How do you stop the thoughts from flooding in after an abusive relationship?

[Anonymous]

Like prior to this I had never dated and this girl was physically abusive she would haul off and hit me in the head if she was losing in a game we were playing. Another time she hit me because I had a slow reaction to our dog doing something. I was bending over one time to pet our dog and she hauled off and kneed me in the ass. She also hit, kicked and slammed our dog he has a massive dent in his crate that I look at everyday as a reminder of what she did to him. Anyways she was supposed to be a good person and but on a nice person act to the world so they never seen this side. How do I stop the thoughts that what’s stopping the next girl if I find another one being like this pretending to be nice then abusive later on.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa dude, that sounds really messed up and scary. I'm sorry you had to go through that abusive relationship, no one deserves to be treated like that. It makes total sense you'd be afraid of it happening again.

My advice would be to focus on healing first before dating again. Talk to friends you trust about what you experienced - getting it out in the open can help processing it. Consider talking to a counselor too if you feel you need professional help.

Going forward, pay attention to how the next girl treats you from the very start. Look for patience, kindness and respect in everything she says and does. Go slow getting to know her fully as a person too.

You deserve so much better than abuse, bro. Hold out for a girl who makes you feel good about yourself everyday instead of walking on eggshells. You'll know she's the one when caring for you and your pup comes naturally to her.

Most importantly, work on building your confidence back up separately too. Know that her actions say everything about her poor character and nothing about your worth. You got this man - keep your head high!

[Desi_Butcher]

Let go. Have faith that things will be good now and they'll be actually good coz she was an exception. Women ain't like her.

[DishLady]

Sigh... Ok, so it's hard and you have to be patient with yourself. It takes a lot of time to heal from an abusive situation. Step away from the dating pool till you feel you've healed in the sense that:
1. You don't blame yourself for the abuse or see yourself as "deserving it."
2. You don't think ALL (men/women) are going to be like your ex.
3. You understand that you deserve to give and receive love from a good and loving person.

If you don't step away from the dating scene for a while after a breakup from an abusive person you risk becoming too jaded, taking your revenge out on the people you're dating (who didn't do anything to you), or getting trapped in a cycle of dating people who ARE just like your ex (and then REALLY thinking that everyone is just like that, which is not the case... I promise).

[osmanthus]

Therapy for PTSD. Likely, she has psychopathy. At your own pace, for sure.

[Asker]

This is ptsd?

[osmanthus]

If this is troubling you to the extent that you're triggered by what a normal woman would do and hasn't done, then "yes" therapy for PTSD.