Bipolar Girlfriend In Depressed Mood

[Anonymous]

I started dating this girl back in September that I now have pretty much determined is bipolar - she's in denial but I know it's true.

She was in her manic, fun, crazy mode when I first started dating her - I like girls that like to be fun and crazy and party and whatnot and this is when I met her.

We started going out exclusively in November and things were great, but near the middle of December, I could see her mood start to change to depressed mode. I didn't know what was going on so I did research for a few days and saw that her symptoms are spot on with bipolar disorder.

Now we're into January and she's at the lowest I've ever seen her. The past 2 weeks have been really difficult as she's really pushed me away and while I want to be there for her, she's making it pretty obvious that she doesn't want me the same as before. She barely even hugged me when we hung out tonight.

I've never dated a girl in a depressed bipolar mood so I really don't know what to do. I've been pretty good by giving her space, but for anyone that can relate to what I'm saying, any advice for me? Will she come around and realize I'm the guy for her?

It hurts me a lot because her pushing me away makes me feel like I'm not able to help her. I don't even feel like her boyfriend at all because I should be there for her but she won't let me. It simply feels like I'm being cheated on.

So my question is for those of you that have experienced anything like this, is there anything I should do? Is it best for me to simply sit back, give her space, and just wait for her to come around and hopefully back to me?

We did hang out tonight, it just felt so different from the old days... Thanks.

Updates

+1 y

Oh and her roommate told me she has bipolar, that's how I got it confirmed.

[Anonymous]

Bipolar's switch more frequently than that, not every few months. A friend of mine had it and her move changed three or four times a day! That was a bit extreme but it's usually in terms of days not months.

"Don't run when I push you away, it's when I need you most and want you to stay"

That saying is so true of most depressed people. They won't admit it, because they can't, but stick around and it'll mean the world to her.

Let her know that you're supportive. NEVER judge her for it.

Tell her she can talk to you if she needs to, that she can tell you anything, but don't push and nag her to if she's not ready. Just remind her from time to time.

DO NOT tell her you understand if you don't. But make the effort to understand what she's going through, and make sure she knows you're doing this.

She needs someone that cares. Someone that's there. And someone that will stick around when things get tough.

Right now she doesn't need a boyfriend in the classic sense, she needs a close friend she can rely on.. If you truly care about her, be that for her. If you can't deal with having a different relationship then get out.

I was depressed for a time when I was with my ex. He was there for me, but he didn't understand the concept of space. He'd phone me so often that I had to turn my phone off.

When we were together he couldn't understand that I just wanted to sit there in his company.. I didn't want kisses and hugs every five minutes.

I broke up with him and got over it without his help.

What I'm saying is, be the person she needs.. Don't be like him..

[Asker]

Well, bipolar varies so much now. It can be anything from daily changes to monthly like my girl. Your advice is great so thanks so much and I'll do that. I'll continue to let her know (when I'm with her and it feels right) that I'm there for her. It's hard though because I want to hold her and let her know I'm there but she won't let me do that, she's just really down and been hurt so badly in the past from other guys and probably more dark secrets she's not ready to tell me...

[Opinion Owner]

I could be wrong, but it sounds like in the past other guys have let her down when she gets like this. Just show her you won't do the same.

Of course she needs professional help, but that's only something you can hint at very gently, don't try to convince her too much.. Sometimes just having someone to rely on is better than any medications or counsellors anyway =)

[Asker]

Yea, I'll keep at it. She just hates herself I guess. Maybe she's cheating on me... but I try to not think about that. Anyway, she told me that she just hates how she looks, thinks she's fat and disgusting (she's like 115 and very cute so yea). That's what she tells me but I'm sure there's a deeper issue.

I just sucks being pushed away, I want to hold her and be there for her but she's not allowing it. I'm gonna stop by tonight to help her with some computer stuff. I'll not be pushy at all.

[NotSoBad]

Just continue making yourself happy. Keep yourself busy with your own hobbies and make sure you invite her along. If she says "no" then just go and do them anyway. The best thing to do is set an example for how to be happy. Make sure you continue to smile and laugh like you did in the beginning of the relationship. The fact that she is depressed and growing distant will make you feel uncomfortable and you may act different around her. Remember, you aren't the one who has changed she is. Be there to support her through her hard time, but don't let it ruin your happiness.

[noobseaplenty]

why don't you just go away for a while until she changes poles a little again?