Why do girls get so defensive and uneasy when you actually like them a lot?

[Anonymous]

just wondering. it's like they think you're dangerous or something, or automatically think you've been stalking them purely because you like them a lot. its so hurtful and unfair. why would a guy that likes you be dangerous? it doesn't make sense. he's going to treat you right and love you, not be of any harm to you! my gosh, use your brains!

note that every girl I've ever met thinks I'm a really good guy. guys too. people in general, so why would someone even think something so messed up about me? so I was in really deep for this girl, why should that make her cautious of me at all? I was falling for her! it seriously makes me question whether it's worth pursuing a girl for a long long time at the very least.

[udolipixie]

1. Why to girls get so defensive and uneasy when you actually like them a lot? Perhaps that's been your experience because to her you come off as creepy aka make her feel uncomfortalbe, unsafe, or unsettle.

2. why would a guy that likes you be dangerous? Perhaps because people often hurt the ones they love...so if love isn't immune to it "like" doesn't mean he won't hurt you. Rapists and serial killers can like people too. Pretty sure those stalkers & kidnappers liked their victims.

It's more about the guy's character that will tell you if he's dangerous rather than him liking you.

3. so why would someone even think something so messed up about me?. Perhaps because plenty of bad criminals were thought to be good guys/girls by the people who knew him/her or were around him/her 24/7.

4. so I was in really deep for this girl, why should that make her cautious of me at all? Your actions, body language, or words. Perhaps all three.

"he's going to treat you right and love you, not be of any harm to you! my gosh, use your brains!"

Perhaps you should use yours...just because you like or even love someone doesn't mean you'll treat them right. It's character that will tell that.

[Asker]

honestly the most ridiculous answer I've ever read.

[Asker]

seriously... I'm not a psychopath.

[Asker]

and I have good character thank you very much. lol

[udolipixie]

lmfao at you randomly stating you're not a psychopath

I didn't state or imply you were. Ever heard "If you try to deny what you did too much, you are probably guilty"...especially when you pull it out when no accusations towards you are made.

as for your good bit...apparently she didn't think so LMAO XD

[Asker]

you want to really know what's funny? she told me that she thought I was a great guy, and not to ever change, and continue to be the way I am. was flirty with me, seemed to think highly of me, then the situation ended up like this. it makes no sense.

if anything her behavior drove me crazy within the situation. but I'm seriously not crazy. I thought she was kinda crazy for going out with douchebags myself, something I am not. I'm really just a good humble guy.

[udolipixie]

Did she tell you were a "great guy" before or after she got defensive? LMAO

Are you aware that a lot of girls like to do the nice rejection by telling guys they are nice/good/great guys when really they aren't that nice/good/great?

Even on the off chance that she did see you as a great guy...she probably saw you as a great guy with friend potential not romantic partner potential. Probably to her you were a great guy just not a great guy for her.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

you're coming on way too strong maybe? how well does the guy even know me to say he "likes me a lot"? if your behavior is interpreted as "stalking" and "dangerous" then its something your doing. ease up and don't be so intense. people get cautious when you are over eager and intense for no good reason. and if its not requited then you really come off crazy. you have to pay attention to the other person and not be so focused on your feelings. if you see they aren't returning the eagerness then calm down with the "all I wanna do is love u", you have to get to know each other, like each other and feel comfortable around one another first!

[Asker]

well I can say I took her much more seriously than most guys would at our age. she was a girl I really wanted to be with. I liked her for such a long time. it was as if I just knew she was the right girl, like how "they" say that you "just know?" it was like that for me. I really felt something amazing for her, and that's the truth, as crazy as that sounds.

i just wonder if girls really know what love looks like. you know? especially since they always seem to go with the wrong guy.

[Anonymous]

Because some guys (and girls) think they are in love with someone before they even know them. Love makes you do crazy things. Some people do stock those they think they love and do crazy things. I've been on the receiving end of crazy girls that were obsessed. While I agree most guys (and girls) are not like that when they like someone, once you have had that experience you are more careful. That said a lot of girls do not know what they want, and in the beginning can be confused and scared of what they are feeling so they run... Have some patience and get to know them. Don't come on too strong if you can help it.

[Asker]

I honestly couldn't help how I came off, and how I felt. I would never ever do anything to hurt anybody ever. and I'm not creepy or anything, just a little shy and a little more sensitive than the average guy. but I thought girls liked that? I really felt like she was the right girl, only for everything to literally implode in my face. I didn't take it well.

[Opinion Owner]

It happens to every guy at least once. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just keep control of your emotions next time and get to know the next girl and see where it goes. =)

[Asker]

Yeah but its just... I lost HER, you know? I didn't want to have to lose HER. Why couldn't it have been some other chick?

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, I know... Can't do anything about it now. Move on and find another girl. She probably wasn't as great as you think she is. In time you will realize it.

[Asker]

I've definitely realized things since then. I honestly wasn't too aware of her social life but she really seemed like a good girl. but I've thought just about her attitude and passiveness and all, the way she blew me off at times, and I realize how stuck up she was and a bit of immature behavior too. it frustrates me that she couldn't have been more mature not only in general, but at least about the situation involving us and my feelings. but I mean, even then I look past it all and still care.

[Opinion Owner]

It will pass. It takes time. =)

[Anonymous]

not too sure about the defensive part but we sometimes get uneasy when someone likes us a lot because we don't want to mess it up. We like that you like us ;) and don't want you to change your mind! puts a lot of pressure on us.

[Asker]

well there was no effort coming from her the entire time. a text here or there, a few times she lied about wanting to go out with me when I asked her. I thought she was maybe scared about like what we could be. she seemed like the perfect girl for me. and then suddenly the bomb was dropped, and it was as if it came out of nowhere for me. I guess I thought we were closer and better friends than what we really were. her signals were so mixed, it did start to make me a little crazy. no clue.

[Opinion Owner]

"the bomb was dropped" ? what do you mean? did she tell you to back off or something? if she's being mean and defensive for no reason than maybe she is going through personal troubles or something? pretty random for her to get defensive just because you like her.

[Asker]

it was as if she understood how I felt and was nice about it to me and everything, then after a while when I wanted to see her again, she wasn't being clear, as usual, so I finally got fed up with dealing with how wishy washy she was and just asked for the truth, then she said I was weird and creepy, like after being nice to me for so long, even flirty. I told her how I felt about her. I apologized about making her feel awkward and on the spot and for anything else. I was shaking so bad too.

[Opinion Owner]

oh my gosh :/ wow, sorry that happened to you. Maybe she was stringing you along for egotistical reasons but wasn't interested in actually dating you. Unfortunately, selfish girls AND guys do this. Hopefully, she'll make up her mind about what she wants (friendship,romance,nothing,w/e) and be a little more clear next time lol dang. Hope it works out.

[Asker]

its actually long over. to be completely honest with you. it still bothers me, and I'm just going through another one of my bitter days about it is all. I wish something would happen to where like things could maybe be made right again or something. so I didn't still have these bitter feelings at times, or these feelings of a lack of closure in a way. I don't know what I feel anymore, I just know it weighs on my heart still.

[Asker]

...thank you though.

[Opinion Owner]

no prob. hang in there :)

[Asker]

trying... have been trying! lol