Why does a girl who likes me panic when things get emotionally real?

[Anonymous]

There’s a girl I work with and I’m pretty sure she likes me, and I know she knows I like her too—I reassured her after a coworker joked that I didn’t, and she ended up crying. I wasn’t there for the joke, but I heard about it the next day, and since then I wanted to talk to her personally. A few days ago, I called her to the office and tried to start the conversation carefully, especially because she’s been anxious and stressed around work lately. I asked, “How are you feeling?” and she got overwhelmed right away and told me she wasn’t feeling good and that I should go, because she seemed really nervous in that moment. I couldn’t tell whether she was anxious because of me specifically or because she just felt stressed, but it felt like the conversation was getting intimate and could have turned into something. A few minutes later, I saw her and she acted like nothing had happened, even asking what we were talking about, and she seemed to reset the situation. I wish I had continued the conversation and made it more clear that I wanted to see her outside of work, but I also started to feel overwhelmed because it seems like she gets very nervous around me at certain times. At other times, when I’m not as attentive, she seems more comfortable, which makes me wonder what’s going on—does she find me extremely intimidating, too attractive, or does she like me but just feel overwhelmed in the moment when things get too real?

[HollyK21]

Here’s the thing — you are almost fully asserting that she for sure likes you without a drop of input or confirmation from her. I don't say that to make you feel self conscious, unsure of yourself or like I’m trying to rain on your parade — We are strangers to one another and this is just an unbiased take. I’m saying it because what’s going on could also be a misinterpretation on your behalf, which is just as fair of a possibility to explore as the idea that she’s into you, since we don’t have her input.


Your coworker told her you didn’t like her, not that you didn’t have a crush or romantic interest, so it simply comes off as you being “mean”. If I had a coworker tell me that one of my peers didn’t like me, let alone if they were my manager or something, I’d also feel upset just from the comment. I would not be attaching romantic feelings to that, but since you’ve decided in your mind she’s interested, this is your interpretation. In my opinion this can be problematic, because while yes you can be right, you may also be wrong and therefore handling this all incorrectly. So, rather than inviting us all to assess your assumptions, you should talk to her, get the facts, and then maybe come back here for help unpacking whatever it is she said. We can only speculate here.

[RachyRach]

Not everyone is ready for relationships even if they have feelings.

[WhitneySnow]

It sounds like you’re her boss. This is a really bad idea.

[Anonymous]

lol. 😂 u don’t like her. Or u would have asked for commitment already

[Nikki1989]

You sound pushy. Back off.

[FrodoSkywalker007]

Maybe she's insecure