Do guys like being called out on their sh*t (blatant mistakes like forgetting a date, etc)?

[Anonymous]

If you (GUYS) make a mistake, do you want a girl to call you out then get over it or do you prefer the girl to say "don't worry about it"?

[Anonymous]

It's not about if they "like" it, it's what should be done. If you don't call someone out on their behavior they will keep doing it to you. Saying "don't worry about it" is a p**** ass copout and girls who do that are usually doormats who get played. If he forgets a date that he planned with you, it's not acceptable it's disrespectful of your time. If you don't get an apology and sincere remorse for his behavior then how much does he respect you? What you put up with in the beginning shows how your relationship will be in the long run. Guys do not respect weak girls who let them do whatever to them. You are not a bitch for calling someone out for disrespecting you. The only guy who will think that is someone who just wants some easy girl to use.

Now if they are just harmless mistakes that anyone could make, I would mention it in an offhand way. But standing you up isn't one of those harmless mistakes, he probably doesn't really like you that much.

Also a guy inviting you over to play video games with him? that is lame as hell. he can't take you out on a real date? You could play video games with your little brother, if he wants to be in your life romantically then he needs to step his game up and no offense but you should step your standards up. Video games are fine if you're already comfortable with each other but in the getting to know you stages? Come on...

[igle_0]

I cannot believe people - especially other girls - were saying you were too harsh. Absolutely not! He invited you over & then wasn't there? There is something wrong with that. You should have stood up for yourself like you did. I'm proud of you! And if he was sincerely sorry he would do something to make up for his mistake - and not just apologizing. So many people just apologize for show. And so many girls let things like this slide because they want to be the 'cool' girl. Mm no. Being the cool, chill girl, who lets everything slide, means you get trampled on. I'm all for understanding and forgiving and love but... you're probably a great person who should be respected and cherished not used as a part-time, whenever-he's-free girlfriend. Best of luck!

[xxAdrianna]

I'll answer with how I deal with stuff with my boyfriend. Most of the time when he makes random "mistakes" I say "no worries" because it really doesn't bother me...girls who lose their sh*t over a guy making meaningless slip ups are crazy. My boyfriend rarely says or does something that doesn't sit well with me, and when he does then I'll say something but I won't go ballistic.

[Asker]

You're so pretty! Thanks for answering my question. Okay so this guy ask me to go over to his place to play video games with him which I was cool about but when I got there he wasn't there. I called him and apparently he forgot.

I FB messaged him (after he messaged me):

"You stood me up without even a notice. I don't appreciate that.

Good luck with everything and I hope you get that magna come laude."

Reading it over, it seemed a little bitchy but I don't want him to just treat me this way.

[xxAdrianna]

Haha thank you! :) Hmm that's pretty lame for him to do. I think in that instance it's okay to say what you did, if it was your boyfriend who did it then I would have handled it differently but since it wasn't..

Oh and what does "magna come laude" mean? Haha.

[wordenalma]

Definitely, it's not healthy to let every little thing bother you, if some big issue comes up and you're able to talk about it and understand each other it can help you grow as individuals and as a couple, if he's not mature enough to talk about it he's not ready for a grown up relationship anyway.

[VeritablePlethora]

haha bitchy way to put it but absolutely reasonable reaction. just ignore it and make him come to you to apologize. If you bring it up again, you'll solidify his image of you as a bitch.
If you're gonna call a guy out, pretend like it's a joke that you're just ribbing him with. He won't get mad, and it'll still get the point across

[Asker]

how should I salvage this? ;P

[VeritablePlethora]

Let it sit for a bit, when he brings it up pretend to be really hurt about it and then just laugh it off. Jokingly pointing out bad behaviors is far more effective. He doesn't feel judged, and he still gets the point.

During your conversation, suggest meeting up again, and then tell him you'll kick his a$$ (jokingly of course) if he stands you up again. This'll show him that he can still salvage the situation.

[Asker]

Whoa what a good answer, thanks!

[wordenalma]

Yeah I agree. If you approach him politely and in a nice way, if he cares for you he will listen. He will take note and do better next time. Some people have attachment issues and it's important to understand that if you want to be in a healthy relationship. Communication is key but nobody wants to be criticized or attacked. If you have an issue with someone you're dating it's best to be polite loving patient and understanding and if they care about you they will do the right thing next time, if not then they're not the right person for you.

[Shaun]

Instead of having the mindset of "calling him out on his sh*t", be prepared to actually be the one in the wrong.

[Asker]

Thanks for answering! If you have time, would you read my comment to "xxAdrianna" and comment a little more? THanks again! :)

[Shaun]

In that case you have to call him out on standing you up. I personally wouldn't tolerate it. One warning, if it happens again, the person is down the road.

[Asker]

Thanks again. I re-posted my question because I think this one isn't getting to what I really want to know.

I appreciate your response :)

[wordenalma]

I call my boyfriend and I owed on things all the time. He not only appreciates it, he respects me for having a standard and holding him to it. For example if he says he's going to do something and then doesn't follow through I will call him on it.

Oftentimes it will lead to a deeper conversation about vulnerability or communication or emotional issues, he used to blame circumstances and many other things, eventually this led to a conversation about attachment issues and communication issues, which led to both of us understanding each other better.

Overall this has made our relationship more fulfilling and intimate on so many levels. I don't think it's so much that a man likes to be called out on things but if you just say it's all right when it's not then you're not showing any initiative or spine and it doesn't show that you want to put any effort into the relationship so why would he?

I'm not a man but I guess like anyone, a healthy person understands that a healthy relationship requires accountability and digging deeper, instead of just accepting behavior as good or bad, to try to understand what's underneath it is what's going to bring a couple closer and deeper into understanding one another.

Love takes Time to unfurl, it's more than just a feeling. It's accepting all parts of one another and learning and growing together.

When a man is ready for a true connection he's going to want to partner that challenges him and makes him want to be a better man and grow as a human being intellectually spiritually emotionally, financially etc... if a partner just says "it's all right" when it's not, that shows that she doesn't care and she doesn't have standards and she doesn't respect herself.
And any man that is attracted to a woman like that just wants to take advantage or find someone to abuse so it's not a good picture for either of them.

[wordenalma]

*call my boyfriend out, typo

[slipslender]

:/ it does come across a bit harsh, but he did make a mistake...i think it's better to be honest rather than to pretend that it was okay with you.

[Asker]

Hee hee, its harsh isn't it? Thanks for answering!

[slipslender]

np :)

[Anonymous]

When you pass 40, you begin to accept correction.