I asked this woman out and she turned me down?

[Anonymous]

I asked this woman out and she turned me down. No big deal, but about a week later I met her friend and asked her out and she said yes. We've been dating for about 3 weeks and now the first woman keeps giving me attitude. Why?

[Anonymous]

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter how she feels if her friend is willing to date you and it’s going well, but from her position it comes off as ingenuine on your end. I’ve been in her shoes and it’s just off-putting for a guy to go after me then directly to my friend (or friends) if I turn him down. Like why not have gone after her in the first place? Is she just the backup plan, or you’re trying to obtain any woman in this friend group you can get? This is how my mind worked, and it could be how she views this situation as well. I’m not sure why you chose to go after two friends like this but again, it doesn’t at this point if things are going well.

[Asker]

It's just a coincidence. I hadn't even met her friend when I originally asked her out. I asked because I felt like I had a good rapport with both of them. I haven't really known either of them that long. Certainly not long enough for the first girl to dislike me and that's why I was confused.

[Opinion Owner]

I doubt it’s her disliking you as a person, just your decision she’s unhappy with. Even if you didn’t know her friend when you asked her out, she may not know that and it looks like you’re going for her friend because you couldn’t get to her. If you haven’t known them long either then you’re essentially a stranger and this is the impression you’re setting. I think if she’d known you a bit better before, she’d have a general idea of your nature and that you wouldn’t do anything to spite her. Unfortunately you two aren’t in that place yet though, so she’s judging this at face value.

[Asker]

No, I knew the woman I'm dating about a week before asking her out. I wouldn't ask out any woman I just met. I'm saying I didn't know the woman I'm dating when I asked the first woman out.
I appreciate what you've said. I just wanted to make that point clear.

[Vegasrunner]

You're asking the right question and congrats to you for your persistence. The answer is obvious it's just difficult for people to admit. Women are very insecure, what she's bothered by isn't that her friend says yes, it's that her saying no didn't effect you as much. Woman always need to feel as if the are "special" you took that away when u moved on to the next girl. That's why when you ask a woman a general question they always attribute it back to themselves.

[Asker]

But I asked her out originally. Doesn't that say I found her special to begin with?
Or does she just not look at it this way?

[Vegasrunner]

@asker You're making the mistake of thinking logically and women are not logical. When she originally rejects you in her head it was a big deal for u to ask her out. Just think about any Rom-com you've ever seen. She believes that your effort is a reflection of her value, and that you wouldn't be doing "all this" for just anyone. She might even rationalize that she's still a "good person" despite rejecting a nice guy like you. There's even a chance she actually likes you abd wanted u to work harder for her attention. The fact that u were able to instantly move on to the next girl is a females greatest fear. U even saw some of this in the female answer to this question as she describes it as "oft putting" as if being rejected means that you have to stop pursuing women.

[rtj1211]

Maybe she's the kind of woman who always say No the first time a man asks - she wants to see if you have enough interest in her to keep pursuing her and ask her again?

Maybe she wanted to go out with you but her test for you wasn't the way you respond well.

I wouldn't worry, either you two aren't compatible or you'll get back together again when you both work out what signals you each send out...

[Asker]

That's an interesting way of looking at it. I never considered that. I never ask a woman out more than once. So if that was her plan it was doomed to fail.😆
I'm happy with the woman I'm with I don't want to date the first woman now (not personal). But I don't want any ill will between us either if I can prevent it.
Thanks for your response.🙂

[Fireguy17]

Because you are dating her friend, but as long as her friend is fine with it life is good.
If you wanted to rub salt in her wound just tell her thank you for turning me down or I would never have met what ever her name is. She is awesome.
Not a good idea but fun to think about.

[TheSpaceGnome]

First woman doesn't like you and is mad that her friend likes you because it means she has to put up with being around you. Not that you should care what she thinks, just enjoy your new girlfriend.

[Asker]

Oh, OK. So it isn't something I did really. At least not maliciously.🤣

[lorenzomichael]

Fuck yeah good for you brother. You'll get a lot of nas before you get a lot of yea. Don't worry about it but I like the way you turned around and asked her girlfriend out. A little advice when you take your girlfriend out don't even mention the one that said no. act like it never even happened and show that girl you took out a good time. Before you know it you'll take the other one out too. That's called playing the game player.

[DextroShade]

Preselection: when a woman sees a man with another woman, she assumes she is with him for a good reason. This woman who rejected you feels she might have missed out on something and is angry about it even though she has no one to blame but herself even as she takes it out on you because she is a shitty person.

[Twalli]

You pretty much just immediately went after her friend. She either thinks you just wanted to get with her friend and was going to use her, or you're using her friend to get closer to her.

[Asker]

I asked her friend out a week later. I didn't even know her friend when I asked the first woman out. I mean if she wants to think that I immediately went after her friend she can. But that's not the case.

[OlderAndWiser]

Probably she doesn't want you involved in her life and that is why she rejected you. However, you have found a way to make that happen anyway and she resents it.

[exitseven]

Why do you care? She had her chance. Just ignore her. Living well is always the best revenge.

[Asker]

I don't care it's just weird. It'd be easier to ignore if they didn't know eachother. If it bothered me I'd say something to the woman I'm dating.

[Tomisworthless]

You asked her friend out, when she doesn't want you in her life in ANY capacity

[Asker]

So she's just looking out for her friend? Because I can respect that. I don't agree with her.🤣 But I can respect it.

[Tomisworthless]

No, that isn't what I said. you're using her friend to attempt to win over the girl you want

[Asker]

I'm not. I didn't even know her friend at the time I asked the first woman out. And I don't want to date woman #1 now. I just don't want any ill feelings between us.

[ProbablyClueless]

Because the one you asked out first was getting off on feeling superior for rejecting you. By dating her friend, you're making her think she fucked up.

[smilelots]

Maybe she’s upset that she turned you down maybe she didn’t like the fact that you were dating her friend or maybe she’s just like that

[Anonymous]

the way it always is , they don't want you until someone they know does or some other girl wants you

[LiamJHayden]

Who cares? You owe her nothing.

[Asker]

I know I don't owe it to her. And I'm not going to lose sleep over it. But if I did something to offend someone I'm going to try to rectify it if I can.

[LiamJHayden]

You can if you want, but this situation is on her, not you. You did nothing wrong. Her jealousy is.

[Asker]

Thanks man.

[Longshanks1968]

Cuz she's a jealous bitch lol

[Anonymous]

Move on to the next girl.