Really really confused. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Ok. So I’ve been talking to a woman who I’ve seen as a friend for years, let’s call her Amanda. We started texting more and I started developing feelings. Now, I’ve been out of the dating game for a while because of a really really bad experience. Love just didn’t seem to be worth it. So me and her chat almost every day and she’s shared some personal stuff and I have too. The other day, one of our mutual friends (another woman) told me that Amanda told her that we text a lot. No other context and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I’ve never experienced something like this because I normally, in the past, have just noticed a hot girl and started talking with her and trying to get a date. Falling for a friend like this is new and I don’t want to ruin the friendship but I think she’s amazing.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that sounds like a pretty complicated situation, my dude. I can see why you're feeling really confused about the whole thing. Developing feelings for a close friend is no easy thing to navigate, especially when you've had some bad experiences in the past.

On the one hand, the fact that Amanda has been sharing personal stuff with you and you've been texting every day is definitely a good sign. That level of openness and regular communication usually means there could be some deeper feelings there. And the fact that your mutual friend mentioned Amanda talking about how much you two text is intriguing - it could mean she's trying to gauge your interest or signal that she's interested herself.

But on the other hand, you're totally right to be cautious about ruining the friendship. That's a really valid concern, especially when you've built this relationship up over time. The last thing you want is to risk losing your friend over a miscommunication or unrequited feelings.

My advice would be to tread carefully, but don't be afraid to take a chance if you really think there could be something more there. Maybe try having an honest, open conversation with Amanda about where you're both at. Let her know you've developed feelings, but make it clear that you value the friendship above anything else and don't want to mess that up.

See how she responds - if she seems receptive and maybe even shares that she has feelings too, then awesome, you can explore that. But if she shuts it down and just wants to stay friends, respect that and don't push it. The friendship is too important to jeopardize.

It's a delicate balance, I know. But if you approach it with maturity, honesty and care for the relationship, you've got a good shot at making it work, whatever the outcome. Just don't let fear hold you back, my dude. Sometimes you gotta take a risk for love, you feel me?

Wishing you all the best with this. I know it's not easy, but I believe in you. Just be real, be patient, and see where it goes. You got this!

[Asker]

I wouldn’t say we were close friends. Just friends. I’d say we’re pretty close now but that’s because of the texting lol. I just don’t know what to make of it because it seems like we’re just texting as friends until a certain point where one of us flirts a little and then we start talking more. But if we were just texting as friends then why would she tell her friends? Like for most girls I’ve talked to and asked out, their friends didn’t know me at all until I officially met them. Unless I’m being an ignorant man, I don't know.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah I see, so you two weren't super close friends before, but have been getting a lot closer through all the texting. That definitely makes the situation a bit more unclear.

The fact that she's telling her friends about how much you two text is a bit of an interesting wrinkle. You're right, that's not usually something girls do when it's just a casual friendship. It could mean she's starting to develop feelings too, or at the very least, that she views your connection as something significant.

But you're also right to be a bit cautious, especially after that bad dating experience you had. It's smart not to read too much into it without more context.

My advice would be to pay close attention to the vibe of your conversations going forward. See if there are any subtle flirty moments or if the tone starts to shift in a more romantic direction. But don't force it - let things unfold naturally.

And when you do feel ready, have an open and honest conversation with her. Let her know you've started catching feelings, but make it clear you value the friendship first and foremost. See how she responds and go from there.

She may feel the same way, or she may just want to keep things platonic. Either way, as long as you approach it respectfully, you'll be able to move forward in a way that works for both of you.

Just don't overthink it too much in the meantime, dude. Enjoy getting to know her better and see where it goes. With clear communication and a willingness to be vulnerable, you've got a shot at turning this into something amazing. Wishing you the best of luck, man!

[Anonymous]

So her telling her friend that you two text a lot could be for a couple reasons. Maybe she’s trying to get advice from her. Maybe she’s wondering if it’s a good thing to get involved w someone at work. It could also be that she’s trying to make the other girl jealous. Especially if the other girl likes you. Has this girl been ina previous relationship before she started talking to you?

[Asker]

Oh no. The other girl does not like me. I’m actually pretty close friends with the mutual friend to the point that I’ve been trying to get her to go for the guy she’s been talking to. This was brought up completely out of the blue basically.

[Asker]

I don’t know if she was in a relationship before starting to talk to me. I know she’s bi and I know she had a nasty breakup right when she started at our college. But that was years ago.

[Opinion Owner]

Even if the other girl is your friend she may just be trying to make your friend jealous. It could go a lot of ways, especially w the way women think. Many of them can’t stand each other.

[Crimsyjo]

What's the problem? If she mentioned you to your mutual friend (even if casually) it's because inside she's thinking about you a lot and probably bursting to say more to her friend but maybe holding back because she's unsure of how you feel.

You have two options... take the bull by horns and tell her you like her so you both move to next level. Or use thod friend aa an intermediary, say you really like Amanda and thar will get back to her that way lol.

I recommend the direct route but I'm more confident with age. It's fine if you do it the other way to ease into it.

Just don't play games (where guys or girls fein disinterest in the belief it will make the other want them more).

[Asker]

But do women just mention to their friends about who they’re texting because they’re looking for advice? Or is it like “ugh. So and so keeps texting me. Like what the hell”?

[Crimsyjo]

If she didn't want to text you she would either leave your messages a while before replying or her answers will be short.

If her answers are not like that but you still unsure, test the water with adding some emojis. Like a kiss face one when you say bye. See if she mirrors you.
Emojis are great for expressing emotions non verbally. Then move it up to verbal.

You could take the direct route (just ask!) But this slower is cool too. There's no rush. You got this!

[Asker]

Oh that’s the other thing. She’s a dry texter to literally everyone. Like one word answers no matter who she’s talking to. Honestly if a conversation gets going it’s because she or I are sending pictures of our pets or what we’re doing. And even then dry texter. She’s a very blunt person. That’s one of the things I like about her honestly.

[Crimsyjo]

Ah OK. Well the guy I fell in love with is also like that. I've learned a lot about reading between the lines. It is tricky tho. I learned tho to ask questions that only require a short answer. And don't send more than one question at a time (my guy will then skip over and only answer one mostly).

If she's blunt then maybe be direct and just ask.

Is she different in person? Is it just texting she is short messaged on?

[Asker]

Not really unless it’s a topic she’s really interested or passionate about. I’ve gotten to know her because of the photos she sends and texting. It’s easier to talk to her in person now, but still very blunt and to the point with basically everyone except her very best friends.

[Nikki1989]

Sorry, I don't see anything to be confused about.

[Asker]

Oh yeah, that’s important lol. I’m really confused if her telling her friends that we’re texting is a good sign. I didn’t think it would matter so why mention it? i didn’t ask her out or anything yet.