Girls is this a thing because I think I'm right?

[Anonymous]

So, I've been trying to date for years but I've never even had a girlfriend and no matter how many women I ask out or how I do it I never get a yes. The thing is the ones that aren't mean to me about it. (More of them are than you'd think) Always smile and seem happy when I ask them out, but they never say yes. I look wise I'm pretty much a dead center 5 out of 10 so I'm not great looking but I'm not ugly either.

if woman is happy when I make a move but not happy enough to say yes does that mean I'm good looking enough for my praise to be a mood boost but not good looking enough to say yes? It feels like that's what's happening, if they thought I was ugly or gross they'd probably feel uncomfortable and want me to go away but if I looked really good, I should have gotten at least 1 yes by now, right?

I feel like this is the zone I'm stuck in based on what I've seen. Also, part of why I know I'm at least not ugly is even the girls I asked out in high school who were mean to me when they shot me down didn't target my appearance, they just thought I was a weird loser because I didn't fit in well. I'm 29 now though and I'm no longer in that weird awkward phase. I mean yea I get a little nervous and flush a bit when I ask a girl out but I'm very careful about how I do it.

I don't touch them, I don't get too close, I take off my hat, I dress well I wear deodorant and also cologne when I'm going to anywhere, I might bump into a girl, and I dress fine even if I don't dress great. I do have a little bit of a gut but it's pretty much a slight dad bod but not really fat. I've also tried a lot of different ways too. I've gone to bars too try and meet people and I've also done things like leaving a small note on the table for her with my number and some compliments.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong other than just not being good enough looking. Is this how it works for girls? You feel validated by getting flirted with, but you only say yes if he's above a five?

[Wuai201]

I don't know about all that, but in my case I give out my number to most guys and then never answer back. I won't give a guy my number if he looks way older than me, looks like a nice guy, looks very unattractive or he looks like I can beat him up.
8/10 times I give my number out it's because I'm fawning or I'm busy & you're disturbing me.
2/10 it's because I actually like you or find you attractive. Then it's really based on your actions. If anything contradicts what I want out of a guy, it's an easy turn off.

Some examples: -found out a guy couldn't fix something simple
-an attractive guy gave me his social but I didn't like the name
-Guys asking you to call, text, give up a social
As soon as y'all step away from each other
: doing that after you told him you're busy/ going to sleep or told him your social is private
-bragging about doing something dangerous or illegal
-downing my activities as boring
-pushing to do activities that I don't find interesting
-making me repeat myself ( as in we had an hour long discussion & you don't remember any of it)

Some people just enjoy nice casual conversations
You can't predict if they have someone in their heart already, if they're trying to heal or just want to be left alone.
Just know that you came up to her and her feelings count the most. If it changes, it changes. All you can do is move on.
The attention is only nice if she's getting something from you.
As you mentioned a compliment might be just right or too little.
If she's not attracted to you the whole interaction is just another horror story.
At that moment if she did give you her number & you keep texting it, she's hoping you'll get the message & stop before she blocks you.

[Asker]

You're bringing up a ton of hypothetical stuff that has nothing to do with anything I've done at all? This is basically gibberish in the context of my question and you literally opened with "I don't know about all that." Then pretty much confirmed everything I was asking in my question? I think you're confused what I'm asking.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Your self-worth is low, that’s why no one is dating you, they can smell your desperation

[Asker]

Jesus you can answer a question without being a cunt you know?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I could, but it wouldn’t get the point across as clearly

[Asker]

Bitch

[Clear_Skies10]

Everybody (women and men) have their own standards. The funny thing is that average looking people don't usually want to date other average looking people. Everybody is reaching to get someone more attractive than they are. Sometimes it works. I was married to a very pretty woman, but I also had a lot of confidence. That helped when you're trying to get someone who's out of your league.

[Asker]

Honestly I've made passes at 4s and I still can't get a date. I keep running into this sentiment of anyone bellow a 5 basically overcompensates with fake confidence and convince themselves they deserve a 10 6 foot handsome guys when they way 300 pounds and are less that 5'6. I'm not even exaggerating I've literally met woman like this. Like what am I supposed to do? I can't even get a date when I try to date down. I've literally asked out woman that for their size are bigger than I am by around as much as 20 pounds based on their body frame being smaller and on average shorter as a woman. Like my standards aren't fine, I don't mind love handles or a bit of chub as long as you're not actively unhealthy but even that woman just won't say yes.

[Clear_Skies10]

I'm not judging anyone for going after who they're attracted to, but at the same time they need to be realistic about whether or not they can get them in 2025. Basically a person has to get as attractive as they possibly can, then see what women are interested. If you want to go on dating apps and hit on obese people or whatever go ahead, that's your prerogative, but if you want some sexy chick you're gonna have to play the shallow game and turn yourself into someone she wants to have sex with.

[Asker]

I've got limits to what I'll tolerate and I'm not going to date someone Obese especially when I am not. It's not even just about her looking like a pumpkin I'm never going to take any relationship seriously if they can't even be bothered to lose enough weight to live passed 30. I want a life partner not a 1/3rd of life partner. Obese is where I draw the line because even, I can do better than that. there's a difference between being shallow and being realistic and reasonable. If I could find a 4 that was a healthy weight that genuinely loved and care about me I'd be fine with that but once you become a 3 we're talking about someone who is VERY overweight.

I want to be with someone that's at least thin enough to live past 40. Like I said I'm not in great shape, but I'm not even close to obese and people find overly fat people gross for a reason. People want a healthy partner it's basic biology. I'm willing to date down as low as a 3 potentially as long as they're fucking healthy and not going to be dead a decade from now.

[Asker]

And for the record I don't want a bitch like that because those are the type that divorce you when they get bored and take the kids.

[Clear_Skies10]

Fair enough. I hope you find someone compatible with you that makes you happy.

[Asker]

So it wouldn't matter if they were attractive because their personality is shit. I'd rather be with a 3 that loved me than a 10 that treats me like a servant. The kind of woman that demand you be a 8 to give you their time have the same ridiculous standards even though they're up there for a very simple reason. There is a very,, very limited supply of men that are 10s so much so right now in fact if you want one you need to be an 11 because frankly there are a lot more attractive woman then there are attractive men and a lot of the good looking well off men don't even want American woman so their finding wives abroad. People of both sexes need to accept they need to date down because the expectations for men in modern dating is so predacious 45% of woman are going to be single and childless by 2030 based on the statistics. The simple fact is most men have reasonable standards and most woman simply don't.

[Clear_Skies10]

I'm one of those guys who was spoiled because was married to a hot woman. Now I have unrealistic standards. I would rather be single than date a person I'm not attracted to.

[Asker]

Lol "Suffering from success." But for real though womans standards are ridiculous. Let me sum this up as quickly as possible with actual numbers people can google.

data from dating apps suggest a majority, ranging from 55% to over 80%, prefer a man to be 6 feet or taller. 73% of women say financial stability is more important than love when choosing a long term partner. How many times have you heard a woman say "6 figure salary?" Guess how many men make a 6-figure salary? 25% and do you know how many men make 6 figures and are 6 feet? 3% of American men.

Welcome to female expectations in America.

[Clear_Skies10]

For me personally I try to ignore women's desires for a rich guy who's over 6 feet tall. I'm not those things, but in my mind I'm other things that she doesn't even know she wants yet. That's where having self-confidence comes into play. I don't wanna be the other guys she wants because in my delusional mind I'm already better than them. You really do have to have an unwavering inner strength to deal with all the bullshit these days and come out on top. If you focus too much on those statistics you will lose your self confidence and ability to be the charming, sweet, fun loving, charismatic guy that can get any woman if he tried hard enough.

[Anonymous]

If you want to be taken seriously, don't post anon. Your credibility is shot.

[Asker]

What's wrong with wanting privacy? I don't want people harassing me on my profile just because they think it's fun.

[Ask105]

You need to study how to approach women and pick them its hard some of these women are saying true things the whole desperation thing is interesting because i got told that one time and didn’t give a fck if she left or did whatever but she thought i was more desperate women play games idc what they say or they test you seriously gonna have to study and maybe try in person dating coach

[Ask105]

Its gonna feel like you're going to college till you get it down you approach good everything get a number then you have to learn what to text them or not text them and just send one message and plan a date then you have to run every date right the women on really benefit men don’t anymore

[Ask105]

Trial and error some dating coaches it took 10 years some 1-2 now you see them and think what so special about him well he had to learn different between a bar girl party girl and a real girl