Guys, Would you date an unemployed woman?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 25 yr old woman who got out of a long term relationship with my child's father 2 years ago. During that time his income was enough to support us for me to stay at home and raise or child. If I would've been working too, I would've only been able to get a minimum wage job. My babysitter would've been making more money than me, so it made no sense. After we split I had no job experience so I've had a hard time getting work. Since then I've been attending college working towards my BA and looking for part time work. I have a family member that might be able to hook me up with a decent desk job too, but it's a waiting game. My child has full financial support from his dad, and my ex is a great dad and very involved. We have a good polite relationship. I have been lonely for two years and I want to start to date, but anytime I talk to a guy and he asks what I do, I freeze up and feel ashamed. I'm not looking for a new dad for my child, our someone to pay rent as we live with my folks. I have almost no bills besides my phone and car insurance, and I handle that on my own. I have no debt, and wouldn't think of moving in with a guy unless we were married. Even still, I probably won't date until I am employed because I feel really bad about it. Men, what would you think of dating a woman with my situation?

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To the men saying me being a single mom is a turn off.. sorry? How do I even respond to that? It's a package deal and if me being a single mom turns a man off, then that's obviously not a guy I would even think of dating. I know women in their mid thirties who have college degrees and decent jobs and still party, and get drunk, have a shit ton of emotional baggage, have tons of casual sex and can barely keep a plant alive. I guess that is the type a lot of men here like.

[MrOracle]

Like the other guys said, you need to understand that from a guy's point of view, your current lack of employment is a "tiny handful of dirt" issue next to the HUGE MOUNTAIN of an issue that is being the single mom to a young toddler. It means that most guys aren't going to be interested in dating you because they don't want to have an instant family and because they'll never get to date you as a single person who can do "single person" things. You're essentially going to have to look for either the (relatively few) guys who desperately want a family of their own and will be happy to be with a girl with a child, or a guy who already has children of his own.

I know this sounds harsh, but you have to look at it from a single man's perspective: he can't just come over when he likes, he can't take you out without setting up a babysitter, you can't go on a vacation together without the baby (which really isn't a vacation), etc. And he will always be a lower priority than the child - and even if that's rightly so, for most men, it lowers your "dating value" compared to a single woman who can do all of those things.

It also says something that you had a child with a man (apparently out of wedlock) and aren't with him anymore. That says "she makes a series of poor decisions about major 'big-life' issues."

Anyway, once your kid gets to be a teen, this will be less of an issue - you won't need to "be there" every minute of the day, and when the child is much more independent and emotionally mature, they'll be able to understand that you're dating. But the next 10 years or so may be rough or difficult, so be prepared for that.

I hope you find a great guy who really cares for you and your kid - I sincerely wish you the best - and I hope you don't take what I've written here personally. I don't know you and I'm not judging you - but most men you date most certainly will (and, again, rightfully so, just as you'll judge them), so you need to be aware of the reality of your situation and be prepared for the challenges ahead.

[Joecasc]

I wish understood this. They are only interested in the men that don’t want a instant family.

[Joecasc]

I meant to say I wish women with young children understood this.

[kittenmitten]

Employment status: irrelevant. You're either somebody's style or not. I'd have no problem dating an unemployed. I'm a student too and plan on making the money so that my wife can stay at home if she wishes so. It's a man's job to bring the money home. If you're unemployed good luck finding a job, I know it's hard unless you agree to shit wages. If somebody starts to love you, they shall give you a hand financially in case you need it and move on to a marriage relationship. It's more about who you are than about your income. Oh and be a proud lady. Don't be shy about being unemployed. If someone has a problem with that it's their problem. There is plenty of disadvantaged people in need so don't feel guilty to have a hard time with jobs. People should feel sorry for your troubles instead of judging you. "Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour, and it can Never Be Used to Hurt You". Yes you're having a hard time with jobs. You deserve support, not mockery. Despise those that treat you bad, they're unworthy to be with you.

[Anonymous]

"I know women in their mid thirties who have college degrees and decent jobs and still party, and get drunk, have a shit ton of emotional baggage, have tons of casual sex and can barely keep a plant alive. I guess that is the type a lot of men here like."

I wouldn't give a woman like that the time of day, much less date or marry her. Sorry, but I wouldn't date a woman who had a child outside of marriage (or one who got divorced, for that matter). There are too many women on this planet to settle for that.

[JohnDoe3000]

Traditionally guys don't care while women think a man without a job is an undateable bum (unless he's really, really handsome). But me? I think it would sort of be a problem for me because you are a woman who was a homemaker and had a child before you were 23 and that's not the type of person I'm looking for.

[MrShinyPants]

I was even wanting to date this homeless girl i ran into, but i was too distracted by her beauty and personality it spaced my mind, been looking to run into her again because if i do i will ask her out, at the time i gave her some dog food and a bag to hold her stuff in and some things she could sell, job or jobless doesn't matter to me as long as she has a good heart and good personality

[HarvestMoon]

Not for me. I mean, there are a plenty of other women who are more accomplished and have similar degrees of education and income as I, so I don't really see the incentive behind going for someone without a job and with a child who lives off of alimony.

[meatballs21]

Being a single mom is a bigger turn off than being unemployed, especially since you are actively attending school and not just sitting at home collecting welfare.

[AynonOMouse]

Being a single mom is a bigger hurdle than being unemployed. The unemployed part seems worse mostly because you do have a kids already.

[IVoidWarranties]

No , i could not. I don't want to be the only 1 making cash to support you. get off your ass an make bank. Start an online company, if your good at something never do it for free.

take a hobby an turn it into a business

[Asker]

You're a prick lol. I clearly stated I was not looking for financial support of any kind. And how is going to college and raising a child full time sitting on your ass? and where did you pull an online company out of? Who the hell even mentioned anything about that? so irrelevant.

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[reptocarl]

Employment status means nothing to me

[Anonymous]

Only if she was looking for a job.