Boyfriend's last girlfriend was supermodel pretty. Am I the 'personality' girl?

[Anonymous]

Recently made things official with my boyfriend who I've been dating for a few months. He's really handsome, fit, kind, and just awesome overall, I'm super lucky. But I saw pictures of his ex for the first time the other week, and now I'm feeling uncomfortable. She was super pretty, on like a model level, like long slender legs, super small waist, 5 foot 7 inches tall. I made a comment about it, kind of laughing in a joking way, and asked why he let her go. He said she was kind of bitchy and they kept arguing by the end of their relationship (which was 2 years long).

So, I'm not nearly as pretty as her. I'm not ugly. I have good facial structure, long hair, blue eyes, a good fashion sense, and a decent ass. But I'm on the shorter side, and a bit overweight even though I workout and eat healthy, and not the prettiest body type. I also don't wear make-up because my skin is sensitive. So I feel a bit like he downgraded, and I said so. He told me I shouldn't be down about myself because this is different and my personality is much better than hers.

I don't know, I mean, I'm glad he likes my personality, but I also don't want to be the girl who he finds less attractive but just is better to be around. I want to be liked equally for my personality and my looks, and now I can't shake this inferior feeling. I know personality matters and all that. But I don't want my personality to be the thing he's dating me for. I've lost a lot of confidence, and I just don't know what to do or what to say to him to explain how I feel. What should I do?

[OlderAndWiser]

The insecurity is in you and he can't help you with that. Keep taking about it and it will become a problem.

Guys have a saying, "For every pretty girl walking down the street, there's a guy somewhere who got tired of having sex with her." (That's the clean version.) Beautiful looks can attract a guy's attention and draw him into a relationship for a period of time, but ultimately, it does keep a guy in a relationship.

Example, this guy was dating this girl

but he got busted for soliciting a skanky prostitute. And this guy was married to this girl

but got divorced when he was caught cheating on her.

They are both beautiful women but that wasn't enough to keep their partners at home. When you think many people are more attractive than you, it tends to become the excuse for your failures in relationships, but all guys really aren't so shallow that they will dump any girl for a better looking girl. Really. . . we aren't that shallow.

[Asker]

Yeah, I understand, but just I never really feel like he appreciates how I look too. All his girlfriends before me were on the much prettier side. I want to get over this, and just be fine that he's with me for my personality and that's enough to settle for my looks, but I can't seem to stop worrying that he'll dump me for the next girl with a good personality who is also really pretty, because I know there are plenty of them. He's had a very specific type up until now, and even his friends seem to think he downgraded, which makes me feel worse.

[BonzoInBitburg]

It's not about how you think you look, it's about how you look to him. I've dated models and my wife is much more beautiful to me. She doesn't wear makeup either and I prefer that. The best part is my house is peaceful. She is very easy to get along with and fun to do stuff with and that makes her look more attractive.

[Akam93]

Some guys don't need the prettiest girl. Especially is she was bitchy. He wants someone who won't treat him bad and that's you. Personality trumps looks.

[Asker]

Yeah, I do get that, but I also want him to find me attractive to, and it seems like he's only with me because my personality is nicer.

[Akam93]

I understand that I'm sure he finds you attractive or else he wouldn't be with you.

[Asker]

Thanks. I hope so

[Akam93]

Feel free to message me sometime.

[V_Injector]

Just be healthy... stop getting fatter, or at least don't develop that mindset that getting fatter is okay, because he's stuck with you. I've never understood women that just decide getting all fat and lazy is okay now just because of the relationship.

Shorter doesn't really matter to us guys also... I prefer Funsize over the chicks that are almost as tall as me.

Also, pay close attention to what he told you about her... she was bitchy. She probably knew it as much and you know she's hawt... and started taking that dude for granted because of it. It's okay to feel like you're the lucky one.

I always say a relationship is where 2 people meet each other halfway... but a lot of chicks get comfortable and they won't do shit. At least if you feel lucky, maybe you won't take him for granted like that.

Oh, and let your personality shine. I've met plenty of over-the-top hot chicks that start looking like retards or trash to me because of their mouth and actions. Also, consider she may of been fake. Did you imagine her without any fakeup and whatnot? You're a chick, you know deep down inside just how deceptive looks can be. I'm a dude and I've seen my share of hot chicks get out of their yoga pants and they look like smacked ass... saggy butt and the whole mess.

[firenine909]

Being dated for your personality is literally what dating is about. Most people like it when others appreciate who they are.


She’s hot but he said she’s bitchy and they broke up. Regardless of how hot she is, the relationship didn’t work because of her attitude (and likely other things)


Not 100% sure if you’re slightly overweight or have a tummy bulge but your appearance sounds more cute. You should take pride that he likes you for who you are and shouldn’t compare yourself with her

[Asker]

I agree loving each other's personalities is super important. But we also want to feel like our partners are attracted to us, right? His type up until now has been all pretty similar. Super slender, really gorgeous girls, so I'm concerned that he's only interested in my personality and doesn't actually find me beautiful too. And that as soon as a better-looking girl who also has a good personality comes along, he'll pass me over.

[firenine909]

Has he been having sex with you? Most guys won’t love having sex unless he finds you hot

If he’s just looking for sex he might pass you up but that would mean he’s a bad news sort of guy. If he’s a good natured man he’ll love you for your sweet character and wouldn’t want to move apart from you.

If he loves you he won’t leave you like that

[Asker]

We haven't had sex yet, as I'm not super experienced and want to take the physical side carefully, especially now.

[firenine909]

That’s fair. If he acts very close to you then I think it’s because he likes you. Good news is you don’t have to worry about being pretty to impress him

[lightbulb27]

attraction isn't just physical, it's emotional. sounds like he's going as far away from the prior memory as he can. you don't remind him of her, and that's a good thing. start fresh, and stop worrying and doing to him what he doesn't want... creating drama for not a good reason.

[Asker]

Yeah, I really want to do that, but I also want to feel like he thinks I'm beautiful too. I'm just not convinced that the only reason he's with me is because I'm mature, nice, and not full of drama.

[lightbulb27]

ah yes, makes sense. maybe takes some communication to solve.

[Asker]

Yeah, just trying to decide how. I don't want to approach it in a way that makes me seem super whiny and insecure (because I am secure as a person, just not in my looks) and because I'm worried he only wants me for my personality, I'm worried if I start an argument he'll change his mind about me😅👍

[pethouse]

Beauty fades and he probably realized that. Besides just because someone who’s good looking doesn’t mean they’re worth more than someone else.

[Asker]

I know, but I want to be liked for my looks too, not just my personality. I mean, wouldn't you want your partner to think you're attractive? Now I feel unattractive to him, especially as all his previous gfs were all the same specific type. I'm glad he likes my personality. I like his, after all, but I also think he's super handsome.

[pethouse]

Trust me if he didn’t like your looks he wouldn’t be with you. Most people and again I mean MOST. Like 95% of people or more would not date someone they weren’t physically attracted too.

[Asker]

Yeah, but whenever he talks about what he appreciates about me, it's never anything physical. I hate feeling insecure, but I'm just starting to feel ugly and like the girl he;s settling for just because he can't find a better looking one who's also nice.

[pethouse]

Like I said if he didn’t think you were physically attractive in anyway he wouldn’t be with you. He probably only compliments you for your personality so you don’t get the idea that he’s with you for sex.