Girls, She has social anxiety. What to do?

[Caz26]

So there’s a girl I’ve known for a couple years now and I really like her. However, in the past when I’ve tried to make plans/dates with her she has seemed interested, even sometimes taken the initiative and suggested the meetup herself (such as suggesting we grab drinks together) only to flake on these plans on the day of.

This had been making me really confused so I messaged her recently to tell her that if my overtures had made her uncomfortable it wasn’t my intention. She said it wasn’t anything to do with me but that she’s been suffering from a lot of social anxiety and hasn’t been going out to do things with anyone.

I appreciate her being open with me about her mental health issues (her words not mine). However, I still really want to see her and would like to build a real in-person connection with her.

My question is: What kind of meet up or activity could I suggest with someone who has social anxiety? I’d be happy with just staying in and watching a movie myself but I don’t know if that would be an appropriate thing to suggest. We’ve only ever met up in person 3 times (and these occasions were very far apart). If any one here suffers from severe social anxiety, what type of event could someone suggest that you’d be comfortable meeting up for? I really like this girl and want her to feel comfortable with me. Thanks!

[_Maya_]

Okay so this is really tough because it is on her to deal with her social anxiety. You can't force that either. It sounds like she is not really dealing with it through therapy... or at least that is the vibe that I get. Now as for things to do with someone that suffers from that you want to make sure that it is a calming activity with few other people around. I don't know where you live (weather wise) but a perfect activity would be going on a quiet hike at a park or similar. That serves two main purposes. One is that it expends energy. There are a lot of physiological things that happen when you exercise that would be beneficial to someone with social anxiety. The other thing is that is a quiet activity away from crowds and lots of people.

[_Maya_]

Thank you for most helpful opinion.

[gemb00]

Having social anxiety means you don’t want to be around too many people for too long so I would suggest maybe a walk in a park (sometimes parks can be quiet if the weather is dull) or a drive somewhere (if you drive) park up on the seafront (if you live within an hour of the sea) or like you mentioned, a movie but she might not trust you well enough to allow herself to come to yours for a movie, she might think you have other motives.
Go easy on her if you truly like her and understand her feelings. She might be trying her best to overcome this anxiety.

[IslaTheWitch]

it depends on the root of the social anxiety...

but the first step is always to talk with the psychiatrist... there are meds that work well with anxiety... if the patient is stable, the therapy is a second step... there are many strategies for managing anxiety...

you can't hope it will go away... it won't

and social anxiety often means that even leaving home is... complicated...

[Anonymous]

Movies or y’all get food and eat in the car as someone who has autism and crippling social anxiety , that seems like a good compromise.

[Anonymous]

Hey why do u like her? How do u both look

[Caz26]

I like her because she's kind and has good family values. Also I'm interested in our cultural differences as we come from different countries. I'm American and she is European. As far as looks, we are both quite attractive in our respective genders. At least, I've been told by many women, including strangers, that I'm good looking. She is very pretty herself.

We are both introverts and seem to have many of the same interests and have been in touch for 2 years and talked on and off throughout this time. I also like her personality, from what I can glean from it from text exchanges we've had but I'd like to spend more time with her in person to see if we connect the same as we do over message

[Opinion Owner]

How tall are u both