that you don't trust them at all. And if you can't trust them at all, why try to build a life together?
- +1 y
@MargaritaPeach "Hey hon, going to spend the weekend with my guy friend. Can't afford a hotel so I am going to sleep in his bed with him. You have to stay here too. Is the cool?"
Does that sound right to you? You have no problem with this? Let me tell you something about a lot of people on this planet... people suck and a lot of them CANNOT be trusted! I am not saying she cannot have guy friends, but staying over night at his place without me is a no go. If you think that is ok, you really need to grow up. Are you 40 or 14?
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- +1 y
Air mattresses are cheap, portable, and can fit pretty much anywhere with some clever maneuvering of furniture. They're also really good to have in general.
I've had similar situations and the agreement which tends to work best is this: 1) make every reasonable effort to sleep as separately as possible. When in doubt, there's always a couch, a chair, a floor. If this can't be done you aren't trying hard enough and I call bullshit. 2) disclose everything. If there is some detail from the visit which can't be shared - even if it means having to explain something innocent which might initially sound problematic - then you've gone too far.18 Reply- +1 y
This.
- +1 y
@MargaritaPeach Thanks! It does need to be an explicit agreement though. Too many relationships operate with all sorts of hidden agendas and expectations. Good luck. I'm sure it will go fine.
- +1 y
@Diamonddogz74 Agreed. There is also a lack of genuine trust in many relationships. If your partner doesn't have enough self control to be near a member of the opposite sex without sleeping with them, then they aren't ready for a relationship anyhow. Trust them, or break up. Living your life wondering is no way to live.
- +1 y
@MargaritaPeach BUT there are FACTORS outside trust and control. u should NOT put a guy around a girl, especially when u DONT know anything about them. for all u know she likes him. especially younger guys, even if they LIKE u, show them a pair of tits and they start getting aroused. this does not mean they want to cheat on u, but an aggressive girl can take advantage of this situation and then jump on ur guy. the guy can be confused as of what to do in this situation... not cheat on girlfriend or fuck cute chick. mean while chick is fucking ur boyfriend while guy tries to figure out what the FUCK is going on. im serious this is a legit problem. so something that started as a thing ur boyfriend did not START ended with ur boyfriend cheating on u because u allowed him to sleep over with a stupid bitch. DONT ALLOW IT. there is a reason people dont allow kids to sleep over. its not because parents are mean. dont be stupid people.
- +1 y
@MargaritaPeach another side to that is knowing yourself and being honest. Like I know that I can turn into a complete animal once a few lines have been crossed so I communicate that not only keep myself honest but also, in a very fun way, to give whoever I'm with keys to the cage, so to speak. Locks can also be unlocked. May as well let her know how to access it if she wants to see me at my worst for mutual benefit.
- +1 y
So, if I told you 'sorry I cheated on you, but he tempted me and I just couldn't stop myself', you would be okay with that excuse? I feel like humans are fully capable of a higher level of self-control than that. Exercise some self-discipline, or stay single, I say. I can control myself around hot guys all day; I expect the same out of him.
- +1 y
@MargaritaPeach that's not it at all. What I mean is that we should all know ourselves well enough to avoid that trigger point for temptation. I think where I wasn't making myself clear is how it can be used for mutual benefit. It's my responsibility to avoid crossing those lines outside of a monogamous relationship but if I communicate what those lines are to my girlfriend then I've just given her easy access to go from zero to 60 whenever she wants.
- +1 y
We are on the same page, then. Setting and adhering to boundaries is a critical part of self discipline.
- +1 y
Wow--so many people that responded to this question have zero faith in their partner's level of self-control. Does everyone just run around screwing like bunnies, completely prone to every sexual urge they have? Is self-discipline not even something people are expected to embody anymore?
22 Reply- +1 y
If your boyfriend or husband wanted to visit an old female friend, why are you not invited to go too? If it is going to be all innocent and she is such a good friend, why are you left out? You are way too trusting and obviously single.
- +1 y
@truthbeknown :) Not single. Been married to the same man for over 18 years, and we are still very happy. Too trusting? Maybe. I trust my husband without reservation. That doesn't mean I am foolish enough to think he will never screw up. He's human. But he's also a US Marine. He has taught me a great deal about discipline and self control; both mental and physical. I think not enough people practice controlling themselves these days. You don't have to be impulsive and foolish. You can practice self-mastery, and you can expect your S. O. to do them same.
- +1 y
I wouldn't be cool with that and I don't see myself ever having a desire to stay over at another guy's place. It just seems inappropriate to me. So no, I wouldn't but it goes both ways. I wouldn't do it to him either simply out of respect for him and our relationship :)
11 Reply- +1 y
her story is a bit different, she said it was "gays" and she has a house not some stupid 10 by 10 college dorm room. kind of totally different. i dont know her friends but some of my gay friends i tried to get them to go out with girls ;) hey i can try lol, and well they think pussy is gross lol. its a lot easier to trust someone u at least THINK is not chasing ur bf/gf in the middle of the night, and is in their own room. like for example i lock myself in my own room when i sleep. so u would have to break into my room to get to me. that would be no small feat, just to be shanked by me anyway lol. but yes totally differnt stories here, but u are right u would have to keep ur ear to the ground for "fairness" as he would be out to get u probably after this.
- +1 y
Ok, 1st of all your friend was gay, his friend is not. And he did not agree to sleep in different rooms. It is not really a matter of letting him, cause you are adults, but him seeing nothing wrong with that is weird to me. It would bother me, sorry...
00 Reply
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I completely understand why you're worried. Just make sure that you are talking to him everyday. If he gets mad that you want to check on him from time to time and refusing to talk to you about his day something might be up. Another than that, he's trying to save money. So just talk to him like you would any other day.
00 ReplyI don't think you are being unreasonable at all but since he already said previously that he expects you to be ok with it and assuming you agreed that doesn't put you in a very good position to bring it up as an issue now...
00 Reply1.8K opinions shared on Relationships topic. When has it even been just a "friend?" Like seriously? The same room, no separate bed, no separate room. Where the fuck is he going to sleep? Ontop of her 😒
12 Reply- +1 y
i was thinking the sleeping arrangements was going to be more like inside her ;)
- +1 y
@NexAngelus omg 😂
- +1 y
Maybe you should learn more about their story before being concerned. I wouldn't be ok with them sleeping in the same bed though.
01 Reply- Asker+1 y
him sleeping in the same bed as her is out of the question. if he does, we're over. Its disrespectful.
You should be honest with him. Ask him what his relationship is to this girl. Don't be openly jealous and pushy, be open and firm, but kind. If you're honest with him, he'll be honest with you. Also, don't be nagging him and forbidding him from doing it, just be honest.
00 Reply- +1 y
No that is asking for trouble she would wear something short and hot for bed
23 Reply- +1 y
he gets excited and POUNCE like a cat ;) on her prey lol... probably planned it all out already
- +1 y
He probably would
- +1 y
lol ment HER
- +1 y
Well, it wouldn't be letting him, my boyfriend will make his own choice :P But I wouldn't attempt to stop him from doing that, it's fine.
05 Reply- +1 y
girl its 2016... ur suppose to have a voice in the relationship didn't u hear? lol but no seriously why would u NOT want to have an opinion of something that WILL make u sad or happy. if u like someone and they cheat on u lets not sit around and pretend u are not going to cry all day in the corner for a week... we have all see the girls do it. and honestly it affects guys too we just do a much better job of hiding it ;).
- +1 y
@NexAngelus I do have a voice. At the same time, he is also allowed to have a voice and both of us are allowed to have our own choices. I am not willing to be told what to do by my partner and he is not willing to be told what to do by me. That's ridiculous, you don't get to tell your partner who they're allowed to speak to or who they can spend time with as if they're a slave or your child and you have control over them. My partner's a big boy, he can decide things for himself. I have enough trust in him to not think that he would cheat on me. If he does, his loss, he ruined a 9 year friendship to get his leg over someone else.
- +1 y
but if both of u have voices but neither of u will tell the other what to do... how does anything get done? its called priorites. half the stuff i dont care about, girlfriend tells me to do it i dont care so i do it. it makes her happy so i earn points for things i dont care about anyway. something major comes along i care about i will dig my heels in and tell her whats going on. as u put it we are not slaves and no one is going to stop someone, especially when the other is normally 2x the size of the other. now by luck or what ever, it seems that half the stuff i ask her to do like making a sammich ;) or cooking she really seems to enjoy and it makes me happy. there is not much that i want from her. so she can pretty much do anything she wants and be a happy little birdy. and when i do something she gets upset about or wants to really do something she digs her little fingernails into me and lets me know. and i have to let her do it one way or another because well... i just dont want to argue
- +1 y
ran out of space :( but was saying that with both of u not caring about half the stuff and only really caring about a small percent its not hard to stay happy and letting each other know whta u want with each other. neither of u should be jedi and mind readers. as long as u dont get mad over every little thing u will be fine.
- +1 y
@NexAngelus The whole point is not telling each other what to do. We both have voices - we can both voice what we think about a situation and ultimately come to a decision by talking it over together. Communication is important. My boyfriend gets his 'points' when he agrees to do what I ask of him which again - not telling him what to do, asking, respecting his ability to decide for himself, communicating, coming to a resolution without either one telling the other they have to do something.
You're misunderstanding. I am not saying that neither of us care about something but ultimately, you have to realise that you have no right to try to tell your partner what they can and cannot do. They are with you by choice, not necessity, and you should respect them.
You're right that there's no need to be mind readers because as I said, the most important aspect of our relationship is our ability to communicate, talk and decide together rather than force the other - no mind reading.
- +1 y
Girl what the fuck are you okay? This is trusting level 1000 im sure noone has reached that level girl geez that's crazy go start your car and follow him my advice
02 Reply- +1 y
waste of a weekend lol ooooor dont let him go ;) and to make it up come up with something cooler to do.
i did that once canceled some neat trip my ex planned and felt horrible so i had to come up with something neat for us to do to make it up to her... - +1 y
@NexAngelus ughh fine as you like
- +1 y
I would never let a girl sleep over at a guys house. If she loved me she wouldn't do it.
30 Reply - +1 y
You're being reasonable, and he shouldn't put you in that position, but it's still early in the relationship.
01 Reply- +1 y
I would be angry at my girlfriend if she asked me if she could sleep at some other dude's house. I wouldn't do that to her.
- Anonymous(30-35)+1 y
No your not. At the end of the day they shouldn't be sharing a bed.
00 Reply I would never ever ever let my man sleep in another hoes room
Noooo way
You should feel weird.12 Reply- +1 y
some people seem to think this is ok? i can't tell if they want some free pussy or they actually think its ok. mind blown. maybe they had parents that let them sleep over :( i always had to be sneaky growing up lol.
- +1 y
@NexAngelus lmao. Same
I don't get it
Guy+girl = friends
Sleeping in same room
Obviously shits gonna go down
Yeah you're being unreasonable
27 Reply- Asker+1 y
Thanks for the feedback. How so? I don't want to be this way.
- Asker+1 y
I think you're misunderstood. I haven't said he can't see her. I'm fine with him sleeping over and having women friends sleep over at his unless they're in a different room and bed. That isn't the case in this scenario.
- +1 y
punch ur boyfriend in the dick for trying to be a slippery weasle ;) that will teach him :) . maybe not, maybe he's being honest, but then u can't trust the chick. u def can't trust BOTH of them especially together!!! to small a space to confine tities and a dick.
- +1 y
lol NO dont be stupid!
10 Reply - +1 y
i don't think you are
00 Reply - +1 y
I think you have to trust him.
00 Reply - +1 y
If I knew her, yes.
If they had a history, no.00 Reply - Anonymous(30-35)+1 y
If you trust him
00 Reply - +1 y
nope.
00 Reply - +1 y
nope
10 Reply omg no!!
00 Reply
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