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So few days ago I started to see my long-distance girlfriend looked a bit cold in our conversation. One day she cancelled our phone call schedule when I asked if everything was okay she said to me no but I don't have to worry. I asked what was going on, but she refused to tell me. The morning after that I managed to call her she answers the phone we had a little bit a chat but once again she said she's not in the best mood right now but refused to tell why, she said has to do it alone and it has nothing to do with me.
She said I can text her, and she'll respond but don't expect for now to be like it used be. I said I can't have the feeling to be too clingy by to sticking around and keep texting her if she doesn't give back the same energy and she said she understands if I don't text her and not to be worry. The day after she texted me to check up on me, and I said I was fine and she can contact me if she's ready to do so.
So my question should I wait until she phone call me? Let her initiate the conversation or sometimes text her to check up on her too?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
0Opinion
Does she have any disorders? Asperger’s, autism?
No she doesn't at least not in my knowledge.
Oh man, I thought that would be why she’s asking for distance because I know people with either disorders or severe depression sometimes need space. So if she doesn’t have that then honestly it looks bad on her. Yes people need space sometimes, but she’s a girlfriend, she doesn’t get to check out for days on end with no reason. Long distance relies on communication, without it your relationship will tank. Maybe she isn’t suited for an LDR.
She told she had depression one time, but I don't understand if it is the case right now, why doesn't she tell me so? It's a little bit frustrating for me to not able to do anything, especially when we pretty much talked about anything in the past. If it was a family related issue, she could have told me so without too much detail I'd understand but the fact she doesn't say anything except '''it s not something you did'', for me it feels like it maybe not something I did but clearly what bothers her right now could affect us. I don't know maybe I'm thinking too hard.
You’re not thinking too hard, you’re questions and concerns are valid. I want to be honest here as someone who has been in 3 LDRs in my past: if you don’t have a plan to close the distance then the relationship will eventually fall apart if it isn’t already. Her behavior to me feels distant, and not because of anything you did but just the situation. LDR isn’t meant for everyone just because of how taxing it can be mentally and emotionally. It’s very disheartening to want to spend time with your partner, hug or kiss them and literally cannot. It’s functional in the beginning when everything is new, but without a solid plan to move closer or together completely then the distance will become too much. When you speak of how she’s acting, I sense a distressed woman struggling with the dynamic of your relationship and if she can continue. So this isn’t me saying throw in the towel and be done, but ask yourself that very hard question and read her actions, not her words. No happy girlfriend wants this time from her boyfriend and doesn’t care if he texts her or not. That is her detaching from you bit by bit until she feels you’ve grown apart enough that she can leave comfortably.
Yeah, you may have a point there especially the last part. I try my best to close the distance as fast as possible but yeah it maybe too much to handle. As much I could be hurt, I should be prepared for anything at this point. Honestly, I'll give a couple of days and if we still are in the same situation, I'll straight up call her and ask her if she still has feeling for me or not and with the way she'll respond I'll make my decision.
I agree with calling and having a conversation but don’t wait days to do it, it’s Saturday, call her today or even tomorrow. That’s your girlfriend, not someone you’re just talking to or dating, so you have a right to contact her and demand she be honest about what’s going on. If you wait, it will take over your thoughts the entire day, stress you out and upset you. She shouldn’t want you to go through that either if she cares how much you care about her. I’m sure you’re very serious about this relationship, but it needs to be you both fighting to make it work, not just you. There’s worse things than a breakup and you’ve got the rest of your life waiting on the other side of this, should you part ways.
Thanks you for your answer. I want to add an update. We had a long talk where she finally told me what's going on. She said things were going too fast and when she saw my commitment (the fact I want to move where she is, to marry her, having kids, etc.) she panicked, she wanted a moment to sort out her feelings for me, she said the reason she went cold on me it's because if she sees my face or hears my voice often she won't think properly, she asked me to let her some times she'll tell me if she's ready or not shortly.