Why don't girls say what's on their minds?

Question

Ladies,... I have been on this site for a while. I have also read through a lot of questions, and something I notice in a lot of questions, is that you don't tell your man how you feel.

"How do I tell my guy that I am ready?"

"How do I let him know that I want him to ask me out?"

"How do I get him to know that I want him to kiss me?"

etc. etc.

There are so many questions that you have about how to get your guy to know what you are thinking so he can do what you want him to, or get him to answer your question, without you ever actually having to ask a question.

Is it a confidence thing? Fear? Manipulation? Or, and be honest, do you not even realize that you do this a lot?

I was really curious about this so I appreciate any ladies comments on this.

marisa · Accepted Answer

Check the age group on some of those questions as well. Teenage girls are often going through everything for the first time so they aren't exactly sure about their footing. Plus, when you're younger, friends and enemies make such drama out of the silliest things that if you say something you shouldn't, you have to hear about it and live with it for weeks. As you get older and you've made an ass out of yourself a few times and realized the world didn't stop spinning, you grow more courage and improve your communication skills.

I do see some people on here who are simply trying to play games and, presumably, have nothing better to do than screw with friends, bf's, bff's, gf's, every1 else and wateva. ;) But most of the time, these questions are asked innocently and without intent to harm.

I used to babysit my nephew when he was around 4 or 5. I'd try to teach him how to play games and draw things on the computer. He'd stumble around like an idiot. I'd say, "click on the paint brush" and he'd move his mouse around...looking for it...having no clue. In my head I'm thinking, "OMG, it's SO OBVIOUS, it's right there in front of your face, just select it and draw your stupid fire truck."...Of course it wasn't obvious or intuitive for him yet, he was just a little kid and he needed more practice...

Now, he beats me at every game and creates artwork I couldn't do if my life depended on it. And, uh, he's 12 years old. Now he'll be like, "Duh, just click on the warp-speed-gold-machette-4500 and travel through the worm hole to the princess of galactic utopian society to conquer the fifteen warrior demons with your super power X fire quadrant in the seventh sector blah blah blah, DUH!"

I got a bit carried away there...point being, I think these questions originate from lack of experience, asked by younger people that have not yet gone through the joy, sorrow, heart-wrenching pain and pure ecstasy that is love.

A-R-Norman · Accepted Answer

I dunno--there are far too many negative connotations that people apply to aggressive or upfront women. The B word comes to mind. At one point, I was shy about voicing my now thoughts and opinions on the basis it wasn't lady like--but when I started opening my mouth up, I did meet up with a "who does she think she is" attitude, or whatever--and it wasn't like I was being mean or acting like a jerk either, it was just the very idea that I was expressing my own needs and wants that pissed people off for some reason.

People don't like what they perceive to be "aggressive" female behavior. Case in point--Alannis Morisette wrote a song called You oughta know about her OWN feelings over a break up and was called a man hater by a lot of guys, even though her other songs were spiritual or positive. I even heard a radio announcer call another female rocker an "angry chick", when men who write songs about their B- girlfriends aren't called "angry male rockers'...women are made to feel as if being up front or going after what they want is wrong for a woman to do, that it's a male domain. I got past it and now I don't care what any one says in regards to what I want for my own life--but I had to get past societal conditioning and expectations--and yes, I have met some men who think a woman is desperate if she is too upfront--have heard it from women too.

If people can just accept that it is okay for a woman to really express herself, even if she is angry or aggressively pursues her desires, maybe women wouldn't be so afraid to speak up...

StlMissJ · Accepted Answer

The same reason guys do not say what is on theirs.......

Oh and by the way our mothers told us not to be with men upfront...that men do not like it. So either Mom was lying or someone somewhere got that wrong a long time ago. Besides a lot of men could not handle what is going on behind the scenes in a girls mind. It would take a lot of the fun out of the getting to know you better dance anyway, and who wants that? Not to mention that men are not that upfront with what is on there mind or intentions either. So walk the walk and maybe she will follow, that is if you want to be upfront and direct in your relationships. But do not ever expect a woman to give up what is on her mind first. It is not lady like and unrealistic. You guys would not like that anyway. We would tell you to not to wear funny looking "orange" shoes in public(inside joke)....and crazy stuff like that....lol!

And, if you are a guy and cannot tell a girl is into you or wants a date, a kiss, or anything else....I don't know what to tell you....

PureFury · Accepted Answer

I noticed this too. It's not exclusively ladies, some guys have asked questions where the obvious answer was just ask, but it is generally more centered around ladies. It seems like instead of telling us what they are thinking they would rather come here and ask about how many different little games they can play to find out what they want to know without ever having to let the guy know they were curious.

Sometimes when I think a girl in my life is trying to manipulate me into doing something or thinking something, ill ask her if that's what she's trying to do, they deny it all and usually start to think I'm an ass lol

guy-with-a-brain · Accepted Answer

wow this is stupid, why is everything based on gender its not just women. Can you not face the fact its both men and women its jsut your brain. Everything doctors say that is gender based is absurd. Men just do not go out and say that they are like this though they know they are. They need to act like men and try to be strong. IT would take there manhood away if they say there feelings are like how the girls are but in fact everyone is the same in life. Just personalities are different they are what makes a person not gender. shit nigga

Anonymous · Answer

I am a very open person.  There are no problems with me expressing how I feel or what I want.  I tend to be a little too open at times and it scares people.  This is how I have been my whole life.  As my friend would tell me, I am very good with words and am able to get my point across without ever having to ask for anything, point blank. However, I am also the person that will come straight to the point when I want something.  I think there are times when guys like to play on the fence and if a girl asks for something, they decide most of the time that they don't want to committ to something.  There is also the part where they do act like they have no idea what you are saying.  This I find the most interesting. In the end, men remember just as much as women.  So, when they are ignoring what was said or just changed the subject, at another time, you can bring up something you know was said  and they can verbatim tell you about it.  This is very aggravating and confusing to women.  Women are confused and don't ask what they want because men like to act as if it not important to them time after time.  So if every man was honest and just came out with what they want and what they don't, it would make the whole dating process alot easier for both parties.   I love the games as much as any guy does, but there are times when it really does mess up the relationship you are trying to have with the other person.  I do have to say you are the man though.  I love your article on how to tell if a guy likes you.  Very insightful....  I like it when mine decides to show off for me while playing guitar hero, that is the best and brings a smile to my face no matter how my day has gone...

EmilytheNukeE · Answer

I think it's a fear of rejection. If you don't ask it straight out, you won't get a "no", and you've still got that hope. It's easy to ask something that you're sure of the answer to. There's also (for me) the question of how to word the question so that it actually conveys what you're trying to ask. The male mind and the female mind typically process things differently, so the girl wants to make sure her meaning is clear.

Obviously it's different for everyone, but no one likes rejection or getting the answer they really didn't want.

LadyLush · Answer

Because when we say what is on our minds outright all guys seem to hear is blah blah blah. Like if they do not want to hear it they do not so we look for other ways to get through to them.

Usually our first approach or mine anyway is to say what is on my mind however when that does not get me anywhere (which usually it really does not) I choose other ways. It's like guys do not say what is on their minds hardly ever they do not want to talk about things or their emotions for sure so we have to figure it out for ourselves most of the time.

No fear no manipulation not a confidence thing. More a thing of getting our point across.

TheyCallHerDaisy · Answer

It's because we don't know what you guys are thinking and so we're afraid you guys are not thinking the same and we make a fool of ourselves or get hurt..

So we try our best to get the guys to do the work and ask us out and stuff..because I mean that's the guys job..stereotypically..but it's how it works in all of our brains, what's there to do? :P

I think we should all work on being more upfront..but almost all of us want a Cinderella story..and for the guy to take the lead.

But they never get the message so it usually blows up in our face.

A-R-Norman · Answer

Women are still raised, despite societal changes, to be more submissive- a woman isn't supposed to be aggressive yada, yada...so, in this respect, I think it can also be societal conditioning coupled with individual fears.  I have always been very straightforward, so I don't really understand it myself...

hapa18 · Answer

Fear of rejection or the consequences of telling him. Like some people may not be afraid of telling a guy that they like him because of rejection, but if he doesn't feel the same way, it may ruin the relationship that they currently have. (ex/ they're friends and the friendship becomes awkward or ends)

Lovin-laughter · Answer

LOl.  Most of the time women do this because they don't want to get embarrassed about asking.    Like when their trying to say I don't like you they don't want to say it in a mean way because they don't want to hurt them.  They are scared they'll say it wrong or something.  Girls hate having people get mad at them.  So if they can avoid it they'll do anything they can to.

tammymac · Answer

Fear of rejection for the most part.  We like to analyze things to the point where we are too afraid to actually do them because weve thought of all the possible ways it could go wrong. No one likes to be rejected. But your right we do it without even realizing what we are doing for the most part.

Pinkfloyd-is-sweet · Answer

Hmm... I know with me, I'm confused alot of the time, because no guy has ever liked me and I don't know why! I always feel like I'm doing something wrong! I guess it is kind of a low self esteem thing! I think with me though I wouldn't have that problem if someone would give me half the chance!

classic-chic · Answer

Simple answer:

When we say most things we feel, men get scared off or decided they are going to change their minds about how they feel...its a fact of life but not necessarily true for every man or woman.

kakugoshiya · Answer

* it's just that its not feminine to bluntly state these things to a guy.

* we want them to feel that they want to do "those things" too

for me, I think that he will just be doing what I asked him to do without really thinking about it just like a robot you command.

f15x28 · Answer

A must read regarding this topic: "You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation" by Deborah Tannen.

JeVousAime · Answer

A simple fear of rejection. It's not just the girls either, many guys to tend to wish on a partner to "make the first move" and such. =]

Sweetfeetpeet · Answer

It's not just girls, man guys go though this, too. We all experience it at some point.

meangirl101 · Answer

You're so right and yes it's fear...a fear to be shot down.

whutthehuack · Answer

Before I start, I'm a Female. I fear rejection and I personally think that being so straight-forward isn't feminine at all. So, normally, I kept it to myself .

Why don't girls say what's on their minds?

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