There is an old saying in India, "Raja any gami te rani, bhale chhana vinati aani", meaning whoever the kind chooses to be his queen is the queen regardless of her humble background.
So there is nothing wrong from theoratical perspective of dating an ex-con.
Now let's get to the practical side, you already did mention the reservations you have had, discrepancies which reflect to lies and deciet, not good.
Him being stopped by correctional officers even to just tell him they are happy to see he has stayed out, again not good in my personal opinion. A normal person doesn't need to be pulled over by any authority for anything but traffic violation. So the fact that they know him means even if there is a copy-cat crime for whatever reason he was incarcerated, he has a very high potential of being a suspect, you got to ask yourself, do you want that drama and attention in your life, and even though it's all fine today, god forbid and which I hope he never does get in trouble, everything you worked all your life is on the line.
So are you sure you can't find that respectable demeanor and approach in any other guy except this ex-con.
At the end of the day it's your life and your choice, but remember "The choices you make, decides the life you live."
It would be a concious and knowledgable choice on your part to accept this person with his past including his potential and ease at which he has committed the crime before (I am assuming he wasn't innocent when incarcerated) tells you that he has crossed the line in the past which by any psychological standards make it easier for him to cross it again as opposed to someone who has never crossed the line.
Before you loose yourself too much to a point of no return in matters of heart, hope you give a rational thought to all these aspects and weigh all the positive and negative, if you can come up with a small 2 column table and try write them down to help you come to a rational decision.
Again I do understand and acknowledge that there is no real good choice in a situation like this because you are judging someone for their potential negativity without any negative present flaw of a person based on his past, which is not fair but you don't need to be fair when it comes to matters of your life and saftey.
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He was in jail for eight years and he's been out for fourteen. It sounds like he might be a little too old for you. But I think there is something impressive in the journey. A wealthy man who was born wealthy is not nearly as impressive as a man who did it himself. This man was born into a criminal family and it sounds like he's really worked things out. That's impressive.
Besides just because you date somebody doesn't mean you're married to him. You can break it off with him if you want. But pay real close attention to everything. Look for trash that still lingers around in his life. Look at his friends. He might have one or two childhood friends from the bad neighborhood, but look at his friends a a group. He can't really be friends with someone if they have nothing in common. If all his friends are criminals he's a criminal. And remember, you don't go to jail for eight years for smoking weed or getting into a scuffle. Eight years is a long time to go to prison. You need to find out what he did. I don't mean ask him. I mean find out.
Take him around your family and your friends. They are going to have objections, but if they say something that you haven't thought of, pay attention. I was buddies with a criminal who I thought was cool. Everyone told me that he looked like a thief. I thought they were nuts. Well, he broke into my house one night and stole a whole bunch of money from me.
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Psychologically what is the difference between a policeman and a convict?
None. One just became crook, the other became a cop.
If he was in for murder, I think he is OK. The repeat-offense rate of murderers is extremely low. In many cases, barring psychopaths of course, the victim sometimes even had it coming to them even though that doesn't justify the crime. On TV we often see how the mean murderer killed poor granny widow and yes there are heinous things like that out there, but often times its just a gang-banger with an attitude who is now one less gang-banger in the world. Thanks?
A crime of high likelihood of repeat offense are sexual crimes. Crimes against women or children. Stay the hell away if he was involved in any of that. Having neither women or children in his life may be the reason he hasn't repeated those offenses yet, but it could happen later on with you. Again, don't touch sex offenders.
If it was drug related, its iffy. He does know how to get marijuana legally with his card, so he's smart about it. I doubt he would do 8 years though for a joint. He would of had to been a large supplier or something to get slammed that hard.
He's probably too polite to tell those corrections folks to GTFO every time a similar crime happens, but I've heard it actually helps -- done more politely but sternly also. He's done his time and he has been clean for a long time, and they got no business harassing him. He needs to stand up for himself to them. He can empathize that they are just trying to stop crime, but he's not the guy, and he's not going to be the guy, and they can just stop coming around.
The only real reservation I would actually have is that he is open about having been a con. If he keeps telling everyone that everywhere he goes, it won't look good for him or you.
Would you date an "ex con"? Probably a better question for the girls to answer, actually :)Imo, I would say to research the guy and see what he was locked up for. Especially since you may access to info, that the average person may not, because of your occupation.
Was he in for drug trafficing? Domestic violence? Rape? Possessing an illegal weapon? Assault? Grand theft auto?
See my point? The fact alone that he's been incarcerated isn't enough info. Dive into his records and see what his story is.
Then, from that point on, use your female instinct to figure out the rest. TRUST YOUR GUT. On paper he seemed like he turned his life around.
That is all. :)Are you here in California?
I'm not too sure
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