If she constantly takes 4 days to reply to your text, do you confront her or leave it be?

[Anonymous]

The excuses are the usual " busy, sad, tired" bs. It is consant for a year now. In 4 days, one minute could have been found to reply back... So the question is, should I even bother to reply when she remembers to write? I'm done with confrontation since a long time because it doesn't change anything with her lack of effort. Do I just move on and delete my app on where we converse? I'm not needy but it's plain rude to lie and use bs excuses, to be a coward who strings people along. Whatever love I had for her has turned to hate. I'm sorry. If we were only friends, it would be fine

[ManOnFire]

Seems like she's been so blahzay about it on purpose, like maybe hoping that eventually you will just finally give up and stop talking. Some women are like that. They're not courageous enough to just tell you it's not working and not interested anymore, but they're also not cruel enough to just block you or ghost you without warning either because it would make them feel guilty. So they will just carry on with you in very boring, blahzay sparse words in the hopes that you'll just drop them so they don't have to drop you. I think that's what's happening here.

You've been putting up with this for a long time. Longer than most. And you're gaining nothing from it. Let her go into the wind.

[Asker]

Thank you, I feel the same, she wants to be the good person without the guilt of breaking things off. So she waits on me to let go. I'm so angry at myself for letting my guard fall down with her

[ManOnFire]

It's okay. I think most people have or will make that mistake with someone sooner or later in their lives. I did too once. It takes time to move on from it, but it'll get better.

[Asker]

I guess it's a lesson for me, not to do it twice. I'm sorry it happened to you too. I'll just delete the messaging app so I'm not tempted to get into any fruitless arguments with her. Not to get back to her with not replying, but for my sanity. She is toxic, I realize that now.

[ManOnFire]

I think you're making the right choice. It's better for your mental and emotional health. Delete and don't look back, yeah. I've had to make that hard decision for myself too. You feel good later on.

[Anonymous]

So is she aware that you two are more than friends and actively working towards strengthening your connection? Is that what she says she wants as well? I only ask because I notice you said If you were only friends it would be fine, except her behavior says otherwise.

[Asker]

To be honest, we both felt the same from the start, we fell for each other and built an amazing love connection. It was mutual until she started toning it down more and more without direct explanation even when I told her it's ok if things changed for her, if it isn't working out, she is free to say it. She still insisted she wants us to go on and everything is fine, just busy. I am sure it's a case of her not having the guts to end it and wants me to just let it go. And I will because it's not worth it anymore.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry to hear that, it sucks a lot when things start one way and gradually shift into something much less. Unfortunately with this love connection, it sounds like at this point in time it means something totally different for her than it does for you, and maybe it is time to let it go. You don’t need her to tell you she isn’t feeling it anymore, because she prob doesn’t like the confrontation and her actions are telling you all you need to know anyway.

[Asker]

Thank you, you're right and I must agree. There's nothing to be gained from chasing her. She doesn't like confrontation and does get defensive so it would just be silent treatment and arguments, no matter if the approach is nice. So I will let go, without any conversation. I just don't buy the busy excuses from her, it's the oldest trick. It's good to have confirmation of what I felt was going on here so I thank you again.

[Opinion Owner]

No problem at all friend, I’ve been there before and it really hurts to feel them pulling from you and trying hard to hang on, even unintentionally. I did that for almost 9 years before I had to let it go. I learned that mentally and emotionally you can’t exist in this state of limbo where the person isn’t letting go but isn’t holding on either, at least not how you are. You deserve to have your efforts, your feelings, everything reciprocated and the right woman will do it without the arguments or problems. Was this woman telling the truth about being busy or whatever other reasoning she had (like sadness), maybe so, maybe not, but all that really matters is that at the end of the day you just aren’t a priority. You can’t wait around for that fact to change or hope she becomes less sad, less busy, etc etc you’re better than that.

[Opinion Owner]

Spoiler alert, if your relationship is as close as you make it sound then she will eventually notice your lack of attention and reach out. If there’s no bad blood on your end you can respond, just don’t feed into the shit. Take your time to respond, don’t engage a lot, set the tone. Or just don’t reply at all, it’s your choice. But ultimately you already know how it goes when you engage, she’ll go the whole song and dance with why she hasn’t replied and try steering the conversation in a way that you’ll be less mad or hurt, but be strong and hold her accountable. She knows what she’s doing and there’s no need for you to engage in a fight or fuss about lack of attention that she already knows she isn’t giving. Let your actions do the talking by pulling away from this woman.

[Asker]

You're right and it all resonates with my situation, it's the same dance over and over if I reply to her- I hear nothing back for days again. She just likes to know I'm there but she doesn't want to put any effort because she doesn't feel anything anymore. And it's so true about her noticing my lack of presence, if I choose not to reply to her, recently I just had no will for her games, I didn't reply for some time and just then she suddenly could message days in a row... informing me about stuff. Like, why the head games, so frustrating. I don't have the will for it anymore. I'm sorry that you had those 9 years of frustration, I know how much it sucks. All I want is communication, not 24/7, but just respectful one

[Opinion Owner]

Awe, thank you but life’s much better now, I’m in a serious relationship going on 3 years with someone I probably never would’ve given a chance if I had continued to reserve space in my heart for the wrong guy.
With your friend, I completely agree with your take on her actions and this is really about her liking to know that you’re there.
She apparently feels like you’re that person who will be there to boost her self esteem when she needs it but isn’t interested in anything more, and to me that is selfish. She must not know what it feels like to put someone through that and if she does, then why do it to someone she’s supposed to care so much about? The decent thing to do would be leaving you alone rather than engage the love she knows you have for her so that you can get over her and maybe be friends one day. You deserve a lot more than that!
If you have the restraint and will, then when she does reach out either leave her message there and take your time to respond just as you would a “friend”, or ignore it completely because it is no longer pure friendship and engaging will only hurt you more and provide you with more excuses.

[In_Trance]

I don't know why you keep messaging

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Leave her alone. She isn't interested.