Girls, Why does it feel like my crush is acting cold or avoiding me? Did she already found out that I have a crush on her?

[hopelesspessimist19]

I got this friend (girl) whom I started developing a crush on and we are chatting normally, but it suddenly feels like she's acting cold towards me. We have been interacting normally for the last few months/weeks;and sure I may act extra nice towards her like doing her favors, baking cookies etc but I always make sure that she won't notice, perks of being a people pleaser I guess lol? I don't know if I did anything wrong or she finally found out about my crush for her, but there's this weird feeling that she's trying to distance herself away from me both in chats and when hanging out around our friend circle.

[Tephra]

From my experience being a people pleaser myself, as well as being at the receiving end of a people pleasers behaviour, it can come across as needy. Needy is an emotion most girls and guys tend to avoid, because we do think there is something wrong with them. Not saying you may have something wrong with you, it is quite normal to admire a girl who you develop feelings for, however going out of your way to MAKE her like you or seem likable can be a bit of a mood killer for any relationship.

Being a people pleaser itself can leave you open to being taken advantage of, stepped on emotionally and mentally and bring your self esteem down. It's nice to be kind, but be kind and nice to those who give the same back or at least proven to you they deserve your kindness. This includes family, friends, peers, coworkers etc.

Relating back to your crush, she may have figured out that you either have a crush on her, and coming on too strong, OR she finds the people pleasing a bit too much, may even push her away.

Though, the relationship between you guys is salvageable, you can prioritise your goals, hobbies, interests and other friendships and continue to show interest her as a somewhat last priority. Do not throw your whole life out the window for 1 person, you may become resentful, and do not feel this way. Being kind and thoughtful is the most precious gift you can give to anyone. But not to just anyone, even your crush! Give her a "trailer" of what you could offer her.

Other than this, you cannot make her like you. Simply keep things platonic and find someone else who will like you for you

[hopelesspessimist19]

That's just how I grew up I guess, it may also stem to my low self-esteem which got even more lower due to also being rejected in the past.

[SueShe]

Yes, she suspects that you are heavily crushing on her and since the crush is not reciprocated, she is distancing herself from you. She sees probably nothing more than just a friend and by acting that way, she clearly indicates that you have crossed a boundary.

Simply give her the distance she needs and don't try to get closer. If you want something from her, then you have to make it clear to her but you also have to expect a rejection. At least you would know for sure where you stand if you confess to her that you have a crush on her.

[hopelesspessimist19]

I'm not really planning on confessing not because I'm afraid of being rejected but because I know that if I confessed my feelings , the relationship/bond that I formed with this person will be ruined. I don't want the two of us to be all awkward, guess I came on too strong huh?

[SueShe]

Yes, the usual result when you confess to a person that is not reciprocating is that you lose your friendship.

[Nikki1989]

What do you call chatting normally?

There is something missing from this story.

[hopelesspessimist19]

Sorry if it's a little bit vague but what I meant by chatting normally is talking about homeworks, witty banters , asking for help about something, things friends normally talk about. Although sometimes I try to get to know her better by asking things like"what's your favorite food or color" or talk about things we like in common anime, games, books things like that.

[Wild_princess]

Don't stress and overthink too much

[Anonymous]

She may be shy or you may be overthinking

[hopelesspessimist19]

I don't know if she's shy or not since she's very extroverted or maybe I'm just overthinking things, but these weird feeling still persist.