Ladies would you hate a man who commits to you out of pity?

[Filthy_Immigrant]

I got in my first relationship weeks after I turned 18 and it was out of pity. I didn't really love or even felt sexual attraction to my first girlfriend.

she liked me however and at the time she recently got out of a very life threatening toxic relationship with an asshole who used to abuse her and assaulted her with every random household object he got his hands on. one night her family rescue her from his claws but unfortunately she got emotionally involved and when back to him days later.

he even returned with her that night she when back to him with a machete in his hands threatening her family that he was going to "chop her into piece" if they try to take her away from him again. lucky for her after that night the whole neighbor sided with her family and were able to rescue her from him and she never got emotionally evolved again. days later she found me and fell in love with me.

- therefore my good Gemini side felt bad for her and was telling me to get with her and show her what good man was.

- however my bad Gemini side in the other hand was tired of being an 18 year old incel so it was telling me "this is you best opportunity, why let it go to waste?"

till then it was the pity that I had for her that made me fall in love with her, but I never told her this and she probably knew either way. but I wonder if this would actually hurt a woman's ego, knowing that the man she's with is with her out of pity and not desire

yes

no

[Bitter_Sweet94]

Yes, not because of pride, but because pity isn’t a foundation.

A relationship needs choice, desire, and respect.

If a man commits out of guilt or sympathy, the connection is already unbalanced.

Most women don’t want to be “saved.”

They want to be chosen.

Being with someone who stays out of pity feels heavy on both sides.

It slowly turns into resentment for him, and self doubt for her.

Commitment should come from clarity, not obligation.

[Filthy_Immigrant]

I appreciate the thoughtful response, and I can see where you're coming from. That said, I think there’s a gap between how relationships are ‘supposed’ to work and how they actually play out — especially in today’s dating market.

You mentioned that relationships should be built on choice, desire, and respect. I agree in theory, but in practice, I’ve often seen that those are only offered to men who meet very specific standards — usually status, looks, or income. For most guys, especially those not at the top, respect and desire aren’t a default, they’re conditional or absent entirely.

As for the idea that most women don’t want to be saved — that’s debatable. A lot of modern dating dynamics revolve around women looking for men to either rescue them emotionally, financially, or socially. But the catch is: they only want that from men they perceive as above them in value. A man trying to ‘save’ a woman from a position of weakness tends to get used or discarded. I’ve been that guy — it doesn’t end well.

I’m not trying to be cynical — just realistic. I’ve come to realize that many relationship dynamics are more transactional than we like to admit, especially once the initial spark fades.

So while your take is optimistic and probably reflects how relationships should be, I’m not sure it reflects how they are for the average man today. Still, it’s a good conversation to have — and I respect that you shared your view honestly

[Bitter_Sweet94]

I hear your perspective, and I don’t doubt your experiences shaped it.

But I don’t see relationships the way you’re describing.

Yes, some people date transactionally men and women.

But that’s not the entire landscape, and it’s not the standard I live by.

Respect and desire aren’t only for a certain “tier” of people.

They come from compatibility, emotional maturity, and how two people show up for each other.

Pity based commitment fails no matter who has the higher status.

So does choosing someone only for what they can provide.

Real connection isn’t about rescuing or being rescued.

It’s about two people choosing each other without needing to distort the power dynamic.

I get your realism, but my view isn’t optimism, it’s boundaries.

[Sevenpointfive]

you have to take pity on the woman. it's the only way she can survive is by spreading her legs.