Girls, How do Women experience shame and accountability compared to Men especially in Dating and Relationships?

[Anonymous]

[Emily_griffin]

I think women and men can both feel shame and accountability pretty strongly, but it can show up differently depending on how they were raised. In dating, I think the healthiest thing is being able to admit when you hurt someone, apologize, and actually change—not just feel guilty. For me, accountability matters more than gender.

[Asker]

What do you think of Women being called out for being less accountable in dating and relationships online and in social media?

[Nikki1989]

The perception of accountability is often influenced by social narratives rather than objective reality. It has little if anything to do with gender.

[Asker]

I think it's easy for you to call it a “social narrative” when you may not experience the other side of dating yourself. If you're used to getting attention, being approached, having options and not having to constantly prove yourself just to get a chance, you might not even notice those advantages. That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, but it can make hardships you don't personally experience look like they're just someone else's “perception.”

[MissSunshine2]

I think that there's more pressure on women than men to be young and innocent. However, I think most of that happens online and on tv.

[Asker]

But there is more pressure on Men to be confident and successful so really its a female equivelant.

[MissSunshine2]

Maybe so. Maybe it’s true that as you say, neither gender has it easier, they just face different pressures.

[MissSunshine2]

So, then, would you say a lot of men are truly confident, or would you say there are lots of guys that get as anxious and nervous as lots of women do?

[Asker]

I would say most Men get more nervous and anxious than Women do by far which is why most Women are not attracted to those types of Men which is why there is a dating crisis.

I reckon about 75 to 80% of Men are Shy including myself and that the majority of you Girls are not attracted to us and even if you are you still want us to make the first move which a Shy Guy is odviously not going to do.

[MissSunshine2]

As a woman who’s made virtually all the first moves in romantic relationships, I don’t get the nervousness of those men. They’re not going to get a heart attack and die from making a move, especially on interested women.

[MissSunshine2]

I think if a man doesn’t make a move when given clear encouragement from an interested woman, if he keeps saying no or goes off with other, less experienced women to get experience that he obviously got cold feet because if he was interested, he would’ve said yes, shy or not shy.

[Asker]

So you think most Guys would say no or go off with other Women when approached by a Woman?

[MissSunshine2]

I’ve met a few who did. Although I’d argue that they used shyness as an excuse and they just weren’t quite interested enough in that woman.

[MissSunshine2]

and I’m not an unattractive woman. I’ve received modelling career offers, despite being plus sized and fat.

[Asker]

It depends on the Guy.
If he is with other Women then he is odviously not Shy.
If he is by himself and comes off Shy then he is odviously Shy.

You will find it fairly unlikely that the Shy Guy would say no.

But most Girls are not attracted to that Guy.

[MissSunshine2]

I’ve met two shy guys. One, was obviously not interested. The other supposedly was. I asked him out 6 times and the last two times, I asked for a date and a kiss and then to go for a weekend away. You can’t say that he was ‘too shy.’ He had opportunities coming out of his ears. If he’d been interested, he’d not have said no. Not even once. Granted, I shouldn’t have kept trying in the first place.

[Asker]

So your saying the one that was supposedly interested in you rejected you 6 times?

No offence but i dont think either one was interested in you.

[MissSunshine2]

One acted like he was, but wasn’t interested enough.

[MissSunshine2]

The one that acted like he was, years later tried to tell me he always was interested but just shy.

[MissSunshine2]

He was actually a shy guy on here 😊

[Asker]

I get that you gave him plenty of chances, but if he told you years later that he actually liked you, couldn't he have genuinely been too shy? Just because a guy likes a woman doesn't mean he's comfortable doing something about it, even when she makes the first move. Shy guys can miss out on women they really like because of their shyness, can't they?

[MissSunshine2]

I still think if a guy won’t make a move when he’s been presented with enough clear opportunities that the fact is he’s not interested enough, or he’d have chosen me first when it mattered.

[Asker]

So you dont think us Guys lose moments or miss oportunities accidentally.

[MissSunshine2]

No I don’t. Not like that. Not when you ask them on a cooking date to your house and for a kiss and you ask them how they feel about it and they refuse, saying they don’t know how they feel about it. Also not when they have a woman inviting them for a romantic weekend away and an invitation to share a motel room and they say no. I have Asperger’s myself by the way and that doesn’t count as an excuse for that degree of supposed confusion.

[Asker]

But surely having Asperger's yourself, you'd understand why ordinary men struggle with dating? Most guys aren't constantly getting approached or given opportunities. They're expected to be confident, make the first move and risk rejection, while women generally have more options. That's why quieter, less experienced men can struggle to even get a chance, regardless of how good a partner they'd be.

[MissSunshine2]

Honestly? No. All I see are a bunch of women looking for real men to be their husbands, only to find that many of us are still single and all the men have been replaced with man children that cheat on their wives or are single and won’t commit, not giving a single care to anyone but themselves and getting laid or hiding behind convenient excuses like being ‘decent but shy.’ Bullshit.

[MissSunshine2]

We have no options, even attractive women with personalities because men won’t bloody grow the hell up these days.

[MissSunshine2]

The men in the past, our parents’ days were expected to grow up, work hard and raise families. I blame computers and social media, as well as the fact that kids aren’t getting punished, being brought up more strictly or going without things anymore. Men have become weaklings. That’s not all men. I have some great friends and relatives, on here and in person who actually are real men. The majority of men these days that I’m meeting are pretty rubbish. I would rather never have sex or date again than touch many of them. Entitled fuckers.

[JazzieJanna]

For me it me keeping quiet and slipping away more like I would apologize and etc own up to what you did wrong

[Anonymous]

By not doing anything to be ashamed of, and by being accountable for our actions (no different than men).