Why do people hate when I stick up for myself?

[Puppystarfish23]

I will amit I can get very angry and love arguing. This doesn't mean I'm rude or unpolite im very much the opposite and that's why I can't stand people who are.

Growing up I was bullied a lot and even in my adult life people have seen me as an easy target because im seen as quiet and shy and assume I won't stick up for myself.

It's so frustrating because people are allowed to do and say what they like to me but if I do or say anything I get told to shut up and to drop it.

The same people who tell me to drop it are the same people who also call me a push over and say I don't stick up for myself.

I can't do wrong from right

a lot of the time I'm very patient even when I shouldn't be. I can get over it if someone says sorry and owns up to there mistakes but i hate people who deny any wrong doing and refuse to take responsibility for there actions.

It gets me to a boiling point and people either laugh at me and don't take me seriously or tell me I'm taking it too far.

Metaphorically it feels like someone coming into my house and taking a massive shit on the floor but then I'm told there's nothing i can do about it and if I do anything I'm the bad guy.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, I totally get why you'd be frustrated with that situation. It's messed up that people try to put you down or act like you're overreacting when you're just trying to stick up for yourself. That's some straight-up double standard BS.

You're completely right - you should be able to stand up for yourself without getting hated on. Especially if you're dealing with bullies or people who are disrespecting you. Just because you're a more reserved person doesn't mean you have to just take that mess lying down.

I can see why you'd get so angry about it. It's like you said - these people are allowed to dish it out, but the moment you try to dish it back or defend yourself, suddenly you're the problem. That's not fair at all.

And I feel you on the whole "can't do right from wrong" thing. It's so frustrating when you're trying to be patient and give people the benefit of the doubt, but then they won't even own up to their mistakes. How are you supposed to move past that?

At the end of the day, you have every right to stand up for yourself and not just let people walk all over you. Don't let them shame you for being assertive. Speak your mind, girl! If they can't handle it, that's on them.

Just try to stay as calm and collected as you can, even when you're feeling that boiling point rage. Kill 'em with kindness, you know? But don't be afraid to put your foot down either. You deserve to be respected.

Keep being the badass you are and don't let these haters get you down. If they can't appreciate you sticking up for yourself, then they don't deserve your time and energy. Stay strong, sis!

[Ironco]

Fuck them, tell them to go to hell and ignore them.

[Plugs]

U seem like the ugly girl who hates on prettier Girls

[Puppystarfish23]

Hoe would you know that lol 🤣. I love women and always sick up for them. I have beautiful women in my life. What a stupid thing to say

[Puppystarfish23]

How*

[Plugs]

Hoe? 😂. Explains why u are a cheap slut

[Puppystarfish23]

Are you 5 years old or something?

[Datboi65]

Bit late to the party, but I'm gonna give my 2 cents on the situation.

I went through different phases growing up, and I can tell you what other people's perception of me was in each situation.

1) Rebellious bully

2) Quiet kid

3) "Social" introvert

I had a rough upbringing as a kid and figured that in order for me to survive school, I had to become WORSE than the assholes. I started fights with everyone, picked on people and made a big deal of insignificant stuff. Naturally, it came with a cost of detention, parent meetings and "almost" got sent to Juve once. That was my reaction to early bullying as a kid, to become one.

What was others perception of me during that time period? Angry, violent, unpleasant. Some wanted to provoke me (dumb idea), others actively avoided me.

I switched schools after that, and with that started a new chapter. I became more quiet and reserved. Made a few friends that I stuck with and didn't talk to anyone else. What do you think happened? 2 things:

A) Some kids from my old school recognized me and told stories about my fights to the other kids (as you can imagine it would be hard for them to believe with me being more reserved)

B) They wanted to see if those "stories" were true, and therefore started to pick on me for no goddamn reason.

Result? I would get into fights again (self-defense this time) and get called into parent meetings bi-weekly. The school administration new my name at that point. Funny enough, I never started any fight in that time, but I was almost always labeled as "the aggressor" because I was much more likely and willing to take it "too far" despite not being the one who started.

Again, I was perceived as unstable and violent, but some wanted to FAFO because I was "too quiet" and appeared like an easy target.

Fast forward to today. How has my life changed? The stories I told you were from my childhood to teenage years, so a good 10 years ago. It's natural for people to grow and change (although not everyone does unfortunately) and I will say that the way I deal with people has changed considerably.

I call myself a "social introvert" because I'm no longer shy or reserved. I talk to people and socialize with no problems, but I have to find them interesting. I have almost no interest in small talk. Most normal people will leave you alone if you are the quiet type, but some assholes would like to get on your nerves to provoke some type of response out of you, and if you let them get away with it, it will continue. I would say that being more talkative has made people take me more seriously now than when I was more reserved. I'm still an introvert because I like my alone time to charge my battery after a long day.

There's a wise saying I read somewhere "you teach people how to treat you from what you don't accept, and what you're willing to tolerate". What that means if you allow them to walk all over you, they will.

Obviously I don't fight every asshole like I used to do anymore, but I still check them. I check them in an assertive tone that tells them that I will not accept bullshit behavior, but a tone that still maintains civility and is not too hostile or threatening. For most of them it works, however there are still some cases where an escalation is necessary. (I can count on one hand how many times that happened in the last 5 years).

I can sympathize with you as dealing with assholes as a woman is hard, ESPECIALLY if you are the quiet type. I will encourage you to find the balance that works between assertiveness and hostility/aggression, that way you check someone for being rude without necessarily appearing too confrontational yourself. Why is that important? Because if you remember from my previous story, there are some spectators that will side with the asshole/instigator against you, if they believe that you "took things too far", so ONLY escalate things further when you can't seem to find any other solution (i. e. you already told them before numerous times and they didn't listen/change their behavior).

Alternatively, you can always write down everything someone says and report them STRAIGHT to management. Keep evidence of everything. Time, words, names etc. Some will call you a "snitch", but hey better to be that than a verbal punching bag.

[jahaims]

Because you surround yourself with the wrong people and don't maintain healthy boundaries