How do I stop being invisible to people?

[Anonymous]

Mostly, when I try to connect to people I initiate conversations. Yet, they don’t notice me. They don’t think of me when they are going to do something fun. They don’t ask about me. They don’t include me in their life/friendship circle. I haven’t made any friends since high school. That’s almost 10y ago..

Don’t get me wrong; people are friendly and they tolerate me. But that’s about as far as it gets. They are not interested in who I am, even though I ask about them all the time. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m introverted and I don’t know how to connect to people anymore. How do I stop being invisible to people?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ay girl I feel you, making new friends as an adult can be tough! A couple things that may help:

- Put yourself out there more. Sign up for a class, rec sports league etc. Shared experiences help build connections.

- Invest in current friendships too. Reach out more often than waiting to be reached. People get busy, so remind them why they like hanging with you!

- When chatting, focus on asking open questions about others rather than just info dumping about yourself. People gravitate to those genuinely interested in them.

- Smile and make eye contact more too. Warm body language puts others at ease.

- Compliment others sincerely when something about them stands out to you. Little things like that help you stick in their memories.

- Don't be afraid to suggest actual plans like grabbing coffee instead of vague "we should hang out sometime." People respond better to specifics.

You got this girl! Keep putting that friendly energy out and the right people will start to notice and want to know you better over time. Your crew is out there.

[Lynx122]

You can film yourself the way you approach new people or introduce yourself etc and see how you come across to other people. Then you can practice improving the things that you see as problems. I'm kinda doing something like that too. Maybe you also have beliefs about yourself from your past experiences that are holding you back. You have to remember new people don't know anything about you so you can present yourself ina different way than you generally do. But often we have som bad experiences and fears from the past so we want to just be in that role that we've found for ourselves where we don't have any problems. But that role can make you invisible you have to be able to go further than what life allowed you up to this point.

Just try and see if anything helps you.