Does this girl know that I have a crush on her?

[Anonymous]

There is this girl at work who I have a crush on which causes me to get really nervous around her.

I think she noticed that I get nervous because she has asked me twice why I get nervous around her. The first time she asked I didn’t really say anything to her because I didn’t know what to say.

A week or so later I was eating lunch and she sat next to me. Again, I got nervous and she picked it up and asked me why I get nervous. I said “I don’t know, I don’t go out much”. She then “So you're introverted”. Then she asked me if I don’t have a girlfriend and I said that I don’t.

The next day we were playing “Never have I ever” at our office and one that she brought up was: “Never have I ever had a crush on a coworker in this room”. No one raised their glass (which means “I have” in the game).

The next 2 questions for the game got kind of sexual, so I didn’t raise my glass because I never did any of that stuff. The girl told me during the game “(My name), you can open up, I had a few expectations from you” while smiling and I didn’t know what to say.

Am I overthinking this or does she know that I have a crush on her?

[QuietVerbena]

She knows. She might even like you back.

[Asker]

Oh alright, how do I know if she likes me back?

[QuietVerbena]

She’s flirting with you. Play along. She if she keeps acting flirty.

[QuietVerbena]

See if she

[Asker]

Sorry but I don't know how she is flirting. Can you point out what she did is flirting?

[QuietVerbena]

What she said to you

[Asker]

Oh you mean the girlfriend part. Out the nervousness part?

[QuietVerbena]

Both

[Bellona]

she knows you have a crush on her!

[Asker]

Is that bad for me?

[Bellona]

Well, it is not bad if you want her to know, but if you are worried that she does not as you could write her a note a work 'do you want to hand out?' or something like that. Or if you find the courage you could just ask her but make it short so you do not get too nervous. But I think she likes you because if she did ask" Never have I ever had a crush on a coworker in this room” for the game. if she did not like you, she would think it is weird and avoid you and not play that game unless you know that she is the type to play with someone's feelings, you have to make the judgement of her character herself.

[Asker]

Hm i see, thanks for the detailed answer. I’ll see what i can do

Do you think her asking me about getting nervous and the girlfriend stuff is also a sign?

[Bellona]

Well asking why you are nervous can mean she cares for you in a friendly way (does not mean she likes you). But because she asked whether you have a girlfriend it probably means that she is interested in you, I mean I would not ask a guy if they have girlfriend if I did not like them, unless I knew them for a long time and if we were close friends. so if you did not know that girl for long it means she is interested.

[Asker]

I haven't known her for that long. Around 4 months, and we talked like 3 times in that time duration.

[Bellona]

Yes well her behaviour around you only within 3 times of talking to you shows that she is interested. Personally it takes a couple of days for someone to charm another, so if she is flirtatious only within 3 days it must mean she thinks you’re really attractive.

But if you want to get closer to her you need to make your move NOW because if I was in her place and I liked a dude and if he did not make a move I would feel sad because it has been 4 months and he has not asked me out yet. I would think maybe he did like me and that maybe he does but has other priorities or that he thinks he has no chance if me as he knows my family wouldn’t approve. In this case if I was the girl I would try to move on and not waste my time waiting for a guy I like who takes no action as from the girls pov it can be heartbreaking. ( some girls would never ask the guy first so you should try think if she is a feminist or not because if she is she would ask you unless she is shy).

[Asker]

In your first paragraph, i think you might have misread. All of it didn’t happen in 3 days, it was more like over 2-3 weeks.

As for the second paragraph, i wouldn’t say she’s shy. She’s pretty outgoing and confident.

[Bellona]

Well anyways I figured that the 3 days were not all day after day but the advice that I provided is still relevant because if you said now those 3 days were within 2-3 weeks then that means she has not had to time to lose interest/ hope in you. (I am assuming that you have not spoken to her recently because you met her at work?) well anyways I know she likes you so you should ask her out before it is too late because it is better regretting something to did than something you did not do (or too late). Yet, you could just start off by asking her to hang out before confessing or confess on the day since she is confident and maybe she found interest in someone else during the time she was not with you, assuming she hangs out with people often. By asking to hangout or even if a group thing if you are too nervous then you can test weather she is flirtatious like before and then you could make your move. Or frequently ask to hangout so you feel more confident asking her out, she might even ask you out if she notices that you want to put in the effort to hang out.

[Asker]

Hmm i see.

I’m just not sure if she likes me back, it’s hard to tell. I would definitely ask her out if I knew that she even liked me to begin with. I don’t want to get hurt that’s all.

I forgot one thing to tell. After the “never have i ever” game she called me and said to come with her into another location, which was somewhere private.

There we had a discussion about something serious that happened at work with a girl. During the conversation she first grabbed my upper arm, and a bit later while talking she put her hand on my tummy. When she did the tummy thing i got really nervous and leaned back so that her hand didn’t touch me there anymore, but she just leaned into me again so her hand touched my tummy again. She was also super close, like 1 foot away. Someone else came in and she moved back.

Again, i can’t tell if she is just confident and hence just a touchy girl. I haven’t seen her be touchy with other coworkers so I’m not sure what’s happening but i dont want to jump to conclusion and then look like a fool.

[Bellona]

Yes her actions do honestly suggest that she likes you, especially if she’s not like that with the other co workers. So her actions can either be that she likes you or that she’s messing with you. Life’s too short, I know it’s hard for nervous people to gain confidence but if you never do anything about it you might lose your chance.

[Asker]

I’ll have to check for sure to see if she’s a touchy girl. I know though that she’s pretty confident and outgoing so she might be.

In my mind what’s going on is “if she likes me why won’t she ask me out?” because I have doubts about whether she wants to even go out, and is attracted in the first place. I know that girls on average don’t ask guys out but still. Maybe its wishful thinking.

I have major confidence issues tbh and I can’t even look girls in the eye sometimes when they talk to me, especially when its someone i like.

Sometimes what happens is that at the hallway she will look at me while passing by and I just look down.

[Bellona]

Yes I know what it is like to have confidence issues in your circumstances - it’s tough. I guess time will tell if she likes you you. Good Luck!

[Asker]

Thanks