Do women have a harder time owning up to bad behavior because they don’t know how to effectively handle guilt/shame?

[Anonymous]

I see this over and over again. Women on GAG will anonymously admit they did something really shitty but rather than owning up to it they look for someone to tell them it’s “okay”. This is very typical when it comes to women cheating.

Guilt in itself is a natural reaction people (who aren’t sociopaths) have when they know they did something wrong. It’s not meant to be pleasant but to motivate you to own up to being wrong, make amends and having a change in character to not repeat the same behavior.

Guilt in itself accomplishes nothing. It’s not supposed to last forever either. In fact dwelling in guilt can actually make you ironically repeat the same bad behavior or worse. However owning up to being wrong is a different story. It has to do with honesty and not making excuses for what you did.

Also it’s disingenuous to admit you are wrong expecting forgiveness or some sort of concession e. g. confessing that is wrong to cheat while expecting your partner not to leave you. That’s not a real apology. No owning up to being wrong is admitting your faults and accepting the consequences thereof. It’s a principle concept. It’s also a sign you are an otherwise good person who made a bad mistake. The consequences might really suck in the moment but down the road you will have a much more clear conscience and most likely will make much better decisions. It’s a sign of maturity.

But over and over again I see women struggle with this concept more than men. Of course not all women but too many always try to employ mental gymnastics and the “yes but I’m still a victim in this because of that”.

It a major reason why men get so angry with women. Now of course there are dbag guys who do the same. But people don’t pull punches on calling those guys out. But why is it we are always softer vice versa?

Updates

1 y

Just an fyi there have been times in my life I said or done something to a woman, felt bad about it and apologized. But I did NOT do it because:

- I was attracted to her
- I needed her as a “friend”
- I still needed a future from her.
- I was worried about what other people would think of me

No I owned up for being wrong. This can be as minor as accidentally bumping into someone and all the way up to acting mean, very rude, inappropriate, inadvertently threatening, etc.

Updates

1 y

What matter is I didn’t feel right about how the woman felt. That is only reason I would apologize. Whether or not I liked her, she was a coworker, what her friends think, etc had no bearing on that. I expected no forgiveness or benefit otherwise

[Anonymous]

Because 90% of women on GaG are self entitled, lonely, man hating whores who don't represent women in the real world.

I think I've met 2 or 3 who were actually cool, but the rest of them are insufferable cunts and wonder why they have no luck with men

[Asker]

People do come to GAG to ventilate so you have a point there.

However a major impetus for writing this comes from personal experiences and interactions in the real world.

In my experience women only apologize to men for doing something wrong IF there is something in it for them (e. g. they are afraid of the guy leaving).

I’ve apologized to women I had no vested interest in if I said or done something wrong. Just for the sake of owning up to it.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, and I admit to being a little bitter, but still

And you're absolutely right, I've noticed that too. Very rarely will a woman own up to her mistakes, unless like you said, she benefits from it.
I couldn't tell you why. Conceit and self entitlement I guess.
They think all their actions are justified

[Opinion Owner]

Just today I apologized to one of my coworkers for being kind of surly with them, and explained that I'm just in a bad mood.
You'll never see a woman doing that, ever. She'll just think everyone deserved it

[Asker]

Notice how both the female responders already called me a “troll”. They just read the headline and it immediately pissed them off and I doubt they really read any of the important details I put in. I did my best to think this through.

I have met a minority of women who do “get it” on this. Owning up to being wrong doesn’t “give your power away” especially when it’s plain as day your wrong. It’s actually a sign of maturity. People regain respect for you when own up to a mistake with zero excuses. There is a much better likelihood you will make better decisions in the future.

But when women admit doing wrong they often try to justify it or they just say “I feel horrible”. They express a feeling expecting sympathy. Men don’t expect sympathy from others if we feel like shit for doing something wrong.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes!! Exactly. Well said.

I think you did a fine job with this post. These bitches are crazy lol (most of them)

[Asker]

Just curious if this double standard is socialized or if women are naturally like this.

I think deep down some of these women know what I am saying is true. But they think they are losing a battle if they “own up to it”. Pun intended unfortunately.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol! That's very true, I think they do.
From what I can tell it's in their nature, but who knows

[Asker]

If it’s in their nature than gender equality is going to be hard to achieve if they expect to get leeway just because they are women.

But again I have met a minority of women out there who are not like this and see this double standard bs. They are an exception to the rule but I acknowledge they do exist. So I have to be careful about saying “all” women are like this. It’s most are like this but not all.

[Anonymous]

No, we don’t have a hard time owning up to anything.


You are a known troll and we’ve got your number.

[rienna888]

Nah that’s with men, they tend to have more of an ego problem. A lot of men I’ve dated don’t like to apologize

[Asker]

Well I don’t like those asshole kind of men either. But I will call them out on it. And you should too.

But women really do get more leeway in general to do something shitty and feel justified about it just because she was “upset”.

[Anonymous]

You are trolling, right?

Men cheat, and their friends pat them on the back for it.

[loveslongnails]

Hmmm... only if his friends agree that she was hot. If she isn't, they say "why the fuck did you do that? Your g/f is hotter than her!" LOL

[Asker]

I have seen women admit to doing horrible things on GAG that no man would ever say a peep about. Besides cheating I’ve seen women admit to domestic physical abuse, theft and even saw two different women admit to being pedos on two different occasions. I’m not kidding about that last part either.

Men even anon on GAG would never dare post something like that. Never. Reason being is men do not fish for sympathy the same way some women do when we know we did something wrong.

[Asker]

Also there are two different reactions that men have when they are cheating

- 1) they are sociopathic lying scumbags.
- 2) they are devastated and feel extremely guilty about what they did. They don’t make excuses either.

But women will very often point out something wrong about what their partner did to make an excuse for their shitty decision as if two wrongs make a right vs just owning up to it.

[loveslongnails]

If you had anything beyond anecdotal "evidence", I'd be more inclined to agree with you. GAG experiences or a very few life stories that one knows of, are hardly data.

[Asker]

@loveslongnails I have to admit my opinion is from my own personal observations and biases.

However I do believe few can argue that men and women generally observe world and react differently.

[loveslongnails]

No one in their right mind would argue that point.

[Pegases]

By far.

[Asker]

You know for the longest time I was taught and tried to accept that women don’t fight fair because they are women and I just have to accept it and ya de ya.

But when feminists took things to another level and started calling out men not just for metoo behavior but for stereotypical male behavior (mansplaining, “toxic” masculinity, etc) I find myself less and less tolerant of unchecked bs women her away with.

[Asker]

*get away with

[Pegases]

Extreme feminism seems to be the main reason most men are becoming less tolerant of women today. I don't blame you, but I encourage you not to allow extreme feminism to make you bitter. I struggle with this too, so I'm not telling you because I've mastered it, I'm telling you because I see how detrimental it can be to your overall well being. That being said, I totally get it. Extreme feminism though, is on the decline, as women are starting to realize that most men are simply learning the game, and acting accordingly.

[Asker]

Yep your right that not a good idea to fixate and become intoxicated with this anger (even if it’s justified).

I’ve had two very close women in my life exhibit this behavior to an extreme and it’s deeply impacted me.

Both of them crossed the line big time. But one thinks she doesn’t have to apologize for anything because she’s mother (and I watched her treat my dad like crap for decades). The other was the only girlfriend I once thought of getting serious with. She cheated on me and felt no shame about it because she mentally decided (with saying) she was already broken up with me. She didn’t confess but instead talked to me and treated me like I was less than human afterwards. She had to see me as less than human to self justify her bullshit.

Anyway that’s more than I planned to say. But again and again I find that women don’t give authentic apologies UNLESS there is some sort of benefit in it for them and they still you as valuable.

[Asker]

But anyway I won’t bitch anymore. But the reality I see in women about this is just depressing.

[Pegases]

I've noticed that in the same way most men were unintentionally taught that women can do no wrong, women also embrace the idea that they can do no wrong. So when the reality that they can do wrong, and often do simply because they are human, arises, it's usually a tough pill to swallow. That's what I believe is the underlying reason why most women lack accountability. But, its not all women, and Id argue its not even most. It's probably about half that have this problem, and it's always a result of immaturity. Ultimately that behaivior is one of the biggest red flags, and simply makes it easier to weed out women that you can't build anything with. Lastly, a harsh truth I too had to accept, was that while the women you've been with aren't justified in treating you the way they did, you share some fault because you allowed it t9 happen more than once. As men, we have to respect ourselves enough to remove our attention from women that don't treat us with love and respect. Ultimately, you've gotta respect you, and then other people will too by default, simply because you'll naturally demand respect. Hope that makes sense.

[Asker]

I did allow some women in the past to get away with a lot more bullshit than they should have. You got me there. I’ve gotten better at identifying this crap with time and experience though. I’ve called out and cut off a few women on this crap in the last few years. Just said I don’t appreciate that and best of luck. Walked away and didn’t look back.

However it’s not easy given men are taught to be “tolerant” with women. Women are typically taught from a very young age on what to avoid and look out for when it comes to abusive men. That doesn’t mean they always follow that advice but society does make an effort to make sure they are better informed.

However young boys are taught (and sometimes brainwashed) into many conflicting viewpoints on what to avoid with women. I was warned about promiscuous women when I was younger. However I was never warned about exploitive and manipulative women.

Anyway just bitching about this is an exercise in futility I admit. Can’t undo the past. I guess it just felt good to ventilate. However the bottom line is there are two specific women that would benefit me a lot if they came to the table and gave me closure on some things. But I have to accept neither one is willing to do it.

[Pegases]

Yea you'll never get closure from those women man. But, that's actually going to end up being a gift. Right now you're in what is called the realization phase of red pill rage. This is where a man starts to realize true female nature, and is enraged by the fact that men are often lied to about women in this way. Essentially, many of us are coached like cattle to be easy targets for broken women, and we feel betrayed by those that were supposed to give us the tools to protect ourselves.

[Pegases]

But it's important to realize that they would have, if they knew what would eventually happen. They simply did what they thought would be best for us. Lastly, the best part about all you're learning about women right now, is that no woman can take advantage of a man that is armed with the knowledge of female nature. You'll become a very picky man, determined, focused, and most importantly a man that can easily identify women that you never take seriously. Here's a small list of red flags: low self esteem (because she can only be loyal to the attention she receives, never to you), more than 3 tattoos ( because after a certain amount, tattoos are an indication that she deosnt love herself the way she is, and a woman that deosnt love herself, can never love you), colored contacts ( same deal as the last one, its an indication that she deosnt love herself, and therefore has to drastically alter her appearance in order to be happy with who she is. This typically only gets worst as they age), didn't grow up with a father from birth to age 14( these women almost always end up promiscuous according to studies. It's the primary reason for the old saying "daddy issues". Turns out it's based on reality), colored hair (makes women stand out to men, which is often done subconsciously, and is common promiscuous woman behaivior). Lastly, only fans accounts, or half naked online, is also the best ways to identify women that are for the streets, whom you never take seriously, or try to save. These will change your life if you avoid them. I've got a few videos that you may benefit from watching as well, so let me know if you've got a Google drive you want me to drop them into

[Asker]

Do you have any links? Just a FYI I haven’t been caught off guard by a woman’s behavior in 10 years. My bs radar has grown and gotten more advanced. It’s really about trusting my gut and accepting that the ugly truth is sadly more often than not the truth.

For example about 5 years ago I briefly dated a grown ass woman (year older than me) who still completely believed she could get away with friendzoning men who liked her by playing dumb. Ironically I cut her more slack than younger women thinking she would be old enough to know better on that bs. But just like there are Peter pans out (man childs) there are just as many Wendys (women who never grew up). I confronted her on her bs and then told her best of luck and never contacted her again.

I can proudly say I handled that predicament quite well. I calmly confronted about the truth and she tried to gaslight me. I was ready for that and what to do next: wish her best of luck and walk away and mean it.

But the depressing issue is I had to endure her bs attempt at that crap.