Why does my mom put me down constantly?

Question

I am a 22 year old female. I have a passion for art and creative stuff. I love doing animation, photoshoots, and I film myself in little music videos because i find it fun and it is a hobby of mine outside of work. I work constantly and am really stressed in life. This is literally how I express myself. Several people have liked my stuff I put out online and have actually come to me in person to tell me that I do really good work. My mom doesn't like art and finds it pointless. Everytime she sees one of my photoshoots, she rolls her eyes and says, "that's pointless. You're never going anywhere with that." And she pulled up one of my music videos and said, "I would be embarrassed to post something like this where everyone can see it. Your videos are retarded." And anytime I show up at an event wearing something that i think is pretty, she puts me down for it and says its stupid and asks me why i can't just dress like a normal person. I feel so ugly and belittled. Just because it's not her style, she has to make me feel like shit? Why? And she is the only person who ever insults me like this for my creative stuff and the way I dress. Everyone else says my outfits are cute and says I have beautiful photoshoots. Why can't she keep the hurtful comments to herself? Or are my hobbies and outfits actually bad and she's just trying to look out for me? Maybe everyone else is just sugar coating shit so I dont get discouraged and depressed?

quaranta · Answer

You don't need to get suicidal. Before that, you are an adult and could suggest family therapy (paid by yourself), so that the psychologist will for sure point the finger against the bad parenting of your mother. This is in case you get really suicidal.

Trying to understand your mother, probably she notices you are an adult but are not following a traditional path that she culturally approves as "useful" or "promising". Probably she wouldn't belittle you if you did traditional jobs that belong to her generation, that proven to be useful, stable and profitable. Art, objectively, was, and still is, an experimental path and its success requires a lot of effort before giving the same perks of traditional jobs. I come from a traditional art background too, which now I transformed in something else still related to art but mostly technical and with a big market. All I did before, like many others, is freelance commissions, that were very far from granting a decent "salary", monthly. The fact you work a lot doesn't matter, I can work a lot in my hobbies as well, but if you can't make enough, and stable, money, your mother won't get convinced, and what you do won't exit from the "hobby" area.

To get a compromise between the two you could get a much more serious and professional path about what you do, supported by a school, a long term course, university and whatnot, landing on some specialization (photoshoot for something specific, that requires specific equipment and situations). Photographers who got out from the hobbyist area exist and are paid enough but they went really serious with their stuff, got software licenses, got high-end equipment and got to know the type of customers/projects of their specific targets, have their portfolio website consistent with their specialization, other than knowing a lot of other colleagues doing the same career, perhaps met during study or work.
It's up to you to decide if you want to go professional (then you start) or to keep it like a hobby (and start another career path).

jayhams · Answer

She is immature and hasn't dealt with any of her trauma so that is one of the ways it manifests.

Why does my mom put me down constantly?

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