So I posted this on a different section, but I want some female opinions
My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years and we have a very close relationship and a strong bond, before me she never had much experience with guys
I once asked her out of every guy we know which one she finds most attractive (myself excluded) and my girlfriend mentioned a mutual friend of ours who’s in the military and he’s tall and muscular, but she also said she wouldn’t date him because their personalities wouldn’t work, which I genuinely believe! So just physical attraction
Anyways, he’s about to deploy to a base in the third world, and he broke up with his girlfriend awhile ago and has been looking for a rebound but was too busy with training so no luck
I’m seriously thinking about asking my girlfriend if she’d be interested in us getting a room with him and having fun, but it’d be straight since him and I aren’t bi, so she’d be the focus of our attention, but I don’t want to offend her by asking, so I want some female perspectives on this
What do you think? Should I ask her? Do you think she’d like the idea?
And yes, he definitely finds her attractive! I caught him checking her out many times
What Girls Said
I personally think it’s degrading to offer up your own girlfriend as any man’s rebound lay. I’m not even sure what about her makes you think she’d want a 3 some with him. Especially when you say she doesn’t have much experience aside from you, to me that says she doesn’t get around or have casual sex encounters, so I doubt she’d be interested in this. Not saying that to make you feel bad, I just think of how I felt when my ex offered that with his best friend and how it made me perceive myself. As if I was doing something to relay that I’m interested in going that far.
Ok so I want to do it also because I think it’d spice things up and also that she’d love it, he’s very experienced and she is attracted to him physically, also yes she doesn’t have much experience but I think that maybe she deserves some, I think it would be really fun for her and we could both learn a lot from it, I don’t intend to do it just to help our friend though he is an AMAZING guy and we’ve known him for so long
You asked what we thought, and based off my experience I find it degrading and think it’s not a good idea. If you intend to ask her anyway, I’m not sure what the point in bringing it here to us was lol no offense.
No I understand 😞 it’s not my intention to be degrading to her, I just want a fun experience for all three of us, maybe I could tell her about our buddy’s problem and maybe she knows a lady for a double date
Nothing is wrong with wanting a threesome, I’m specifically talking about it being with your friend, who is currently looking for a rebound, and putting your girlfriend in that position. This is why I took offense, because it was his friend and I figured they had to discuss this before asking me, so we’re they always talking about me sexually? Was I conquest that turned into something more? A lot of questions come to mind that as a man you may not understand.
You shouldn’t make your friends problems your own when it comes to sex, and don’t bring that into your relationship. It would be much better asking your girlfriend if she has a friend for him but again, not suggesting her to be the solution.
Oh that’s understandable, no I’ve never talked to him that way about her, I’d let her know it’s just a really stupid idea I had, in a weird way after he told me about his troubles I imagine every girl I knew with him and realized my girlfriend would probably make him the happiest out of any of them, I think she’s an absolute goddess, and then that thought spiraled out I guess
I get what you’re saying, it would be a better solution, I don’t think she knows anyone either though
You were well-intended, and maybe you can help him find some other woman, I just don’t think she’s the best woman to offer up. If she doesn’t know any other women for him, then maybe he’ll go off and meet someone wherever he’s going. If he’s good looking then he shouldn’t have a hard time!
Yeah but he’s going to a desert in the sahil region in Africa so there aren’t any women there! But my girlfriend told me he’s a 9/10 so if anyone is getting lucky on the base it’ll be him lol
Yeah I was kinda looking forward to seeing what she would do if we did invite him over for the night 😞 weirdly enough, I think he’d kinda blow her mind lol
That’s why I said, if you really want to ask her then go for it, ultimately it is your decision and your outcome.
I dunno if I wanna risk it, I love her a lot, I want her to be comfortable too, I just want it to be something she actually enjoys doing and has fun with, she deserves to let loose
Do you not feel like she’s having fun and letting loose with you? Why does that have to be the action that livens up the relationship?
From where I’m standing, this is mainly beneficial for your friend. You only know she finds him attractive because you asked, it’s not like that was a declaration.
I feel like we’ve reached a plateau sexually tbh, lately I haven’t been able to make her orgasm from penetration, just things like oral, and I’m kinda hoping to see if this guy can do it, he’s very experienced and has been with A TON of women (he got checked after his relationship because she cheated and he wanted to be safe before doing a rebound) and I think he will succeed in pleasing her and I wanna see if me and my girl can learn some new things from him, but also I feel like admitting that makes me less of a man and I don’t know if I should communicate that to her
He’s legit good at sex from what the women he’s been with say lol
I think it would be more beneficial to explore with each other. Have more communication when doing the deed, ask her what feels good and what doesn’t. You can try some toys, videos, lots of other routes than your friend. Because to me, things like that can backfire greatly. He’ll basically be doing what you’re unable to do, and leave her thinking about only of him when you have sex. How you’re inadequate and don’t make her feel how he does. Then she’ll be turned off, want less sex from you completely, as you won’t compare even if you mimick him to the T. If I were you, I’d want to avoid that at all costs.
I do that communication and stuff but she’s very shy and bashful and doesn’t respond well to it… well I should say she is passive more than shy… she seems like she mostly just enjoys pleasing her guy and making me feel good but I’d like to focus on her pleasure!
Hmmm I wouldn’t want her to start disliking sex with me just because she let my friend pump away a few orgasms with her, but I also don’t want to mimic him, I wanna see how rough he goes with her and if I should go rough to, and if there’s some new moves that make her eyes roll back that I can incorporate, I know I won’t be him but he could kinda mentor me while also making her feel like absolute queen
Have you asked her what would make her feel queen? And if you’ve already tried that and it does nothing for her, has she specified why?
Now that you’ve elaborated more about why you want your friend to sleep with her, I get what you’re trying to say, I just don’t feel like this is the right person for that. I don’t imagine it playing out well for several reasons. However, this is just an opinion. At the end of the day, take what I say with a grain of salt, only worth consideration but let the ultimate choice be yours.
You know her best, and if you think she’d be receptive of the threesome then give it a shot. I just think you’re in a place where you feel like this is the only route, and you may not stop thinking about it until it happens. The whole thing could work in your favor, or it can not. It’s a risk that you have to decide if it’s worth taking.
I did ask what I could do better and she says she thinks I’m doing the best I can for her and that she’s happy, but she hasn’t experienced crazy mind blowing sex so how would she knows what could be better? I also am inexperienced and I think I treat her too gently, I haven’t really gone very rough with her for example cause I’m kinda scared but I think seeing my friend doing hard thrusts, spanking, slapping, hair pulling, and who knows what else while she allows him to screw her a little could show me things are ok
Hmmm maybe you’re right and he isn’t the right guy, I know it seems like I’m prioritizing him but he just happens to be a good candidate… should I look for a different guy? Someone we don’t know who isn’t going anywhere? Maybe even older and capable of being a good mentor and holding my girlfriends hand while he shows her all kinds of things in bed?
Maybe this is more of a “you” thing then, feeling inadequate or like you aren’t fully satisfying her. I’m sure you already know this, but in relationships sometimes after you’ve been together a certain amount of time, sex isn’t exactly the same as it was in the earlier stages. Doesn’t mean it’s bad, you just become used to it. Maybe your sex drive is different, or you’re looking for a reaction that she isn’t giving, but remember that’s just you in your own head. I don't know why men think we need rough, crazy, kinky sex to feel content but that’s sooo not the case for every woman. I have a friend who literally cannot have that sort of sex due to pain, another who gets UTIs fairly easy when sex is too rough so she avoids it. These are just examples, but my point is that this sort of intimacy is not a one size fits all, or even something we all desire. You’re thinking because she’s never experienced the sort of sex that you think would be mind blowing, she’s inexperienced or even interested in that, but this may not be the case.
Yes, if you wanted a third party ultimately then I think it should be with someone you two don’t know. Maybe you go have drinks prior or something, but not so close to home as with your friend.
Yes it could be a me thing for sure, I think you’re right about the intimacy and I’m overthinking things, but also I think it’d be a nice experience to do the threesome thing but yeah maybe not with this guy
We could look for a really cool dude with tons of experience in another town and use fake names when we him… what I was thinking is a guy that’s a little older, way more experienced, super cool, dominant, very aggressive… is that good or too much? And maybe well endowed ahaha first time we meet him we get tested, and then go for dinner and drinks and dancing and have a good time together, just very relaxed, and then next time she ends up in his strong arms
No matter what, it’s a risk to ask. Maybe not as big of one as it would be mentioning your friend, but some risk at the end of the day. You know her best, so ask her in a way that she’s be most receptive. That’s if you ultimately decide to ask.
She would probably do it just to please me, do you have any ideas on how I could make it pleasurable for her? Like an I looking for the wrong things in the guy? I was thinking about buying her really nice lingerie for it so she feels super sexy, maybe get some wine for it too and a fancy hotel room with a jacuzzi in our room
So if you know that she doesn’t want a threesome but would do it for you, why would you want to put her in that position? This is benefitting you only when you take that aspect into consideration. No offense.
No don’t get me wrong I 100% think she would LOVE the experience and I wanna make her the star of it and make it super fun for her
Hmm, I don't know dude…
Well I wouldn’t force it on her, I’d remind her a million times that she could say no even when the guy is wait for her to go over to him
You said she would only do it for you, so then it’s about you, my friend. You could find other ways around this but choosing to put her in bed with another man. Her enjoyment is solely by your request. I thought it was a cool to get another man, so long as he’s not your friend but now that you’ve said that, I just think it’s a bad idea dude. Remember this is just an opinion, it’s your choice at the end of the day, no judgement from me.
I meant she would do it just cause I wanted to, but she'd probably want to try it herself if we talked about her, I think she'd be honest about it if I kept asking, I admit I don't like the idea of getting her to do it JUST for my pleasure so if I got that vibe I'd cancel it
Dude, the moment you tell her you want a threesome she’s going to do it for you. That’s all it really comes down to, and if you’re ok with this then it is what it is. I’m not sure how you’d determine she doesn’t want to when you already know she isn’t interested outside of pleasing you. I just think you’re deep in your head, insisting she isn’t pleasured or needs rough sex when that’s not even the case. It’s honestly kinda fetish-y lol wanting to see this relatively innocent woman get broken down by a well endowed man.
Oh man you're right it is fetishy :( maybe but I don't imagine her getting broken I imagine her responding to it and going crazy and wiggling around, not like crying or something, I want her to have fun with it
Maybe broken down isn’t a great word. Get her back blown out, rough sex with a big man, you want to see that and the question is why? If it were really about her ultimate satisfaction you’d be doing what you can for her, figuring it out together. But the thing is you may never be satisfied with solely that because it’s not all you want. I just think you have to really consider what you’re asking. If you think she will receive the request well, then take the dive. You may not get your mind off it if you don’t. Unfortunately I can’t encourage it, knowing what I know now, but I’m not judging, just want that much to be clear.
Hmmm well if I decide to go for it should I choose that ideal kind of guy? Or just a more normal guy? You're right that it's on my mind now but I don't want to mess things up with her
What if I just directly told her I wanna see her having rough, enjoyable sex with a well endowed gentleman, but I don't want to do it unless she actually thinks it'd be enjoyable for real?
Honestly I would cross that bridge when I got to it, you haven’t even had a discussion with her about it. If things work in your favor and she’s down, then let her choose the man. Compromise is everything, so if she’s down for the three way then let her pick the rest.
To be honest I’m not sure what you can expect regardless of how you ask. All I can do is put myself in her shoes, and based on actually having been in that position, along with what I would think now if my current partner asked, I’d feel degraded. Like why this need to watch her have rough sex? Why can’t you do it? That’s what I would be thinking at least. Then the night is so fleeting, what happens after? What’s the expectation after some other guy blows her mind, you go back to feeling even more inadequate? Doesn’t sound great to me my friend.
That's an amazing idea!! I'm curious about what kinda guy she'd pick now lol I'd still buy wine and a nice room and sexy lingerie plus make sure he gets tested
If she did this threesome thing I'd spoil her with affection to reassure her it's ok, I don't think I'd feel inadequate because I feel very connected and secure
Spoiling her with affection is something you can do right now though…
I spoil her with affection as often as I can I just would do extra because I'd be worried she'd feel like she did something bad by allowing another man to penetrate, but I'd NEED to make sure she knows everything is absolutely fine
Okay, well good luck whatever you decide!
I'm kinda shocked by how deeply you make me think about this, you should honestly be a therapist or couples counselor :o I would go to you for advice for sure!
Oh I appreciate you dude! Remember these are just aspects to consider, ultimately the choice is yours and I do hope it works in your favor☺️
Lol yeah I didn't really know what I wanted exactly untill we talked, do you have any idea why I might want to see my innocent girlfriend do the whole... Getting blown out thing... With a bigger dude?
Probably because it’s the opposite of you. If I were you I’d be asking myself why I don’t feel comfortable having rough sex with her, there is some sort of boundary you’re afraid to cross, so you want to see someone who doesn’t feel that restriction. The reason I ask what come after is because if you won’t do it now, what would change after that experience? You’d still have to figure out what she likes and may find yourself indeed trying to mimic that guy just to receive the same reaction. It’s like if I hired a porn star to blow my boyfriend, then I tried to match that, I’d feel inadequate and upset if I can’t make him feel how she did. I’d feel pressure and stress. Even the most confident person can struggle with that.
Another thing, why do you feel like rougher sex is what she wants or needs? Sure she’s never had it but you can easily try, and it’s something you don’t do, for whatever your reservations are. If there’s a fear of hurting her, does that make it ok for someone else to? I’d be asking myself this as well.
Yeah I think I'm terrified of hurting her at all and I see her as a fragile princess who needs gentle love making and my idea is this fun loving, studly masculine guy will come by and give her this intense, rough fucking that absolutely scares the shit out of me, but I could see if she actually enjoys it, if it makes her eyes roll back, if she arches her back and bucks her butt back at him, and if she screams out in pleasure, and seeing that could probably change the way I see rough sex completely and make me feel comfortable exploring it, and honestly I'd consider forming a friendship with this guy because I might need to see him make my girlfriend a woman more than once
I think her first time doing something like that should be with you. It’s just not very loving to want to see some other man put her in that position but you won’t even try…
Yeah I think you're right, I have tried but I'm very awkward at it lol but I could give it some more good attempts... Do you think it'd be hard to find a guy who would be willing and able to mentor me about rough sex by taking charge with my girlfriend and showing us how it should be done?
Yeah, I think by doing it with her first you can see if she’s even into rough sex. Like I was saying before, you could have different sex drives and while you want something rougher, she doesn’t care for it. I would just want to see for myself first if I were you, before I even thought about whether or not it’d be hard to find a guy lol. This is a fantasy in your mind but remember its a real woman (who you’re supposed to love) having to endure, not a porno to observe. Learn her boundaries and comforts first, then make your decisions based off that. For all you know, she could take offense and end the relationship so you can find a quiet woman who wants crazy sex. I broke up with my ex over it lol
Could this be a dominance thing? She’s always focusing on pleasuring you, does that make you feel beta? Just curious.
I don't want to break up with her, I'd give up on the fantasy first, and yeah she might hate rough sex and maybe she likes what we do now and that's enough for her, I don't want her to feel like I'm using her as my personal porn star you're right, I want her to enjoy everything we do as a couple, also I'd definitely keep her safe and if we did a threesome I'd make sure that the guy is tested and 100% clean
Oh man that's so clever 😮 yes she does everything for me and I can't imagine taking charge and treating her roughly or just having my way with her, and I definitely don't feel alpha enough for the rough sex thing
Maybe I'm feeling the sex calmed down and I'm too beta to give her orgasms and I want the threesome with this rough big dude because I want to see if it takes an alpha guy to make her cum 😮
Yeah, I think take it one step at a time. You’re worried about keeping her safe and getting him tested as if this is set in stone already lol. You should start with trying on your own, you said it was awkward when you did it but how can you get past that if you stop trying? Start there, and if she’s interested in rougher stuff then ask about the 3some. But one thing at a time friend
Word to the wise, even if you feel beta, never show it to a woman. You can still be dominant, even if it’s gently and you can bring her to climax in the exact same way. If she’s a caretaker to you in bed, then she probably prefers sensual, not rough. Just a thought!
If she feels like you’re beta, that could be the turn off right there and be why she doesn’t seem to be enjoying it how you’d hope. If you’re acknowledging the awkwardness when you try to be rough or act like you’re too scared, it shows.
Yeah I'll try again but I'm the kinda guy who likes having plans and she hates condoms and I know that alpha dudes won't really be into using them either... It kinda gives me a huge adrenaline rush even thinking about her totally accepting this alpha dude as an actual mate lol feels weird to say
Also I remember when we watched porn she did seem more responsive to the rougher stuff
Yeah I always try to act alpha around her and stuff, I always fight that beta feeling!!