Why do I always end up with girls’ that are nice in the beginning but turn mean and disrespectful to me?

[Finchie40]

I hate talking about myself , but i am considered an all around good guy, that treats people with respect , and treat people the way i want to be treated in return , I know I am not perfect , but I know I am nice and respectful to people I meet and I usually get a lot of compliments from people saying they think I am a great guy that has a big heart , but for whatever reason? , I end up with bitches , that are nice in the beginning but turn mean and disrespectful toward me for whatever reason? Why can’t I just meet a girl that is nice and stays nice and respectful to me the same way I treat her. I am not much for confrontation and starting shit with people , but I end up with girls’ that tend to get off on confrontation an arguments etc. Why is that? Why do I attract bitches and not just an all around nice girl?

[thatshydork]

You call yourself an “all around good guy” and yet you proceed to call all these ladies ‘bitches’? First, that alone is a pretty big red flag to a lot of women that I know. Second, I know you say that you treat them kindly and respectfully and that might be the case, but sometimes we can be mean or disrespectful without realizing. Maybe reflect on or ask what you might have said or done to make them upset and think how you’d feel if someone treated a woman you care and have deep respect for that way. I mean, this isn’t the 1920s anymore. If you are disrespectful, us women are going to confront you about it eventually whether we’re confrontational or not. Third, you say you don’t like confrontation or starting shit, but the language used in this post does not align with that; especially when you use terms like ‘bitches’ to refer to women. Finally, unless you’re able to provide us with a truthful and honest example of a couple of times where this has happened and what all happened leading up to the breaking point, there is no way for any of us to be able to give you an unbiased answer.

[Finchie40]

Well I am not calling every girl a bitch , just the ones that were in my life , that changed on me for whatever reason. If it sounds better , I will call them Selfish girls’ instead. Because they were very selfish girls’ that only really cared about themselves and what was best for themselves. I will give you examples of why they were selfish. Basically they didn’t follow boundaries the same way they expected me to follow boundaries for them. Basically it wasn’t ok for me to do certain things , but ok for her to do. Like go away with friends’ for a weekend , how dare I go away without her with my friends’ but when it came down to her going away with friends’ how dare I tell her No she can’t go after she told me I couldn’t go? So basically I had to prioritize her but she didn’t have to prioritize me , so a lot of double standards that occurred. How dare I talk to another girl friendly but ok for her to talk to other men friendly , so a lot of double standards to the point they were selfish girls’ that only cared about what was best for themselves and that’s why they are my exes. The relationships become one sided , her way or no way basically , my feelings and wants stopped mattering to her , no matter what I did , it was never good enough , in the beginning we were inseparable, we had no issues whatsoever, but as time went on their true colors would shine by being completely selfish only caring about what was best for herself. I just became a convenience to them , No longer wanted to be intimate or affectionate with me , when that was never an issue before , how dare I try to hold her in my arms or kiss her or want to make love to her when that was never an issue before , so how would you feel and react if a guy was doing that to you? Your wants and needs are no longer being met by him? He makes things all about himself and what he feels is best for himself , you are no longer a priority to him? So are
You going to sit there and just let him walk all

[Finchie40]

Over you and treat you like a convenience? Or are you going to put your foot down and express your feelings of concern to him and find out what the hell is going on all of a sudden? And if nothing changes after you talked to him , are you going to still be his convenience or are you going to walk away and tell him to Go Fuck himself. Me personally tells her to Go Fuck Herself

[Chevy1_kb]

Any lover boy or girl are scum bags for being nice at first in relationships making there partner love them then letting you down happens to me a good few times that's why I'm happy alone he/she who does this is bad if there's no excuse to leave then there evil cunts

[Chevy1_kb]

I always put my foot down in relationships and get them told about how I feel I never let my self get controled by a lover never I stand my ground I'm not a looser I'm a straight forward person and be myself I tell him sort it out with me or it's goodbye because they shouldn't be doing it to me or anyone I'm happy alone loving uma

[Chevy1_kb]

Yeah answer that for me to if you can I get that with guys lovey dovey at the start I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop to only thing I can think of is we are both going for the wrong type of lovers

[ManOnFire]

It's because they know you're a nice guy and view you as a pushover - which is not your fault. Your nature is to be good and kind, and when women see that they feel safe, but also too safe, to a point where they figure they can treat you however they want because you are good and kind and won't do anything about it. It is one of the downsides to female nature. They like abusing men who are kind and think of you as soft.

I had a female friend once who was the same way. In the beginning she was all nice and sweet, but as time went on she started feeling more comfortable to act like a bitch because I was too nice to her. That taught me to change and no longer tolerate that. When you show women that you aren't going to be a pushover they will either change their attitude real quick, or decide to drop you altogether. Either way, you are getting the respect you deserve by standing firm with them and standing up for yourself. That female friend tried to come back later on. I left that door closed.

[Juxtapose]

You can be kind and compassionate but treat yourself with the same compassion you would give your best friend. You would generally not let your best friend be disrespected or taken advantage of.

[ManOnFire]

@Juxtapose Right. I even talked that girl into giving up a toxic situationship she was in because I could see what it was doing to her and I cared about her safety, and she did give it up. Although I imagine she probably went back after we ended our friendship.

[Juxtapose]

I will never understand women who get sucked into abuse.

[Ladsin2]

If you want honesty it's because they don't respect you. The fact that you self-assert as a nice guy tells me it's likely that you're placating women who in turn will see you as weak. Being nice is good, but women want their men to be dominant and aggressive. When the woman believes you're submitting to her she thinks she's settling for you, that she can likely do better. She then will leave for another man, or resent you. Hence the bitchiness.

[Finchie40]

I agree with this and this is exactly what I do because I know Girls’s get off on that shit , but I guess every girl is a whore

[NathanDavis]

you've said yourself to be a cheater before and later justified it because they deserved it...

that's not consistent with "all around good guy"

cheating is not respectful, to refer to people as bitches is not respectful either

defending cheating is not what a truly good heart, does...

[Finchie40]

Yea I cheated on a bitch that I ended it with immediately, I answered my own question about no longer loving her or caring about her because I cheated on her , and yes I felt she deserved it by how mean and disrespectful she was towards me , which pretty much lead me to being open to another girl that was treating me with kindness and respect At that moment I knew my relationship with her was over. I feel i would be an asshole if I went back to her like nothing happened and strung her along for my own selfish benefit, which sadly a lot of cheaters tend to do after they cheat on someone. So yes , I am not perfect but I treat girls’ with kindness and respect until they turn on me for no reason , I have been with girls’ that hated that I was social and friendly with people , that she assumed were trash or garbage just by looking at them , I’m not one to really judge a book by it’s cover , if someone is being nice to me , I am going to be nice back no matter what they look like , sadly some of the girls’ I been with were alll about appearance and status like it actually meant something and she would mock and criticize me for even talking to someone that didn’t fit her description of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, never admitting she was wrong for judging a book by it’s cover. So sadly for whatever reason I end up meeting girls’ that are this way and that think she can never be wrong.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Maybe she’s mirroring you without you realizing it. If the only common denominator in your relationships with these women of repeating patterns is the fact that they’re dating you, maybe that’s something worth looking into

[idonotlikeyou]

The only logical explanation assumes that all women cannot behave the same way on their own. So, something in you and your behavior is causing this turn of events.

[Finchie40]

Yea , things that I like to do that she doesn’t like to do , makes me a bad guy , I am the same guy she met , I don’t change , she changes

[coxoabean]

Do you date the girls right away, or do you take time to watch them before talking to them? Because people usually act better when you first start dating then overtime they show their real self

[Finchie40]

I usually take things slow and really get to know them before jumping into a relationship with them , so it seems after her and I make it official it goes good for a while and then all of a sudden it turns to shit and she starts treating me like shit and being rude and disrespectful , like her selfishness all of a sudden shines ,

[coxoabean]

I'm sorry she does that, that's messed up. I mean though, is it possible that you can watch how she is before she even knows your interested in her? So for example, if it's a lady at your workplace, if you just watch how she treats others, how she handles situations, how she is with costumers, or friends, how she speaks to others. You could watch her, without letting her know your interested, obviously you don't have to stare her down and make things creepy, but it's ok to watch to see how she is with others, and not only that, you could ask other people what they think of her. To find out if she has a good rep with other people

[Finchie40]

Yea why i am taking things really slow now especially these days, I don’t want to end up in the same boat as my previous exes whatsoever. So taking things slow

[coxoabean]

Yes, It is good to take things slow, I 100% agree! I myself whoever I dated want to date for a yr or more b4 commiting to marriage

[Nikki1989]

Going by what you have said in past posts of yours, this comes as no surprise at all. This post alone contains numerous elements that contradict your stance of being a good person, based on your previous statements.

[Smashingdoozy]

What do you mean exactly? What are they arguing with you about?

[Finchie40]

Mainly boundaries that we set together , like it’s not ok for me to do certain things but ok for her to do does things , it’s double standards mainly , basically her way or no way , that’s why she becomes my ex

[Smashingdoozy]

Okay yeah that's fair. Though I do hope when you are setting those boundaries it isn't just one sided. You are telling her that you expect the same not just assuming she would. I know it seems like common sense to give what you expect but most people never learned about healthy boundaries.

[chrissykerdock]

you need to find someone submissive who will respect your penis

[Juxtapose]

You're really into pleasing men aren't you?

[chrissykerdock]

@Juxtapose better than pissing them off

[Juxtapose]

There can be a middle ground but I personally do think more people should care about how their lover feels.

[Juxtapose]

You seen to understand that men have a really high emphasis on their sex drive as well.

[Juxtapose]

*seem

[chrissykerdock]

@Juxtapose yes i do understand

[Juxtapose]

I hope your lovers look after your desires as well.

[chrissykerdock]

@Juxtapose after a man cums it's over

[Juxtapose]

Well that sucks! They have a mouth, a tongue and fingers. Your desires matter.

[Juxtapose]

I am far from done when I cum although I need a moment haha.

[Anonymous]

Being nice is ok but if your too nice and aren't sufficiently assertive it will lead to these kinds of girls