Men, what does this mean to you? if a woman tells you this before exchanging number? how would you respond?

[Anonymous]

Before we even exchanged numbers I tell you :

I’m not looking for anything casual or serious. I’m protecting my emotional wellbeing at all cost and don’t want to be used. My emotional safety is important right now …I tell you that I don’t mind talking or being a placeholder until you move on to someone else. (Placeholder no SEX etc)

What does this mean to you? Why do you think she’s saying it? How would you respond?

[ohsheeT]

To be honest with you it depends on how well I new you..

I would say damn you know what that is hot I really like that and I understand and I respect that but I would also say I don't want you to be a placeholder that's just not me if I'm going to be a friend with somebody I'm a friend with somebody

And then let's say you did go to the next step
I would have to think about it and I would weigh it

Relationship sex versus just a good friend

Well if I'm honest with myself and I knew that in the long run it would not work I would have to accept and acknowledge that and say well it looks like just good friendship because I'm not willing to lose you as a friend if we were going to be in a relationship

I guess it's kind of saying the same thing but I like your way better but it's still kind of sexy though I like that the way you said it

[Finchie40]

It tells me she has no interest in me and tells me I am wasting my time with her , unless I just want to be friends’ with her but I wouldn’t be asking her for her number just to be friends’ I would be asking her for her number because I found her beautiful to my eyes , so if she says those words to me , I probably wouldn’t call her period

[Anonymous]

Tells me she has a lot of issues. She’s damaged. Makes me wonder why she’s not w someone. I wouldn’t go for it. No benefit in it for us as men. I don’t even understand why women would subject theirselves to being a placeholder or why a man would even want a placeholder. More than likely the one who would benefit out of that would be the female cause she’d get boyfriend treatment w out having to engage w him sexually. It’s a big L for men.

[Asker]

What if he did continue to talk to her but ended up doing her very wrong in the end

[Opinion Owner]

How did he do her wrong?

[Asker]

He said all these things to her to make her feel safe… “what’s the safest way to talk to you “ “I can understand if you’ve dealt with certain people but you shouldn’t punish everyone for someone else’s sins” he made her feel feminine by showing the effort that he cared about her feelings of uncertainty and was very level headed even when she was the opposite. He said he knows she’s protecting her mental but he thought she would still be open to something serious

When she started to feel safe she really liked him and that’s when he pulled away.. taking hours to respond then a couple days appearing back as if nothing happened and I tried not to seem insecure because I was certain he liked me. He’s a man

Then he insulted her and said hurtful things on the first meet up.. saying things like “I’m scared to sleep with you because you’ll be crazier “ “does your dad know you post those kind of pics” …. Said he wasn’t ready for a relationship.. ghosted her when she wanted to wait

[Opinion Owner]

So what are you trying to achieve here? How old are you? You say he’s a man like you’re a teenager or something.

[Asker]

I’m 27 he’s 37

I’m saying masculine

[Opinion Owner]

So you thought it was going to be a possible relationship? Maybe things were moving too fast. Maybe he wasn’t interested in you. It could be a lot of things.

[Asker]

I feel that he tried to use me.. it wasn’t going fast because I specifically told him that I wanted to take things slow

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. So maybe he tried to see if he could get you to give in quicker but it didn’t work out so he just moved on. He doesn’t want to wait around.

[Asker]

That’s still so predatory.. do you not see that? You know how triggering that is? So nothing I said in the beginning mattered? she's broken and you want to see how fast she can sleep with you? How predatory

[Opinion Owner]

Most likely none of what you said mattered. Especially if he was just trying to sleep w you. A lot of women can’t handle the truth about things. Women say men should just be honest but men really can’t. Women can’t really comprehend the way men think.

[Asker]

But if I already made it clear that I didn’t want sex and had a boundary why? I even told him to find someone else who wants the same thing as him..

[Asker]

I told him no before we exchanged numbers

[Opinion Owner]

Some men just like the challenge to see if they can get a girl to go against what she said.

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly it’s hard to tell which men are genuine and which ones aren’t. The game is played the same way no matter which way he does.

[Asker]

By how he treated me in the end he just wanted to use me and then he didn’t tell me his real name

[Opinion Owner]

Where did you meet him?

[Asker]

Dating app

[Asker]

But they give you the option to find friends and I put placeholder in my bio no sex etc

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. I don’t know anything about dating apps. Like I said sounds like he was just trying to get laid. He should have just be honest that way you would have known from the start. But like I said hard for men to be honest w women

[Asker]

So he’s a predator

[Opinion Owner]

A lot of men are like that.

[Asker]

Predators? Great

While also watching trans content..

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t know about trans content. But yes that’s why I said it’s hard for men to be honest because a lotmofmyounwoukd not speak to us if you knew what went tnroughnoutbheads

[Asker]

He follows explicit trans women

[Opinion Owner]

I see. I’m not sure about that. So have you stopped talking to him?

[Asker]

He ghosted me but he did give me closure only after I told him it was affecting my mental health

[Opinion Owner]

Must be hard being a female.

[Asker]

Yes.. so emotional when it comes to the man we want.. the man who made us feel safe and now I feel like nothing.. like he proved me right and every guy before him that I’m not good enough

[Asker]

He had the nerve to say “I hope you find a man who loves you the way you need/want to be loved “ after doing that to me..

[Opinion Owner]

I get it. Reading a London post in this forum it’s like women have a lot of things that bother them emotionally. Have you been on a relationship before?

[Asker]

No I haven’t… never had my first kiss

[Opinion Owner]

May I ask why?

[Asker]

Idk… don’t really go out or talk to guys

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly I think it’s going to get harder to find someone

[Asker]

Well he likes trans so… I’m good with being single. This was traumatic… I wouldn’t have even talked to him knowing that

[Opinion Owner]

So you’re giving up after only trying once to be w someone?

[Asker]

Yes. I told him I was protecting my mental wellbeing and he tried to use me.. now I’m potentially facing legal charges and thinking about moving in my car and quitting my job because I can’t cope…

He ruined everything I worked so hard for

[Opinion Owner]

I’m not taking his side but I doubt that he ruined everything for you. If I’m being honest I think you have a lot of other issues going on before all of this.

[Asker]

What kind of issues?

[Opinion Owner]

I’m not sure. Emotional issues. Like you went through a lot

[Asker]

Been through what? Lol

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t know. I don’t know you. But at your age w having never had a man, not even married or a kid by now. A lot of times women like that have issues.

[Asker]

Well he did say he felt I was unstable… but what about him? He’s 37.. no kids or married

I’m just not good enough.. but I’m also more interested in desire and lust with no commitment or attachment… I think falling in love is too triggering

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t think it’s quite the same w men. I’m sure he’s had sex before. But w women if she’s pretty, still a virgin by the time she’s almost 30 chances are she has problems. Here’s why. If a girl is descent looming she will attract some suitors, but it’s her personality that’s going to chase them away. Men flock to pretty women all the time. But if no one is willing to commit to her it’s more than likely cause she has issues that turn men away.

[Asker]

I’ve only experienced men who just want to sleep with me

[Opinion Owner]

Bt there’s a reason for that. Something about you pulls these type of men to you.

[Asker]

I don’t know… I’m working on myself now.. trying to get passed the last guy possibly leaving me for trans women.. after dealing with him it’s been very difficult to work on myself or even love myself.

[Asker]

I never want to deal men again. I just think I’m leaning more towards wanting to be lusted after and desired more than anything

[Opinion Owner]

So after one experience w a man you’re giving up? That’s why I feel like you’re damaged. You never even really had him to begin w. Sure ok maybe he made you feel a certain way but you two weren’t even exclusive. There’s a reason why you’re the way you are even before you met this dude.

[Asker]

You tell me then… what do you think happened? Since you seem to know

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t know. But there’s a reason why. Some mistrust in men growing up. Something happened w a male in your life growing up. Maybe something you learned from her mom w her relationship ships. You need to think and analyze this as to what happened

[Asker]

Sexual trauma, seeing my mom in a toxic relationship with my step father.. father was a good dad but he still prioritized his family…

You’re right. I’ll never trust a man

[Opinion Owner]

Have you tried going to therapy for it?

[Asker]

Yeah… therapist suck.. a lot of them don’t know what they’re talking about

[Opinion Owner]

Have you talked to both men as well as women therapist?

[Asker]

Yes I have

I’ve been in therapy since I was 16

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly not all men are what you think we are. You just attract that type because of a vibe you put off. So you tend to think men are all the same. It’s like a girl who’s always finding abusive men. She doesn’t go out looking for that but for some reason she attracts men like that.

[ClassicDropout]

She's damaged beyond what I can handle. I'm just gonna leave her to find someone who can help her go through whatever she's going through. I'm not about to be the villain because of someone I've never even spoken to.

[Asker]

So if a man were to keep talking to her even after she said that and he said things to make her feel safe. Why would he do all that.. then when she finally says she’s willing to take things slow he backs away slowly then on the date he becomes insulting and brings up sex and he ends up rejecting me because I wanted to wait.. but he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship…when he mentioned it in the beginning…

[ClassicDropout]

He's bored as hell

[Asker]

Is that not predatory to know that she’s a wounded unhealed person? And to do that?

[ClassicDropout]

I wouldn't say it's predatory. It's just distasteful. If he was doing this with the intentions of coercing you into something, then you could make the argument. However, a predator is not going to give up because you say you don't want it lol.

[Asker]

He was doing it with the intentions of coercing me tho… he wanted sex all along… and he made a hurtful comment saying “I’m scared to sleep with you because you will be crazier “…. And that hurt because that meant he wasn’t serious and he lied to me after I told him I didn’t want that.. I only said I was willing to take things slow because of how safe and caring he seemed in the beginning

[BonzoInBitburg]

No need to exchange numbers and I'm just walking away. I don't want to get involved with that

[Asker]

Then why would he continue to talk to her to use her?

[BonzoInBitburg]

I don't know. Maybe he's lonely

[Asker]

But he rejected her because she wanted to wait for sex he moved on like he had options

[Asker]

Would you ever guess she has sexual trauma?

[Danny_dan92]

Well if my intentions is to date and or fuck the girl.




I would then never text the girl again. Because there’s no point to do so

[Asker]

What if he continues… even admitting that she comes off a tad bit unstable?

[Danny_dan92]

Then that’s on him

[Asker]

But he ended up backing off when she said she was willing to take things slow after he made her feel safe… then in the date he told her he was scared to sleep with her because she’ll be “crazier “ and he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship even though that’s what he mentioned when they first started talking. Then he ghosted her

[Danny_dan92]

That’s a different story

[Asker]

How?